


Two plus one equals?

by Free Spirit (Levi_ah)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, But also, Established Mark Tuan/ Jackson Wang, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Polyamory, Side Park Jinyoung / Im Jaebum, Smut, Sweet, a little at least
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-01-10 22:05:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 78,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi_ah/pseuds/Free%20Spirit
Summary: Amusement parks, sports cars, trains and even freaking cinemas had seats in pairs.Youngjae didn't think any of that was fair, but here the universe was giving him broad signs as to say, get out now.But can he and even more important, does he want to?





	1. Chapter 1

As soon as Youngjae heard the rustling of the keys outside the door, he hurried to put the object in his hands back into the upper drawer of the nightstand. With one last look, he closed said drawer and quickly made his way outside of the room.

“Babe? You here?”

Just as Mark entered the living room, Youngjae came out of Mark's and Jackson's bedroom.  
Mark looked at him curiously. “Did you fall asleep again?” A light smile played around the corners of his lips. “But if you did, where is your lovely bed head?” Now Mark just teased him. Youngjae puffed out his cheeks. “I was actually looking for Coco's toy. I think she left it somewhere. Did you see it?” Well, it was at least half the truth. He was looking for that toy, but that wasn't the reason he was in his boyfriends' bedroom. Mark was smart, but he shouldn't know what was on Youngjae's mind.

“Ah you mean the squeaky chicken? Yeah, it is somewhere around here, Jackson stepped on it the other morning. Let's say he was awake after that.” Mark grinned and went over to the black haired male, looping his arms around Youngjae's waist. “Where is my princess anyway?” Youngjae giggled. It was really funny, how fast Mark became infatuated with his dog. Jackson took a few seconds longer to adjust to the white bundle of energy, but it wasn't any less endearing to watch them get to know each other. Let's say there was this one incident with a plant named Bob, but he certainly did not want to bring that up. However it was one of the most important subjects, Youngjae hoped for in a relationship, that his partner (in this case partners) got along with his beloved daughter. “She is at home.”

Mark just hummed and leaned up to peck Youngjae's lips, before he let go and went into the kitchen. Youngjae watched his boyfriend leave the room, he almost felt bad for his thoughts before, but he couldn't get rid of the insecurities tormenting him the last few weeks. He knew he should talk to his boyfriends about this, but he felt embarrassed and unsure. So he kept quiet.

“Did Jackson say if he's working late again?”, Mark called from the kitchen. “Because if he is, he should bring some take out. Our fridge just hosts one lonely broccoli.” Youngjae threw his head back and laughed brightly. When he calmed down, he made his way to the kitchen. “Sorry Hyung, if I had known, I would have gone shopping before coming.”

“Don't bother Babe, you are not in charge of taking care of our fridge, it is our flat, you are not obligated to care for your Hyungs.” Mark looked at him adoringly, before turning to his phone.

Right. He was just a guest here. Thanks for the reminder.

Luckily Mark wasn't looking, otherwise he would have surely seen Youngjae's smile falter. The doubts creeping up again. He knew Mark didn't mean any malignance by stating his words like that. However after six and a half month of being together, he still felt like an intruder to this relationship. And he kind of was.

Youngjae met Mark and Jackson on an airplane. He just finished his second year of collage and saved up all these years to fulfill his dream to fly to America. So when he had the money, he took a two month leave of absence at his part time job and planned a trip throughout California. Ever since he had to write a paper about the National Parks in California for his English class in high school, he always wanted to see the beauty with his own eyes. To cut the long story short, after traveling for 2 month he was more than pleased, but also tired as hell. He boarded the plane and was thankful for having a seat by the window. As soon as he organized himself, he fell asleep immediately.

When he woke up again, the whole plane was dark and everyone was quiet or sleeping. The first thing he noticed was the stiffness in his neck, the second thing was him sleeping on some random dude's shoulder. He sat up hastily. The guy next to him seemed to notice the weight was gone from his shoulder and turned to look at Youngjae. “Did you have a good rest?”, was all he asked.

Youngjae's face must have resembled a very ripe tomato. Never had he been so thankful for darkness. “Oh...oh my goodness. I'm really sorry. You should have woken me up. I'm sorry for the inconvenience.” The guy seemed amused. “Nah don't sweat it. It seemed like you really needed that. And I'm happy my shoulder could be of service to your beauty sleep.” He chuckled.

Youngjae looked at him flabbergasted. “Still...”, he mumbled. _Good Choi Youngjae_. Can you once in your life not be the greatest idiot? The guy just shook his head. “Come on man, it's fine.” He stretched out his hand. “I'm Jackson.” The whole situation was really absurd, but Youngjae extended his hand anyway. “Youngjae.” He finally smiled.

After that Youngjae and Jackson kept talking and really hit it off. Two hours later, the person next to Jackson rose. Youngjae got to meet Jackson's boyfriend Mark, whose parents they were visiting in California. It turned out, both of them were foreigners, but studied in Korea due to a scholarship and got a job offer right after college. So they stayed.

Youngjae was glad, they were fluent in Korean, otherwise it would have been hard. Even though Youngjae brushed up his English skills right before the trip, it had his limits. So communicating in Korean was way easier.

Mark apparently was some kind of computer genius, having a hell of a carrier ahead of him. During his third year in collage, the subbranch of a huge gaming developing corporation was in need of new games, when Mark's self-made amateur games were discovered. The corporation immediately called Mark for the rights of developing a game based on his. Mark sold the them and got a job offer in one go. So even though it was still in his beta, the game was already a huge success. Youngjae realized Mark brightening up more and more, as he kept asking questions.

“It is nice to actually have someone understand, what I am talking about.” Mark smiled brightly. Jackson just rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue. “Sorry, that I prefer real life over fake reality.” Mark just kissed his cheek in response and went on to tell Youngjae more about his job.  
Youngjae then realized what a stunning human being Mark was.

Jackson on the other hand, studied physical education, but also took a lot of electives in health management and medical sports. He was currently working in a fitness center with the goal of opening his own business soon.

“First I thought about becoming a teacher or a coach, since my dad drilled me all my life and he was and is my biggest role model. Then I got a part time job at a local fitness studio during college. There I had this one client, Sooyoung, she is still my fave”, a proud expression ghosting over his face,”she lost over 60 kilograms and is now almost fitter than I am. It was a long and hard journey, but the result will always be my source of energy. I just realized, teaching kids would not satisfy me. I appreciate the freedom I have while training people, who really put a lot of effort into changing and staying healthy. Also I love long term relationships in any way.” He winked at Mark, who just rolled his eyes. Youngjae could have sworn though, a light red was decorating Mark's cheeks. However it was dark, so he was not sure.

“I really like that my clients are with me in the long run and I can always improve their training.” Jackson finished his explanation. Youngjae could not help, but realize Jackson's nicely build body.  
He should get a grip on himself.

“So since we bored you to death with our life stories, will you tell us about you?” Youngjae snorted, “You didn't bore me at all. You two are just so overwhelming. My life seems rather boring compared to yours. You have already so much accomplished even though you are only 25.”

The brown haired man next to him frowned and laid a hand on his thigh. _Oh._

“Youngjae, an artist lives in their own time and reality. So please don't compare yourself. I personally think, as long as you feel good with what you have done until now, everything is fine. So now tell us, we are really curious.” As to undermine Jackson's words, Mark nodded enthusiastically.

Now he felt a little more encouraged.

“I am in my third year of college majoring in music.” Even though Youngjae knew this was a really boring subject, Jackson and Mark looked at him admiringly. So he went on. “I play the piano and the guitar. Even though I prefer the piano, the guitar has its advantages for singing. Strumming the accompanying harmonies with the guitar, while singing the melody is what I love the most. Both instruments have their strong points.”

“I really wanna hear you sing.”, Jackson interrupted his words. Youngjae blushed. “What? Don't worry, it's average, you can hear such a voice almost everywhere nowadays.”, he tried to play the commotion down.

Mark and Jackson exchanged a look. “I would also really like to hear your voice, Youngjae-ah.”, Mark said in a calming voice. The dark haired boy felt shy, a cherry blossom red decorating his cheeks. He shook his head.

“Anyway,” Mark and Jackson accepting his wish to not press the topic any further. “I would really like to become a teacher. I love kids.” A sad smile ghosting over his face.

“I still want to hear you sing.” Jackson pouted, which made Youngjae laugh out loud, being shushed by the passenger a row before him. He toned it done, but still giggled.

The older looked pleased.

The flight continued like this, until they touched down in Incheon.

Jackson and Mark were going to be picked up by their friend and offered Youngjae to drop him off at the dorms, where he stayed in Seoul.

It was however an other week until the start of the new semester, so Youngjae would take the KTX down to Mokpo to share his experiences _(and presents obviously, duh)_ with his family.

As they were waiting at the baggage claim, Jackson made sure Youngjae gave him and Mark his phone number. Jackson saved him under the name 'Random dude sleeping on my shoulder', earning him a slap to his chest.Youngjae was only allowed to go with the promise to text as soon as he got to Mokpo safely. When he walked towards the train station, he turned around to glance back, just to realize Mark and Jackson were still staring at him. So he lifted both his hands and waved, while smiling sweetly. After he left, he could feel their eyes, burning holes into his backside. Back then he didn't understand his spinning gut.

Although it was _(obviously)_ his best flight ever, he didn't think they would stay in contact. Promises of keeping in touch made too often and broken even more. But after he settled down on the train, his thoughts already wandered to his new arrangement. The project for the performance class in the 5th semester would make up half his grade. He wanted to adapt a classical musical piece into the context of a modern musical. Basically he wanted to write an one act theater monologue, which will be pervaded by short sung lines.

Pulling out his working material, he placed his phone next to him as well. It had a keyboard app being of good use at some point in his work. What he didn't expect were the multiple messages on his phone.

_Youngjae was added to the group “flight buddies”_

**Jackson-Hyung:** Youngjae-ah, are you already there?

**Mark-Hyung:** Are you stupid, he probably just got in.

**Jackson-Hyung:** Did I ask you, Babe? Nowadays these trains are super fast.

**Mark-Hyung:** They are super fast, but they can't teleport you. He didn't even leave more than half an hour ago.

Youngjae could literally hear their bickering voices in his head. It made him smile prettily.

**Jackson-Hyung:** Youngjae, save me from Mark. He is always so mean on the phone :(

**Mark-Hyung:** Then don't text me.

**Jackson-Hyung:** I didn't speak to you anyway. I talked to Youngjae.

**Youngjae:** Hyuuungs~ pls don't fight. Jackson-Hyung it's still gonna take a while. The travel time is around 4 hours. I should work, but I don't want to.  >.<

**Jackson-Hyung:** Then we will save your day again.

They texted back and forth, the whole way to Mokpo, the conversation being mostly between Jackson and Youngjae. The small, but significant input which Mark gave though, was just as precious. Youngjae was so immersed into texting, he almost missed his stop. On the platform was his mother, waiting to pick him up. He wrote a short note to his Hyungs, that he will probably be busy for the next hours.

The week went on with Youngjae trying to spend as much time as possible with his siblings and his sisters kids, being a good uncle. Every day he met either friends or family, letting his days bloom in variety. But what stayed constant throughout the week were his Hyungs texting him.  
Not that he didn't welcome the effort of Jackson and Mark to become friendly with him, he just didn't understand the reason. They seemed like such interesting individuals and then there was Choi Youngjae, your average boy next door.

When he had to leave for Seoul, he was happy and sad at the same time. Carrying his luggage home would be a hassle, good transport system or not. He would be glad when the day was over.  
So to say, he was more than surprised when he reached Yongsan Station and saw no other than Mark standing on the platform, waving at him.

Youngjae's face brightened up. “Hyung, what are you doing here? Are you waiting for someone?”

Mark chuckled. “I did, but he arrived.” Youngjae looked at him confused. Has there been someone on the same train as Youngjae whom Mark knew? What a random coincidence.

“Who is he? Is he from Mokpo as well? Maybe I know him then.” Mark started laughing with his whole body, which was really cute, but Youngjae just didn't understand what was so funny. “I was waiting for you, you dork.” A light flick was placed against his forehead. His faced must have been a hilarious sight, because Mark started cracking up again. As soon as he calmed down, he snatched the suitcase from Youngjae, making his way to the parking lot.

“But Hyung, why are you here? I would have just taken the bus.” His bad conscience acting up.  
Mark just hummed. “I wanted to. Jackson wanted to come too, but he was held up at work. And you said the bus to your dorm always takes such a long time, because of the route.”

“That's true, but that didn't mean you have to feel forced to pick me up. Seriously.”  
Mark stopped so fast, Youngjae almost ran into him. A stern gaze was send his way. “I'm here because I want to.” He didn't want to insult his Hyung in any way, so he took his hand and smiled adorably at him. “I just mean, I don't want to waste your time. But I am really happy that you came to pick me up.” Mark seemed satisfied and continued to walk, only letting go of Youngjae's hand, when the latter pulled it away.

Normally the communicating was mostly between Jackson and Youngjae, so Youngjae was even more surprised that Mark came. He couldn't quite grab Mark's personality. The older had his moments were he talked a lot and other moments where words seemed to much. The quiet surrounding him wasn't exactly uncomfortable, just new.

When they reached Mark's car, a BMW, Youngjae made a mental note to never have expectations again. Mark just didn't seem like the type of person to care what kind of car he drove. “You have a nice car.”, the younger noted.

“Ah, yeah it was in the persuasion package of the company, to make me more pliable.”

“Did it work?”

Mark looked a little embarrassed. “Let's say, they did a good job at stalking my social media.” Youngjae smirked, it was funny to see his cool Hyung a little in tumult.

When they arrived at the dorm, he was an hour earlier than he planned. Mark went to lift out his  
bags, stupid Hyung, he could have done that.

“Do you need help in carrying them upstairs?” Youngjae shook his head. “You sure?”

“I live on the first floor. I think I can handle one staircase. I am not made out of glass.” He knew his Hyung only meant good, but he felt mildly belittled. A hand stretched out to ruffle his hair.

“Okay, then I will see you around. Text us, when you need help with anything. We are only a call away.”

Just as Mark was about to get in his car, Youngjae made up his mind. “Hyung.” Mark turned to him, looking curiously. “What are you and Jackson Hyung doing on Friday? There is this really small Korean restaurant. If you have time, I would like to invite you both.”

Youngjae swore, he had not seen his Hyung so happy before. “I'd love that. See you Friday then.”  
Even though the car had been gone for a while, Youngjae still stood in the same place, wondering why his heart was beating so fast.

His roommate was yet to arrive, so he could pick beds first. He chose the one by the window, already in love with the thought of sun rays tickling his skin to welcome him to the new day.  
Just as he started to organize his things, the phone went off, with a small sound. He grabbed it from the nightstand and unlocked the screen.

**Jackson-Hyung:** Hyung heard Youngjae-ah is taking his Hyungs out for dinner.  <3

**Youngjae:** Calm down, Hyung, it's just dinner. ^^

**Mark-Hyung:** He is delusional. I think, he crushed my bones when I told him.

Youngjae snorted. His Hyungs were seriously funny.

**Jackson-Hyung:** Well, happy to see you on Friday then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone who made it until here, thank you for reading and checking this out.  
>  This is my first fanfication and I start with M/M/M, well...
> 
> Actually the person who had to hold a presentation about the National Parks in California in 8th grade was me, still wanna see them... :D
> 
> Anyway any kind of feedback will be much appreciated <3  
>  So everybody excited for G7 comeback??? *-* it reminds me of the JJP comeback, the style is similar. Jaebum wrote the Titel Track, as a fan I couldn't be any prouder. However thanks so much ~


	2. Chapter 2

The first week of university always seemed somewhat unnecessary. Teachers introducing themselves, giving heads-up about their exams and grading during the semester. It was nice of them to provide these information, but in Youngjae's opinion spending a whole lesson on it, was too much time wasted. The only thing, where it was truly effective, that the teacher explained the course constitution was for his performance class. But this project was out of the ordinary.

 

His schedule was no joke. At least he didn't have to change buildings too often, otherwise it would have been even more stressful. For their performance program, they got an adviser from the senior year to help them out, if questions appeared.

 

Youngjae looked down at the paper, with the information of his adviser. He was supposed to meet him today. The guy was already 20 minutes late, leaving Youngjae nervous and antsy playing with his straw. They arranged a meeting at one of the campus' cafés. Just as he was about to text him, someone crashed into the chair in front of him. When he looked up, he was met with puppy eyes beaming with joy.

 

“Jackson-hyung.” Youngjae smiled.

 

“If the destiny isn't on my side, then on whose is it? What brings you to this side of the campus? Weren't you a diligent music student and don't you have an awesome cafeteria at the performing arts building?”, Jackson asked.

 

“And you what are you doing on campus? You already graduated. Don't tell me you are one of these people who can't move on from their rowdy days?”, Youngjae teased. A small gasp was heard. Jackson couldn't believe Youngjae had a sassy side in him. Interesting. 

 

“Actually I work around the corner. And normally a friend of mine eats his lunch here, so I wanted to annoy him a little before my work starts.” He gave Youngjae a happy look. “So what about you?”

 

Youngjae sighed. 30 minutes.

  
“My adviser was supposed to meet me here, but he is 30 minutes late. Maybe I got it wrong. I should text him.” Jackson motioned him to go ahead.

 

**Youngjae:** Hello this is Youngjae. I am the student you are assigned to advise for the performance project. I am at the café right now and you are not here. Did I mess up the day or time?

 

The bell of the door rang, signaling another costumer. The guy looked around hectically, before he saw Youngjae and took long strides towards his table.

 

“Sorry I'm late. You must be Young-jun right?” A hysteric laugh was heard and Youngjae blushed.

 

“Why are you late anyway? His name is Youngjae, read your info carefully next time.” Youngjae was speechless, how could Jackson be so rude and Youngjae still had to work with the raven haired guy the whole semester. Awesome.

 

“Jackson-hyung!” To Youngjae's surprise, he wasn't the only person calling out Jackson's name frustrated.

“Remember my friend, whom I wanted to visit. Well, I couldn't be more surprised your adviser and my friend are exactly the same person. Come sit down.” He patted the chair next to him and the guy took a seat, a little speechless to the whole situation.

 

Luckily Youngjae got a grip of the situation faster than the other one and smilingly held out his hand. “I'm Youngjae.” Still a little phased, why Jackson was here, the boy shook his hand nonetheless. “Jaebum. Sorry for being late, I still had a talk with one of my own supervisors for my final thesis. But now I am all ears, you shortly send me your idea and I have to say it sounds good. At first though”, the guy – Jaebum – turned to Jackson, “what are you doing here? And since when is your hair color brown?”

 

Jackson looked pleased Jaebum noted. He told him, he dyed it back in America since the blond was too crass for long term. Furthermore it was way easier to be taken seriously with a decent look. They went on to talk a little about the America trip to Marks parents and how Jackson always felt like he belonged to the family. Whenever Jackson brought up his relationship with Mark, Youngjae's chest slightly tightened and he couldn't pinpoint why. But he did not like this feeling at all. So at some point he cleared his throat. The chatter stopped and four eyes were on him.

 

“Sorry to disturb you. My next seminar is about to start, so I need to leave.” Jackson stood up. “Youngjae-ah, I didn't want to steel your time.” The round puppy eyes threw him an abashed gaze.

“Don't be stupid Jackson. It was me who was late, so Youngjae-ssi, I'm really sorry.” Youngjae just waved it aside.

“Jackson-Hyung, sit down. It's fine, don't feel bad.”,he reassured the brown haired man and then turned to his adviser. “Jaebum-ssi, just text me when you are free again. I mean, this meeting was only supposed to be a meet and greet anyway. I will send you my detailed script. Then you can have an impression of what I try to create.” Jaebum nodded. “Fine, I will text you. See you soon, Youngjae-ssi.”

 

“Okay, bye Jaebum-ssi. Jackson-Hyung, see you tomorrow. I am looking forward to it.” Youngjae didn't wait for a reply. All he wanted was to get away from these weird feelings.

 

The gentle Autumn air stroking his face felt calming, like he could breath again. Or so he thought. As he was about to walk to his next course building, he felt someone linking their arms.

“I need to make sure, nobody steals you away, while you dreamily count the clouds.” Before he could overthink his action, Youngjae placed a simply hit on Jackson's chest. Again.

“Be careful, my poor heart.” The older dramatically put a hand over his left pectoral muscle.

“For someone who studied health and works with people's bodies, you hopefully know your heart is not located on the left side. Only the apex of the heart is pointing that way.”

 

Jackson looked at him aghast. “No respect for the elder generations nowadays. These greenhorns. What should we do with you? This generation is a lost cause.” The other went on to rumble about the irreverence, he was facing all the way to Youngjae's building. At some point they had to pause. The younger boy couldn't stop laughing and almost ended up hyperventilating. When they reached Youngjae's seminar room, he made sure to thank Jackson thoroughly. Only noticing after he took a seat, that his Hyung ditched his friend to accompany Youngjae. A warm sensation spread through his body, making his fingertips tingle and letting the tight feeling from before disappear.

 

Musical history was a beautiful subject. Discussing the evolution of different styles after the 18th century always had Youngjae's full attention. Except for today. Today all he thought about, was Mark picking him up from the train station and Jackson staying with him all the way to his class. Why? He knew, he gave off that lost puppy vibe. He didn't want their pity though. Maybe he viewed it wrong this whole time. It didn't have to be about him as a person in particular. Perhaps Mark and Jackson just liked making new friends. The latter obviously had distinct features of a social butterfly. Mark on the other hand was rather the exact opposite. Being social sometimes acts like an illness, Jackson probably just rubbed off on Mark. Youngjae was easily to befriend with and Mark and Youngjae had a lot in common in the first place. _Yeah, that must be it._ This would also explain his weird feelings, he was probably worried they just pitied him.

 

Who goes on a two month trip to an other continent alone anyway? It's not that the black haired boy didn't have any friends. He had tons of them, home in Mokpo. And he had his siblings, who always felt like the trustworthiest people in his life. Moving to the city though, was different indeed. Nobody here cared getting to know anyone; the person themselves had to put in effort to secure a social life.

Certainly Youngjae wanted to have friends, but between his schedule at work and his classes was only little time left. This time was too precious to waste it on finding potential friends, when it could be spent in front of his computer with his best friends from Mokpo, trying to reach that 'Gold V' rank on League of Legends.

 

During his classes, he was always to concentrated and focused to actually interact. Additionally the design of his study guaranteed three people a secured work place in one of the biggest record companies. Competition and envy were constant companions of the students and not the best basis for a stable friendship. Youngjae didn't even want to pursue a carrier in the record business, but no one would believe that anyway. So he preferred to keep to himself. Explaining why he went on the America trip alone. Mostly he enjoyed being unaccompanied, sometimes though, it would have been nice to share experiences with someone else.

 

When everybody started moving and packing their things, Youngjae realized he had been dreaming the whole period. Luckily the professor wrote the homework on the board, sparing him to ashamedly ask him or fellow students, indirectly admitting his inattentiveness. Quickly he put down what he needed to do at home and just as he was about to elope the class, his teacher called after him.

 

“Youngjae-ssi, I really liked your work from the past semesters, so don't slack now. Your chances are really good to be considered a candidate for the companies. So I expect a lot of you.” Encouragingly the lecturer put a hand on his shoulder. “If you have trouble to keep your average, just ask me for extra credit. We can always arrange something.” He thanked the teacher and bowed slightly, before he almost ran out of class, hoping not too many fellow students heard the professors words. It was no secret some instructors gave extra credit, especially to people who struggled or in Youngjae's case, to people who tried to graduate with summa or magna cum laude. And even though the companies didn't choose their representatives due to grade, it still left a big impression.

 

He checked his phone, since he put it to 'do not disturb' mode _(you know, the little half moon, for all the iphone users out there)._ A message from his co-worker, that he would be probably late. When was he ever early? Youngjae chuckled. The day Bambam started to be early, Youngjae would be worried to death. 

 

Bambam was this cute kid from Thailand, which came to Korea to pursue his degree in 'Film and Television'. His skills where no joke. Youngjae had his deepest respect for such a young boy, knowing what he wanted in life. Bambam came one year before his actual studies; started learning the language. They met through work and even though Youngjae always had to laugh about his shenanigans, sometimes the boy was too much. Especially paired with his best friend and co-worker. Them two were the people Youngjae would almost consider friends.

 

Another message was from Jaebum, sending him his schedule, so Youngjae could chose a time to meet again. He typed a quick 'thank you, I will let you know soon' back. The third message on his phone made him smile. 

 

_[Flight buddies]_

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Youngjae-ah, when are we meeting tomorrow? Can't wait for the plane crew be back together.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** That sounds like we work on a plane.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** I wouldn't mind seeing either of you in a flight attendant's attire.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Ew. Spare the poor kid with your thoughts.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Only rudeness today.

 

Was he flirting? Youngjae wasn't sure. Okay, he could obviously tell his boyfriend something like this, but why include the younger boy. It was probably Jackson being Jackson. He chose to ignore the statement and only answered the question given.

 

**Youngjae:** How about 7 p.m.?

 

Just as he was about to put his phone away and hurry to work, his phone went off again.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Would eight be okay as well? I have this client until 6:45 p.m. and I would really prefer to shower. Except you want me there sweaty, then be my guest.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Ew. Again.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** :((

 

**Youngjae:** ^^ No worries, 8 is fine.

 

Caught up in texting and giggling in between, he didn't recognize the passed time. When he finally saw there were only 10 minutes left until the start of his shift, he rushed out the building, running the whole way to his work place. Fortunately his work place didn't have electronic time stamps, allowing him to manually put in the correct time. To his defense, he always stayed overtime anyway. His boss could cope, him being 3 minutes late.

 

A click was heard as he left the staff room. Yugyeom smirked at him. “I had to capture this very moment. We have been working together for months and not once have you been late. Hyung, explain yourself.” The tall boy held a straw _(from his chococino)_ in front of him, mimicking a microphone. Since no costumer was around, Youngjae grabbed the straw with his teeth and blew through it into Yugyeom's face. The other looked at him disgustedly. “Ah, spit.” Both of them burst into a fit of laughter. Yugyeom stayed until Bambam came, which Youngjae was thankful for. Handling the evening inrush of costumers was always hectic. Running between the cash register, sorting and putting away clothes was exhausting. However Youngjae still liked working in the evening better. The hours seemed to pass way faster, when you were busy. Morning schedules mostly consisted of redecorating and rearranging clothes. Classes after working in the morning usually felt more tiring. Just his personal opinion.

 

“Youngjae-Hyung”, Bambam addressed him, when they were about to close the shop,”Yugyeom and I found this great flat near the campus. It gives way more privacy than the campus' dorms and has these three nice bedrooms. The rent is the same as the dorm's rent, when split into three.” The younger beamed at him. Youngjae was a little startled. “That's great?” Bambam still stared at him happily. Okay, that was getting weird. Maybe he didn't give enough of a reaction. As to underline his word, he lifted up both his thumbs and forced a bright grin, with teeth and all. The silver haired boy didn't stop staring until it was borderline psycho. Now the other sighed. “You are just way to oblivious. I was talking about three bedrooms. Yugyeom and I want you to move in with us.”

 

“And be always on the receiving end of your mischievousness? I don't know, if I am in the right mind to agree to that.” This would certainly interrupt his calm life.

 

“Ah, come on. Don't be like that. It will be fun. And we will leave you enough Youngjae time. Well, that's not what I meant.” The younger boy grinned. “What I mean, if you need to have a few hours to yourself, we can keep it down. I promise. You can also bring your computer from Mokpo. I know for a fact, you would rather play at home, than go to a PC-Bang all the time.” Damn, he found his weak point. “Can I think about it? And I need to see the apartment first, before I agree to anything.” Bambam squealed happily. “I will send you the address. Can you come look at it on Saturday?” Youngjae nodded. They made their way back to the campus bidding their goodbyes at some point, since they lived in different dorms.

 

When he arrived at his room, the lights were off. Apparently his roommate went to bed already. As quietly as possible, Youngjae got himself ready for bed. While he wanted to set the alarm for the next day, he noticed the messages.

 

_[Flight buddies]_

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Youngjae, where are you? I'm lonely.

 

**Youngjae:** I'm home now. ^_^ I was at work. Why are you lonely? You have Mark-Hyung.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Mark is mean again.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Just because I ignore you sometimes.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** *gasp* And you call yourself my boyfriend.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Sometimes I feel more like a parent.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** :D This was wrong on so many levels.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Daddy.  <3

 

**Mark-Hyung:** ;)

 

**Youngjae:** ?

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Don't mind it. How was work Youngjae? Please don't tell Hyung, you went home alone, in the dark, all by yourself.

 

**Youngjae:** ^^ No worries, my co-worker lives near me. When we split, I was already on the campus ground.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Okay, I accept that. Not that someone steals you away, before tomorrow and then I waited two weeks in vain. And in the end I wouldn't be able to see you.

 

**Youngjae:** Hyung, we saw each other today.

 

**Jackson-Hyung** : shh, that's not the same.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Just ignore him. So Youngjae, should we pick you up tomorrow?

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** :(

 

**Youngjae:** It's really near, like 10 minutes or something.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Don't worry then, we will pick you up. 7:50 at yours?

 

**Youngjae:** Hyungs  >.< you don't have to.

 

After that Mark and Jackson reassured him multiple times, that it was their choice and Youngjae should just accept it. He bid them a good night, when he noticed arguing was leading him nowhere. _Silly_ , both of them, but pleasant nonetheless. Sleep didn't come to him easily and he knew it would take a toll on him tomorrow.

 

 

Friday morning was, as Youngjae predicted, horrible. Who in his right mind created student's schedules like this? 7:30 a.m. was his 'techniques of composition' class. The subject was obligatory throughout the second and third year, so at least he was aware of what to expect from the class. Though he heard their former teacher had health issues and wouldn't be the one teaching them this year. But that were only rumors. He had to see for himself.

 

Gladly he found that really cute alarm app, when he was bored on one of the evenings in America. He read an article about 'AlarmMon' being the most downloaded application in Korea, he thought he would give it a try. The ringtone was really sweet, but it'd only turn off, when he answered a mathematical formula. So by now Youngjae couldn't stand the tone at all anymore, but it got him out of bed.

 

The clock read seven. Blindly grabbing the first two items out of his closet would do. Silently walking into the bathroom, he decided to only do the most essential things and shower after work.

After that he set off to his class. Word spread faster than the plague. By the time he entered the room of his seminar, the first dirty looks were thrown his way. _Awesome._

 

This whole new situation was a stress factor, Youngjae wasn't prepared to handle. He was just glad when his class was over and he was speed walking to his next class. He couldn't even enjoy the new teachers methods, even though they were really good. The last seminar for the day ended half past twelve, leaving him half an hour to get to his work. Normally he would have stopped at 'paris baguette' and got himself and Bambam, who had the shift with him a snack. Today was different though. The thoughts of his classmates circulated through his head. Seeing his work place never felt this relieving, it lifted his spirits and took his mind off the nasty jealousy behind his fellow student's eyes.

 

“Youngjae-hyung, where is my cake?”, Bambam pouted. “Sorry Bambam-ah, I just forgot.” Youngjae looked at him apologetically.

  
“Okay, I forgive you, but only because you look so pitiful. What's wrong? Yesterday you were so cheerful about seeing your friends from the flight again.” Bambam looked at him expectantly. _True._

He kind of forgot for a few seconds, his smile returned. The younger boy was right, Youngjae should focus on the positive things in life. He will see his Hyungs. A giggle left his mouth, just thinking about them. 

 

“That's the only face I wanna see today, Hyung. You were so happy, when you talked about them yesterday.” An encouraging slap was placed on his back. “Now get yourself ready, your shift starts in 10.” With these words, Bambam went back to the cash register. 

 

Work passed without any further event. When Bambam reassured him to leave early, Youngjae grabbed his stuff and went home. As soon as he reached his dorm, he went to take a shower and shaved afterwards.

 

_Crap._ He stood in front of his closet. What was he supposed to wear? This was a casual evening, right? Why should he care what to put on? But Mark and Jackson were both stunning human beings. He at least wanted to adjust, though reaching their standards would be impossible for someone like Youngjae. A ripped black jeans put together with a blank white shirt and an oversize gray sweater would do, or so he hoped. 

 

At 7:45 p.m. he stood at the spot, where Mark first dropped him off, waiting for his Hyungs to come. Just a beat later, he saw the BMW passing down the street, halting right in front of him. The door was opened, revealing a bright grinning Jackson. The older pulled Youngjae into a hug, before he went to open the back door for Youngjae to get into the car. “Hyung, I can do that myself.” He blushed. “It's fine. I was already standing anyway.” Jackson sat down in the front seat again and after Mark turned around to welcome Youngjae, the oldest started the engine.

 

Youngjae described the way to the restaurant, where he reserved a table just in case. You never know, when people feel crazy about good food. When the car stopped,Youngjae directly got out, before Jackson would open his door again, making Youngjae feel all kind of ways.

They entered the restaurant and Youngjae gave his name for the reservation. The usher told them to take off their shoes and then led them to a small, but cozy room. The only thing inside was a lowered table with sit cushions spread around it and a build in grill. After they sat down the waiter came, brought the menus and asked if they already wanted to order something to drink. Jackson was craving beer, while Mark went with a sprite. Youngjae was fine with the water, which was free anyway. But Soju would fit really nicely with grilled meat, so he ordered a bottle of soju and three shot glasses. When the waiter went off with their orders, Jackson, who sat next to him, threw his arm over Youngjae's shoulder and pulled him closer. “I didn't know you wanted to celebrate so badly.” The younger looked at him. “You said it yourself, 'Flight Crew' is back together.” Jackson and Mark laughed in a high pitch tone. Their voices were so deep normally, the laughter let them seem more boyish. Youngjae found it really cute. _Well._

 

Meat. Lots of meat. The discussion about their order went back and forth until their waiter came back with their drinks. Mark ordered for all of them. Set A, including beef tongue, pork neck, beef tenderloin and pork belly. In addition he ordered a ramen for himself and two lunch boxes, for Jackson and Youngjae. In the mean time the youngest opened the soju bottle and filled their glasses. As soon as the waiter closed the door to their room, Youngjae lifted his glass. “To the flight buddies. I am really happy we actually stayed in contact. Thanks Hyungs.” Jackson squealed, “Aww, you sweet boy”, and clutched both of his arms around Youngjae, making some of the soju spill over the glass' edges. A soft rose color tinted the black haired boy's cheeks, when he realized Mark's intense gaze on him.

 

Just as he was about to go crazy from their stares, the waiter came back with their meat and started to put everything on the heated grill. They went quiet for a while, getting lost in their own thoughts. When they were alone again, they finally did the toast. The alcohol left a burn in his esophagus, ending in a warmth, spreading through his gut. “So how was your week Hyungs?” Youngjae asked, as he tilted his head slightly to the side and looked at the brown haired men.

 

Jackson began to tell about his week. He got a new client, who was almost obese. The woman and himself worked out a plan to increase her health status. “You also design a food plan for them?”, Youngjae asked. Jackson nodded, “Yeah, and I'm also almost always available for them to call me, because I know the first few weeks will be the hardest to have a relapse. And nowadays you can't enter any store and not be confronted with every kind of sweets possible for example.” Youngjae thought about it, true, it was probably hard to look away, when you were really hungry. Jackson went on about the diet plan they designed, and how his client already lost 3 kilograms by the end of the week. Youngjae tried to listen carefully, but the heat radiating from Jackson's arm still placed on his shoulders, was a little distracting. During Jackson's story, the lunch boxes and the ramen came.

As Jackson finished his story, Youngjae took his lunchbox and shook it several times.

 

Mark grinned at him. “Don't shake shake too much”, he stated in English, which made Youngjae laugh out loudly. So he agitated it once more for the cause. “Tse, tse such a bad boy.” Mark said, while shaking his head. Youngjae smiled. “Hyung, how was your week?”

 

“It was really fine, thanks for asking Youngjae-ah. We made a lot of progress with the game and if it continues like this, we will be going silver in a few weeks.” Youngjae's mouth dropped. “Seriously? Oh my goodness and you only told me now. This is such a major thing. Let's have an other shot for this.” Youngjae went to fill their glasses again. They toasted again, but Mark let them know it was his last one, since he still needed to drive them home safely.  
  
“See Babe, can't I have that reaction the next time I tell you?”, Mark went to tease his boyfriend. “Come on after you explained me, the game is in its final throes, I was really happy”, Jackson pouted. Mark took Jackson's hand and placed a kiss on the inside of his wrist. Youngjae felt compelled to look away, he almost forgot the older men were boyfriends and he was the third wheel here. He wanted to distract himself by digging into his lunch box, but he just got curious. “Can I ask something?” Mark looked at him bewildered. “Of course you can.”

 

“In the plane you said, you were together for almost four years-”, Jackson hummed approvingly, signaling him to go on. “but how did you meet? You didn't tell me.” Mark and Jackson gazes locked. They shared an adorably loving moment with each other, probably both remembering the first encounters.

 

Jackson started to tell Youngjae, how they met on their first day of College, bumping into each other and apologizing in broken Korean. The next time they met again though, was seven month later, where they met at a party of a mutual friend, directly hitting it off. The party ended with them being a little intimate. _(Jackson's words, not Youngjae's)_ Then one thing led to another and now they were 4 years into a relationship.

“We can tell you more details another time, if you want.” Jackson winked at him, leaving Youngjae blushed and earning him another slap to the chest. “Ouch, why am I the only one always getting hit?” Jackson rubbed the spot Youngjae hit. “It's because you talk too much shit, Babe.” Mark grinned. Jackson crossed his arms in front of his body and demonstratively looked to the side. Mark fixed Youngjae with his eyes. “Youngjae-ah, you didn't tell us about your week. How is your new semester? Jackson said, Jaebum is your adviser for your performance project. What do you wanna do?”

 

“The concept is not fully thought through, so I am still arranging things. I will let you know, when I visualized my idea.” Then Youngjae recalled what happened throughout the week, starting with his classes, continuing to the three spots at the corporation at the end of his studies being available. “And then my professor told me, I will may be considered as a potential candidate. Unfortunately all my class mates know now. This will only fuel the hate and rivalry between us.” He sighed. Mark and Jackson exchanged a stern look, which passed without further notice of the youngest. “But no one has said anything mean, right?” Jackson rubbed his shoulder. “No!” Youngjae immediately refused. “It's all passive aggressiveness. It doesn't matter, the university is only preparing us for the real world. The environment outside is way harsher. This is exactly why I want to teach kids, and not work in such toxic conditions. Anyway,”, this was getting a little too serious. ”I think about moving.”

 

Mark and Jackson looked at him surprised. “How come? I thought the dorm was nice and the price was fine as well.”, Mark asked. “My co-workers asked me to move into a flat with three bedrooms. The rent would be the same and the way is not that much longer.”, Youngjae answered.

 

“Do you want that?”

 

“I don't know. It could be good for me, getting my head off university related stuff. I want to go and see the apartment tomorrow.” Youngjae still wasn't quiet sure, if he should do it or not. They ate quietly, Youngjae pouring Jackson and himself another shot, before Jackson directed the word at him again. “So your co-workers asked you?” Youngjae nodded. “And for how long do you know them? What if they are weirdos and sell you to an underground organization stealing your organs?”

Mark put his hand on his temples to rub them. “You are being over dramatic. Don't scare the poor kid.” Youngjae just giggled. “They are really nice, although they can be a handful. But you would probably like them.”

 

“How can you know? For how long have you known them?”

  
“For several month. Here, they are the people, I am the closest to.”

 

Jackson thought for a moment before he continued, “you really shouldn't hang out with people you don't properly know. And then consider moving in with them.” His Hyung was ridiculous. “Jackson-Hyung, just a quick reminder. I only know you and Mark-Hyung for a little more than two weeks.” Jackson looked almost hurt. “This is totally not the same. We are super nice people and only want the best for you. Furthermore you drooled on my shoulder for hours. I think we passed several stages of friendship in just a few moments.” Youngjae put both of his hands in front of his face to hide the embarrassment heating up his cheeks sweetly. Mark sighed, this was getting out of hand. “Youngjae, we just want to ensure, you move in with nice people. How about this, you will go and see the apartment tomorrow. Can we tag along?”

 

An amazed look from Youngjae was send in Mark's direction. “You want to? Are you sure? I will only look at the apartment and meet my co-workers. If I want to move in, I will probably negotiate a lot of things tomorrow as well.” A light smile played at the corners of Mark's mouth. “We want to, seriously. We are both off tomorrow anyway. So please accept.” All Youngjae could do was stutter a 'yes'. They decided to pay soon, since it was getting late. Youngjae excused himself shortly to the toilet.

 

He went in front of the mirrors and splashed some water onto his face. Why were his Hyungs so nice? Should he be more careful? And why the hell were these feelings back again? Well, he couldn't be here forever. When he went back to the room, Mark and Jackson had a quiet but serious discussion.

“Anything wrong?”, he asked. The older men looked up astonished, before they got up. “No everything is fine. Come on we will drive you home, Youngjae.” They handed him his stuff and helped him into his jacket.

 

“Just wait a second, I still need to pay.” He was about to get his purse, when Mark stilled his motions. “No worries, this was on us.”

 

“What? No, come on I wanted to invite you.”, Youngjae sulked. “This is not fair, I wanted to do something for you.” Jackson laughed and patted his head. “If you want to make it up, how about you invite us again next week and we will maybe let you pay.”

  
“What kind of deal is this?”, Youngjae exclaimed, leaving his Hyungs in bright laughter. The bickering went on, until they reached the campus ground. Youngjae was about to say goodbye, when Jackson and Mark got out, with the excuse to escort him to his dorm, since he had been drinking. They wanted to be sure he was safe. As they reached the building Youngjae stayed in, Youngjae searched for his keys.

 

Just as he pulled them out, did he realize the found gazes on Mark's and Jackson's face. “Well, thanks a lot, Hyungs. Again. I will message you the location and time tomorrow. I had a really good time.”

 

“We did too, Youngjae.” Youngjae didn't really know how to say goodbye, so he just waved euphorically, before he opened the door quickly and speed walked around the next corner. As soon as he was out of sight, he leaned against a wall and tried to slow down his accelerated heart beat.

The sensation sweet and bitter at the same time, almost feeling too overwhelming.

 

He would see them again tomorrow. _What should he do?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all sooooo much for reading, bookmarking, leaving kudos and these really sweet comments. This really keeps my spirits high. <3  
> Well Chapter 2, went a little longer than I planned and I hope it wasn't boring. But I definitely wanted to leave more insight on Youngjae. Next chapter will be a little sweeter :) I hope you still liked this chapter.
> 
> How did y'all like the comeback? Firework is probably my fav song. The songs all being gentle and sweet and really good support while writing ^^
> 
> Thanks again for reading! I wish you all a wonderful week!


	3. Chapter 3

_6:41, 6:42, 6:43_ , okay, this was getting absurd. Youngjae sighed. He almost stayed up all night, thinking about his feelings, but he still had no answer for his own behavior. Hopefully Jackson and Mark didn't hear his pulse rate last night. That would only make things awkward. If he was not sleeping, he could at least put this time to good use. As quietly as possible, he got himself ready and grabbed his bag. After he pulled out the keys and locked the door, he made his way outside of the building. The sun was still about to rise as the golden-reddish tree tops were kissed by a gentle mist. Youngjae rubbed his hands together and blew his breath on the insides of his hands to keep them warm. The morning was fresh, every inhale caused his lungs a slight burn. But Youngjae loved mornings like this, they helped him clear his mind.

 

The distance to the performing arts building was short. It was nice, that the building was open from 6 a.m. to midnight, leaving him a wide range to arrange his studies while working. During the exam phase it was accessible 24/7, but the hours were really needed. It almost always occurred that there was a shortage of equipment, meaning there was a real fight about the usage of instruments. This was one of the points on the advantages side on the pro and con list about moving in with Yugyeom and Bambam. Certainly Youngjae was not able to put a grand piano into his room, but the measurements of an E-piano should fit. Well, he was about to see. Youngjae was thankful, when he reached the entrance of the building, before his mind took him to the meeting in the afternoon, leaving him feel giddy.

 

The security guard merely took notice of him, only glancing over the edge of his newspapers and then returning to the article he read. Youngjae hurried to his favorite room, hoping no one was there. His chances should be good. On a weekend day, early in the morning, at the beginning of the semester. Nobody would be that crazy. _(well, except him, but he had a solid reason)_

Luck was on his side, nobody was there. Before starting the practice, he pulled out his phone to check for messages, since he never attended his phone while working. Bambam sent him the location and time for the upcoming meeting. He copied it and posted it into the group with Mark and Jackson, after he wished them a wonderful morning. Hopefully he didn't wake them with the message. After he turned his phone to flight mode, he pulled out his notes, a pencil and _(most importantly)_ his metronome.

 

Since singing was part of his practice, he started to warm himself up. There has been a time, where he didn't take care of his throat, and immediately payed the price with an overly stressed larynx. It took a few weeks until he was finally able to sing again without pain. As a part of his warm up, he began to yawn with the effect of relaxing his throat, his diaphragm, the muscles on his neck and for freeing the airways. After that he _(really)_ gently coughed, to remind his abdominal, lower pectoral and back muscles to flex and tighten a little. He did a few more lip and muscle exercises, before he was good to go.

 

Four hours passed within a blink of an eye. Slowly he stretched his tense muscle from sitting in the same position for such a long time. Youngjae picked up his phone to look at the time. Eleven-thirty. He could still do another two hours, then he should go get ready to see the apartment. Just as he was about to start again, the door opened. A pretty boy stuck his head inside the room and smiled at him. “Sorry to bother, but I wanted to know, whom this golden voice belonged to,” said the dark brown haired boy. Youngjae shyly played with the outgrown hair in his neck. “That would be me, I guess,” he answered. “Man, do I wish I had your volume and your pitch range. I'm really struggling with long high notes.”

 

“You sing?”

 

“Of course, I'm a musical and theater major.”

 

Youngjae looked impressed. “Hey, you heard me sing. I find it only fair, to hear you as well. If you don't mind..ehm..would you like to sing together?” The boy's eyes crinkled sweetly. He stepped inside and pulled the door shut behind him. “Scout over,” he told Youngjae. As he was told, Youngjae made space for Jinyoung to sit on the piano bench. “Would you mind to accompany me on the piano? I don't play it as well as you do,” the boy asked. Youngjae nodded. They needed to discuss a little about what the boy wanted to sing and what Youngjae was able to play without note sheets. After a short while they settled for a pop song they both liked very much. Without pressure Youngjae started playing the song perfectly. When the brown haired boy began to sing, Youngjae's finger almost stopped. He was mesmerized. The voice hit such a nice low pitch, every word sang clearly only slurred when wanted. No flat notes, no strained ones. A really beautiful baritone voice.

“Wow,” Youngjae aspirated. The boy next to him beamed. “Your voice is truly beautiful, I wish my octaves were as clearly separated as yours.”

 

“Nonsense,” the boy stated, ”your singing is wonderful as it is.” They started to sing together, varying between different songs and styles. One time Youngjae absolutely missed the ad lip, which ended in both boys cracking up so hard, they almost fell from the chair. A high melody went across the room, disrupting the laughter. Youngjae picked up his phone to turn off the alarm. Three o'clock, he should get going. “I like you. How about we repeat this?” The boy looked at him expectantly. “I'd like that. A lot.” Youngjae went to put away his things, while the other boy got up. Suddenly realizing something, he shrieked. Swiftly he turned around, almost scaring the other one to death.

  
“What?”

 

“We didn't even exchange names! I'm Youngjae!” He almost shouted and outstretched his hand. The other boy still looked a little startled, before he grabbed Youngjae's hand with both of his own and shook the hand zealously. “Where were my manners? I must have been to caught up in your voice. I'm Jinyoung and in my third year.” Youngjae's ears perked up. “Me too. So we are the same age? That's nice.”

 

“Would you mind giving me your number? Then we can arrange another singing session. I feel like my voice improved a lot today.” Youngjae gladly pulled out his phone and placed it into Jinyoung's hand. Jinyoung did the same with his own phone. As soon as they saved the contacts, Jinyoung made his exit. Who would have thought, that after such a shitty night, the day would proceed so nicely. After he turned off the flight mode, he put his phone into his pocket. When he left the room, his phone intensely vibrated for a lot of seconds. There was no time to check his messages, he would do that after the quick shower. At the room there was no sight of his roommate, letting him wander around freely. The hot water warmed his cold skin, leaving a rather uncomfortable sting on his whole body. After the quick shower, he blew dry his hair. This resulted in a voluminous, soft mess of black hair. He hoped his hair would calm down, when he walked outside in the wind. Grabbing a black jeans with cut-outs at the knees and an oversized red hoodie, he stuffed his important belongings into the pockets of the pants.

 

 

Twenty minutes before four. He should set off, otherwise he would be late. As expected the wind nicely mussed his hair, as he sprinted in the direction his phone advised him to. At the time he turned to the right at the cross section, he heard some car honk. The car then stopped next to him and a deep voice said: “Can I give you a ride, sweetheart?” Youngjae confusedly turned his head, just to look at his Hyung. “Jackson-hyung,” he realized. Mark at least had the decency to roll his eyes, making Youngjae giggle. When he saw that Jackson wanted to open his own door again, he instantly entered the car, making him stop his motion. Youngjae couldn't see the small pout tingling around the corners of Jackson's mouth.

“I'm glad, we still saw you. Didn't you read our messages?” Mark caught his eyes in the reflection of the rear view mirror. Damn, Youngjae forgot to check his phone. “I am sorry, Hyung. I was busy all morning. Every time I practice, I put my phone to 'flight' or 'don't disturb' mode.” With the words, he pulled out his phone to read, what Mark and Jackson messaged him. While he scanned through the words on the electronic device, snorts and snickers left his mouth. Jackson apparently was half worried because Youngjae didn't answer. Mark on the other hand pleaded Youngjae to check his phone due to Jackson getting into mom mode. “Jackson-Hyung, you really need to stop worrying. I am already twenty-two years old,” he said half amused, half serious. “I can't!” Jackson exclaimed. “Your cute otter face attracts to many people.” Youngjae laughed out loud in surprise. “My what?”

 

“Did no one tell, that you look like an otter?” Jackson asked. “What? No! That's ridiculous. I don't look like an otter.” Youngjae put his hand in front off his eyes, shaking his head slowly. What to do with his Hyung? “I can prove it,” Jackson said, while pulling out his phone, scrolling through his photos. “Look,” he turned around and showed Youngjae the picture. “I don't look like this. Mark-hyung, please back me up here.” To Youngjae's dismay, Mark just bit his lip and looked rather apologetic. “Hyung, why?” He always assumed Mark was the more reasonable one, maybe he was wrong. Both his Hyungs were crazy. “I'm sorry Youngjae-ah, but you look exactly like an otter, if not even cuter.” He was kind of used to Jackson being so straight forward, but when Mark did it, it always left him dumbfounded. So he just crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked to the side, ignoring the sweet red adorning his cheeks. “Look,” Jackson's voice was heard again, “now he is a sulking otter. So cute.” Youngjae tried to shoot him and Mark a mad look, which only made them giggle more. Slowly he felt stupid. “Please stop and let me out. You don't take me seriously.” At once they stopped laughing. “We are sorry Youngjae-ah, we didn't mean to hurt you. If anything we just think you are too cute to be true,” Mark told in a calm, deep voice. The heat which just left his cheeks, returned sending tingles through his whole body. “I forgive you. But no more otter comments,” he tried to ignore his _(stupid)_ feelings.

 

Jackson led his hand around the back of the front seat, looking for Youngjae's own. As soon as he found the hand, he intertwined their fingers and applied a slight, reassuring pressure to Youngjae's dorsal side of the hand. The rest of the drive went in silence. The silence was not of heavy nature, it was rather soothing. Ten more minutes past until Mark pulled into a parking spot and stopped the engine. Youngjae was still to flustered from the hand holding, that he didn't notice the gone warmth and a door being opened for him, again. “Hyung, I can do that alone,” Youngjae started to say, when Jackson just pulled him out of the car, not caring the slightest about the complaint. “Just let your Hyungs spoil you, Youngjae.”

 

“You know, you can't always play the 'we are your Hyungs' card.”

 

“I will play it as often as it needs to be played.” Youngjae sighed. “Well, then don't get bothered, when I expect it of you all the time. Picking me up, holding my door, paying my food.” Jackson smiled. “With pleasure.” That's not what he wanted to hear. Luckily Yugyeom and Bambam were already there, waving them over. Mark slang his arm around Jackson's waist, pulling him close as they followed Youngjae towards his co-workers. When they reached the rather lanky boys, Youngjae introduced them to each other. Yugyeom immediately started a conversation asking various things, while Bambam eyed them up suspiciously. “So you are the couple Youngjae-hyung met on the plane,” he disrupted Yugyeom's flow of words. Everybody looked at Bambam. “I have to say, I don't know you, but after you two showed up, Youngjae started getting more relaxed, so I thank you for that.” Bambam bowed slightly, leaving the older man a little amused. “What are you? My mum? You are younger than me. Respect your Hyung,” Youngjae groaned. “Anyway let's go inside. I want to see the apartment.” Bambam pulled out the keys, opening up the apartment for them. The landlord must really trust Bambam to give him the keys already.

The apartment was, to put it simple, huge. It possessed a small corridor for shoes and jackets, followed by an extremely nicely colored living room, including a kitchen. There were four additional doors, two at each side of the living room. Probably the bedrooms and the bath. The apartment was nice, but he could never afford that. Didn't Bambam say something about paying the same price? That seemed rather impossible. He looked at Mark, whose face flashed up in surprise. Certainly Youngjae's had to be the same. He cleared his throat. “Bambam, didn't you say something about paying the same amount as I pay at the dorm?” Bambam seemed like he was caught red handed. He lifted his arm and rubbed the back of his head. “About that.” Youngjae's eyes went wide. “You know I can't pay more, maybe a little, but this exceeds my limit. Why did you make me come here? So I see this beautiful apartment and can't say no?” From the corner of his eye he saw Mark and Jackson getting into a defensive position. Conciliatorily Bambam raised his hands. “I told you to tell him beforehand,” Yugyeom said in a calm voice. “Tell him what?” Mark almost snarled. “Oh wow, chill, everyone.” Bambam was honestly a little scared of Youngjae's companions, their posture was somehow menacing. “Okay, yes. I made you come here first, so you can't say no.” Mark and Jackson moved to each of Youngjae's sides. Bambam would have found this pretty interesting, if he wasn't kind of fearing his own well being. “But not why you think. My mum's business is going really well at the moment and she had surplus money, which she wanted to invest. Since I live here and most definitely stay here, my mum bought this place. I would have moved in here anyway. But I thought, it would be nice to have roommates. I am a social person.” Bambam realized he drifted off the actual topic. But the men next to Youngjae seemed more at ease now, which encouraged him to continue. “My mum said you can live here for free, but-” “No, that is not right.” Youngjae declared. “But, I knew you'd never agree to that, so just pay the same amount. And for groceries we can either buy them all by ourselves or establish a household budget. Everything else will be divided equally. So please say yes!” Bambam tried to use his sweetest face on his Hyung.

 

Youngjae felt how the tension left the room. Everyone seemed to get back on friendly terms, but what stayed was an awkward silence. “How about you show me the other rooms?” Youngjae tried to get rid of the weird mood. Bambam thankfully grabbed his hand and pulled him from room to room with the other three following him.

 

“And this would be your room.” He opened the last door on the right side of the living room. “The window is pointed to the Southeast, so you would get a mix of morning and afternoon sun. But if you don't like it, we can play rock – paper – scissors over the rooms.”

 

“Are you kidding?” Youngjae stepped into the room, feeling the last fleeting sun rays caught by his window on his face. He loved the room. When he turned around, he could see Mark and Jackson whispering, but never leaving Youngjae out of their eyes. _(He liked that as well, if you got him to admit it.)_ “We need to talk about one thing first.” Youngjae pointed his gaze at Yugyeom and Bambam. “I am saving up for an E-piano and even though most of the time I can use it with headphones, sometimes I just need to take them off and practice without them. I will obviously go to the university for longer periods of study sessions, but there will be times I will practice here. So are you okay with that?” Yugyeom and Bambam nodded their heads frivolously. “Don't worry Hyung. Just tell me beforehand. I will just use the time to watch some porn and jerk off, since it's gonna be loud anyway.” Bambam shrugged. Yugyeom slapped his shoulder. “Gross, dude, _gross._ Really, nobody wanted to know.” Youngjae was not sure, if he made the right decision. “Now I can never study without imagining what you do one room next to me. Thanks a lot.” He shook his head, as to get rid of the nasty images of Bambam. _Ew._

 

“Don't plaint disgusting thoughts into my pure otter's head.” Jackson came into the room, wrapping both of his arms around Youngjae's head, pulling it close to his own chest.

 

“Jackson-hyung, why?” He whined. An amused chuckle, then a full blasting laugh was heard. There they go. “Otter. He called Youngjae pure and an otter.” This will go on for a long time. Suddenly the laughter stopped and was replaced by a hurtful whimpering. Youngjae looked up and saw Mark pulling Bambam's and Yugyeom's ear. “No respect, these kids nowadays. Tse tse tse.”

 

A growl was heard, which broke through the upcoming silence. A second one followed only a moment after. Youngjae then noticed, it was his own stomach.  _Oh yeah,_ he forgot to eat. 

 

“Youngjae-ah, are you hungry?” Jackson asked into his hair. Youngjae freed himself to look around. “Maybe,” he answered vaguely.

 

“Hyung, don't tell me you didn't eat again? I told you last time, how unhealthy that is.” Bambam posed his arms energetically on his hips. Mark perked up at the words. “Does he do that often?” As Bambam was about to tell Mark, what he wanted to hear, Youngjae interfered. “I just forgot this morning. I didn't sleep this well and wasn't feeling hungry and then I went for practice. After a few hours I met someone.” Unseen from the others Mark and Jackson locked eyes, jaws tightening and bodies stiffening. “He was so nice, he heard me sing and wanted to put a face to the voice. Then we sang for hours and we even want to repeat it. It was so much fun, I forgot the time and had to speed up to be here on time. Seriously with the pressure in my year, I would have never thought to find a friend at that stupid university.” A loud 'hey' was heard from Yugyeom and Bambam's direction. “I mean in the same or a related department as I am in. And guess what, he is my age.” Youngjae beamed. It has been a while since he had a friend of the same age. Sometimes it was just easier due to no grammatical and structural formalities present in the same age group, mostly leaving friendships to feel closer and deeper. Not necessarily, but in many cases.

 

A touch to his belly brought him back from his train of thoughts. “Then we will feed this poor guy, who just stated a few moments ago, he was indeed twenty-two and could take care of himself.” Jackson told his belly, while rubbing it softly. Youngjae swatted the older's hand away, containing himself from grinning, both of his lips pressed against each other. “Is someone ticklish?” Jackson extended his hand to test his hypothesis. But Youngjae was faster, almost overrunning the three people accumulated at the door case. Jackson was not far behind, chasing Youngjae around the couch, which already decorated the spacious living room _(seriously, as what did Bambam's mother work)._ After the third round, Youngjae began to feel tired. He just turned around the edge of the sofa, when he slipped, prepared to hit the carpet. But the impact never happened, as strong arms wound around his body and maneuvered them onto the couch.

 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Youngjae, felt the toned body under the tips of his fingers, as he stroked Jackson's chest to comfort him. It shouldn't let him feel so longing. “Hyung,” Youngjae sat up because he was slowly getting worried. Jackson lay with eyes closed, almost as he was sleeping. Youngjae went closer to his face to check, if he was definitely all right. When he placed his own face in front of his Jackson's, the other shot out, softly bumping there noses. _CLOSE._ “I'm fine. Thanks for worrying.” Youngjae got up quickly and just muttered something about not scaring him like that again.

 

Since Youngjae's stomach expressed his hunger a third time, the boys decided to order some pizza, while Yugyeom and Bambam made their way to the next convenient store to get some drinks and ice cream.

 

Youngjae looked at his Hyung's expectantly. “How do you like the kids? They are really nice.” Jackson liked them both. Yugyeom seemed like an innocent kid, to nice for his own good and Bambam like the opposite, more sassy and less innocent. “What about you Mark-hyung?” Youngjae addressed his oldest, when he realized, he had been awfully quiet. “The are both fine.” Youngjae released the breath, he didn't even knew he was holding. There was no solid reason, why he gave anything about the opinion of two people he just met three weeks ago. Still there he was, hoping they would agree to his decision to move into the apartment. “Bambam seems like he has an eye on you. Youngjae-ah, you can't just skip important meals,” he said in a stern voice. Jackson laid a hand on Mark's thigh. “Let the poor kid live and you say I'm behaving like his mom. Do you remember that one time, where you pulled two allnighters in a row. You didn't even know which time nor date it was after.” Youngjae snickered and shot Jackson a thankful glance. “Excuse me for worrying about his health condition.” It was seldom to see Mark on the receiving end, it made him appear more approachable and the red ear tips were super cute. _(from an objective friend's perspective of course)_

 

“Ah yeah, Youngjae-ah, whom did you meet today?” Jackson starred at him intensely. Youngjae told in detail what happened in the morning. He purposely left out the part, where he couldn't sleep because he had to think about his Hyungs, blushing when he remembered the reason why he went practicing so early in the morning. “You know,” Mark said, when Youngjae finished the story, “I'm kind of envious, a random guy heard you sing, but you still didn't sing a single tone for us.” Jackson gave an agreeing hum. “That's different,” Youngjae tried to defend himself. “He sang for me as well.” Jackson rose to his feet. “If that's what you want.” Then he started to sing – loudly and joyful. It made Mark and Youngjae crack up until their stomachs and face muscles hurt.

  
“Okay, now its your turn,” The smile vanished from Youngjae's face. It would only be fair to sing as well now.

 

Saving was near, when Youngjae heard the keys opening the front door. “Guess who brought beer?” Bambam yelled. “Are you even old enough to drink?” Mark teased. “Excuse you, we are already twenty-one.” Yugyeom went around to distribute the bottles. A few minutes later the pizza was brought and Youngjae hurriedly went to the door to pay the deliveryman, before the two oldest would try to pay for it again. _(Enough 'we are your Hyungs', seriously)_ The rest of the evening went smoothly, most conversation between the two youngest and Jackson, accompanied by Youngjae's constant laugh and Mark's sarcastic comments. They discussed the move in date for a while, but agreed on the weekend in two weeks – as it was best for Youngjae to organize and pack his stuff.

 

After the second beer, Youngjae realized how his body got tired. The sleepless night taking a toll on him. He felt a hand on his thigh. With glassy eyes he looked to his right to be met with Mark's worried face. “Are you alright?” Youngjae lifted his hand to cover his yawn. “I just didn't sleep well last night and I'm getting tired.” Mark eyed him thoughtful. “Do you want to go home?” “Not yet,” Youngjae suppressed another yawn. Then he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. “You can sleep a little on my shoulder, if you want to.” And boy, did Youngjae want that. Sleeping sounded so nice and if he got to sleep on Mark's shoulder as a bonus, he was happy to take the offer. “I know my shoulder is probably not as nice as Jackson's,” Mark said in a quiet voice, only for Youngjae to hear. Drowsy and with closed eyes Youngjae searched for Mark's other hand, squeezing it slightly. “Your shoulder is just fine,” were the last words, before he drifted into a cozy slumber.

 

When everybody realized Youngjae was asleep, Mark and Jackson told the others, they would drop Youngjae off at his dorm and make sure he would get home safely. He may was a little intoxicated, but Bambam definitely saw the gazes Mark and Jackson eyed Youngjae with. _Really interesting._

 

Youngjae was woken up, as he was put down to his feet. Disoriented he looked around. The glass door seemed somewhat similar to his dorm's entrance. Then he felt strong arms stabilizing him. “Jae-ah,”  _Oh the name was new_ . “Can you tell me which floor you live on, then I can carry you upstairs.” Youngjae stabilized his stand. “Why didn't you wake me? It must have been so heavy to carry me here. Sorry, Hyung.” Jackson laughed. “Are you kidding? You are light as a feather, you should eat more.” The black haired boy sighed. When the brown haired man made up his mind on certain subjects, there was no need fighting him on that. “I'm awake now. I can go by myself.” Jackson pulled him into a bone crushing hug. “Sleep well, my dear otter.” Earnestly, this Hyung. Mark watched the scene quietly. As Jackson let Youngjae go, he extended his hand to ruffle Youngjae's full black hair softly. “Have a good nights rest, Youngjae-ah.” Youngjae's lashes flutter down prettily, before he looked back at Mark. “Thank you for lending me your shoulder, Hyung.” Then he waved one last time before he made his way to his room. Two nights in a row. He could get used to Mark and Jackson dropping him off. What he couldn't get used to was his pounding heart, maybe he should start seeing a doctor. 

 

 

The next two weeks consisted mostly of Youngjae running between seminars, practice, the library and his job. It was Thursday. On the weekend he was finally moving. Youngjae terminated his dorm contract and already found a person, who would move in afterwards. Most of his stuff was already in boxes with the _(let's say)_ 'help' of Bambam and Yugyeom. Even though they tried to work most effectively, it ended in a huge mess, where Bambam and Yugyeom found old pictures of Youngjae. The next half hour was spent with two laughing boys and a sulking Youngjae.

 

One afternoon in these two weeks Youngjae met up with Jinyoung. Youngjae told Jinyoung about his performance project, which left Jinyoung more than excited. Furthermore he even volunteered to help Youngjae with the acting part of his project. He realized, he never asked Jinyoung about his acting. Tilting his head to the side and folding his hands in front of his mouth, Youngjae sweetly requested if Jinyoung could do a short act for him. After Jinyoung finished, Youngjae was even more thrilled to work with him.

 

Today though, he was supposed to meet up with Jaebum. As he entered the café, he directly saw a person waving him over. “Jaebum-ssi, you are early today,” Youngjae said with a smile. “I thought after last time, it would be the least I could do. Do you wanna grab something before we start?” Youngjae went to get himself a warm cacao with a lot of whipped cream. “Don't tell Jackson you drink your cacao with whipped cream.” Youngjae questioningly looked at Jaebum. “He thinks, it is the witches' brew.” Youngjae snorted. “What?” Jaebum shook his head. “He thinks, it will calcify your vessels. Green tea or nothing – that's his motto. In my opinion, he is just jealous because he can't drink or eat anything rich in calories without training a double amount the next day.” Youngjae thought about it. “But we ate pizza the other day.” Jaebum looked horrified. “That would be two hours extra.” Now Youngjae felt bad. “Don't worry,” the older grinned. “I'm just kidding.” The black haired boy felt relieved. “It's only one hour extra. But he eats shit all the time, so it doesn't matter anyway.” Youngjae never thought about the effort Jackson invested to get such a toned body. “I think Jackson-Hyung's body is really nice. Ehm..I mean really well trained.” Embarrassed, he tried to redirect the attention to his project.

 

They worked on it for an hour, when Jaebum asked him if he had any acting support. Youngjae told him about his friend, who, he supposed, was really good. The older boy didn't look convinced. “You should pick with whom you are most comfortable with, but I just wanted to tell you if at some point you want the best, I could arrange a meeting.” Youngjae thanked him, but told that he would prefer to do it with his friend.

 

During the whole two weeks he didn't meet Mark and Jackson once, which led to a lot of texting in the first week and a lot of facetiming in the second. Jackson was certain, both of his thumps were cramping _(an obvious lie, even Youngjae realized that, okay maybe only after Bambam told him)_ and he couldn't text anymore, so there was no choice but to facetime. One day Youngjae had a rough situation with another student. He asked one of his professors for extra work, earning him several snappy side comments throughout the day. When Jackson called him in the evening _(Mark was still working)_ , Youngjae only laughed halfheartedly at Jackson's jokes, so the older soon realized something was wrong. He made Youngjae spill every little detail about what happened. Youngjae didn't cry, but he just felt so exhausted. Jackson sang him a Chinese lullaby, until the rough voice put him into a dreamless and well deserved sleep.

 

Friday. One day left until he could finally feel a little freer. When he looked at his phone, a smile appeared on his face. His roommate called it the creep smile.

 

_[Flight buddies]_

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Youngjae, when should we be there tomorrow?

 

Mark and Jackson helped him move. He told them he would just move the boxes via bus or rent a car. Thinking about it now, he should definitely stop telling them everything, otherwise they would always feel forced to help.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** And did you eat this morning?

 

**Youngjae:** Good morning Mark-Hyung and Jackson-Hyung.^^ @Jackson-Hyung, yeah I ate a granola bar. @Mark-Hyung how does 10 sound?

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Works with us. See you tomorrow, Youngjae-ah.

 

**Youngjae:** Thank you so much for helping me.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** No worries, otter.

 

**Youngjae:** >.<

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** :D

 

On Saturday morning Jackson, Mark and Youngjae ran up and down to put all the boxes into Mark's car. Youngjae shook hands with his roommate as a goodbye and then sat down in the back of Mark's BMW. As they arrived at the apartment, Bambam and Yugyeom were already outside, excitedly bouncing up and down. They carried the boxes into Youngjae's room. That's it, he thought. It would mark a new path of his own life. Maybe the decision seemed harmless for other people, for Youngjae though, it was huge. He didn't regret it one second. It just felt right.

 

Jackson looked around. “Jae-ah, do you have any furniture?” Youngjae hummed affirmatively. “I ordered some things last week. But for the bed, I wanted to go and look today. I don't think I want to order a mattress without trying it.” Bambam giggled and wiggled his eyebrows. It earned him a slap from Youngjae. “Not like this, you idiot.” Mark ignored the childish laughter from the two youngest. “When did you want to go?” “Today.” Mark nodded. “Okay, and how do you get there?” Sometimes the mouth is faster, then the brain. “I'll just take the bus. It's only thirty minutes away anyway.” Jackson and Mark shared a look. “No,” Youngjae exclaimed. “Youngjae-ah, you should know us better by now. Let's go. We don't get any younger.” Jackson swung his arm around Youngjae leading him outside. “What if you were Benjamin Button?” Mark asked. “Psst Mark,” Jackson put a finger on his lips. ”Youngjae doesn't know the movie, right Youngjae?” Youngjae, who was still beating himself up about his _(really, really stupid)_ gab, just looked up and shook his head. 

 

The drive to the furniture store went by fast. They went inside and immediately passed through the store until they ended at the bed section. “What kind of bed are you looking for Youngjae?” Mark asked. “I don't know, one I can afford.” Jackson frowned. “This is not how you make choices. It will be with you for a long time.” Mark lifted a hand. “Jackson, it's Youngjae's choice. Youngjae,” he turned back to him, “what price range did you think about?” Youngjae wandered between the different models and look at the prices. “Apparently box spring beds are struck off the roll.” Mark and Jackson nodded and followed him. “I heard they aren't that good anyway. Since they already have a slat frame included. The comfort is not as great as a normal, let's say, double bed.” 

 

They talked shop a little at every stop they made. Slowly Youngjae was feeling impatient. No model was what he wanted. Until he heard his name being called. He found Mark a little further ahead of him. As he closed the gap, Mark asked: “Doesn't this one seem nice?” The oldest sat down onto the bed. “Wow,” he giggled, “the mattress is super nice as well.” Jackson joined them again, and with a loud 'uff' he led himself fall onto the mattress. “You are right, Mark. It is super comfy.” Youngjae looked at the price. 350.000 ₩ including the mattress. The bed was stunning itself, deep black painted wood with a continues headboard. It even had stowage, where he could easily fit his winter bed. He liked it. A lot. “Don't make the decision without trying the real deal? Come on!” was all Jackson said, before he pulled him down on the mattress in between Mark and himself. 

 

They lay there for a few minutes. Youngjae in the middle with Mark to his right and Jackson to his left. “Doesn't it feel good?” Mark questioned him. “Yeah,” he answered. It felt good, not specifying if he meant the mattress or the feeling of him between Jackson and Mark. The mattress was nice and all, but being securely put between his Hyungs, Youngjae swore, he never felt this marvelous in his life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making you wait so long. :/ Hopefully no one lost interest in the story. I just had to deal with a lot of shit this week and yeah mid terms too. :D they went fine, but the people. Sometimes I think I'm surrounded by 12 year olds instead of young adults in their 20s, but hey. 
> 
> Anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH for liking and commenting. Your support makes my day. <3 I made this chapter just a little longer than the last one. Hope that is fine with you all. And I promise next chapter it is gonna get a little sweeter. This story just happened to go longer, than I actually planned it. My head does what it wants. 
> 
> Btw, I just did a little research on the study of music, so pardon my amateur soul. 
> 
> Just to warn y'all, I won't be uploading for the next two weeks. I have an important exam coming up. So wish me luck ^^  
> I hope all of you enjoy this chapter and have a great week! <3


	4. Chapter 4

_[Flight Buddies]_

 

[Youngjae send a picture.]

 

**Youngjae:** They delivered the furniture today. The times of sleeping on the couch are over. ~

 

 

After Youngjae decided for the bed, they continued looking for a desk, which fit his new room. Both of these things arrived today. Since the flat still missed a lot of everyday items, Youngjae would do them the honors of buying tools. A screwdriver was very much needed to build up the new furniture. A cute, artificial voice was heard, signaling Youngjae he received a new message.

 

_[Flight Buddies]_

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Don't tell me you have been sleeping on the couch for two whole weeks?

 

**Youngjae:** I didn't!

 

At first Youngjae slept in Bambam's room. But he couldn't adjust to another person being present and kept rolling from side to side until he fell asleep in the early morning. Besides...

 

**Youngjae:** Bambam snores so badly. It's like he is trying to cut down the whole rain forest. ^^'

 

**Mark-Hyung:** :D. Why didn't you say that? We told you, we have a guest room. You could have just used that.

 

**Youngjae:** Hyung, I know, thank you. But it was just easier this way. All my stuff is here and I didn't want to impose on both of you for two entire weeks.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Don't ever think you are trouble for us, Youngjae-ah. We love having you around.

 

Youngjae felt a shiver run down his spine, when he read the message. He decided to change the topic.

 

**Youngjae:** Btw, what are you two doing tonight? Bambam got his Wii delivered, I can kick your ass at Mario Kart.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Youngjae, Youngjae, did you forget I work in the gaming industry? Jackson will be out until tonight. He has three new clients and wanted to do the assessments before Monday.

 

**Youngjae:** oh :( poor him. Anyway, if you want you can come over around 8 or 9 whatever suits you. :)

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Are the kids also present?

 

**Youngjae:** haha. Probably.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Oh my goodness. Well, I just really want to see you, so I think I have to bear with them. I need to go now, Youngjae, see you tonight!

_'I just really want to see you.'_ The sentence kept repeating itself over and over inside his head. He would lie if he said he wasn't excited for the meeting tonight.

 

A knock on his door snapped him out of his thoughts. Bambam opened the door. “When you go shopping for the tools, can you go grocery shopping as well?” Youngjae just nodded his head and started to get himself ready. He also needed new bed sheets, if he didn't want to use his old childish ones. It was still 10 in the morning, so he had enough time to look thoroughly and even work on his assignments for the week before his Hyungs arrived.

 

He grabbed the carryout bags, which were still placed on the kitchen counter and shouted a 'goodbye' when he left. With a hum on his lips Youngjae walked towards the next metro station. The location of his new place was almost perfect. A metro station only a few minutes by foot, a 24h store opposite their flat, a make-up store directly next to the 24h store _(well, he guessed this was more important for Bambam)_ and the university within reach. A strong wind brushed harshly over his face causing him to shiver. He readjusted his scarf and pulled it over his mouth. It was only in the middle of November, but the temperature was no joke. The news channels predicted snow for the upcoming week. And even though he loved the whole commotion over Christmas, he was not a fan of snow. 

 

On the bright sight, he thought, next week he'd probably not see a single snowflake. In one and a half weeks his midterms would start and even though Youngjae tried to be prepared in advance for every lesson, he missed out on some points and still needed to revise everything. So this was his last weekend to enjoy the freedom.

 

When he entered the platform, his line was already present and he barely managed to catch it in time. As he sat down, he pulled out his headphones and plugged them in. Light R'n'B sounds let him drift away. After a few minutes the electronic voice announced his station and the flow of people swept him along. He specifically looked up where he could get tools, since he had never even payed attention where they might be sold at.

 

Youngjae made his way through the crowd, trying to avoid any direct contact with people but still walking at a fast pace. Switching between looking straight ahead and down on his phone, where his map app set the way for him. Even though he was good at a lot of things, sense of direction was not one of his assets. Two minutes left. He turned around a corner and luckily the big letters of the building supply store were resplendent in a shiny blue. The phone slid back into the pocket of his jacket. Youngjae exhaled a little forcefully. Okay, finding tools shouldn't be this hard.

 

Oh how wrong he was. Once he entered the store he was surrounded by an abundance of any kind of supplies. For your bathroom, bedroom, living room and more. But the normal screwdrivers were probably in the front and could be spotted easily. After 20 minutes inside the store, Youngjae was lost somewhere in the lamp section. Seriously, who needed this much variety? Just as he was about to give up, he saw someone passing by with the vest, the same blue as the whole store was decorated in. A clerk.

 

“Excuse me?” The clerk stopped and turned around. “Youngjae-ah?” The familiar face lit up as he saw who wanted his help. “Jinyoungie?” Youngjae raised his eyebrows. “You work here?” Jinyoung came closer and pulled Youngjae into a friendly hug. “Yeah, what do you want in a building center? Did something break in your apartment? Were those roommates too rowdy again, fighting?” Youngjae laughed. “Please, the only fight those two have is a pillow fight. Bambam might thinks his face would get damaged. Nah, I'm looking for tools. My bed arrived today and I still need to assemble it. We have nothing at home to help me with that except my bare hands, so I thought I should get some stuff.” Jinyoung looked at him in an amused way. “And what are you doing in the lamp section then? Need a lamp as well.” Youngjae huffed a little embarrassed, his hand came up to play with the hair in his neck. “Let's say, I was so overwhelmed and wanted to see everything.” Jinyoung looked at him suspiciously. “Did you get lost?”   
  
“I want to say no, but unfortunately I don't like to lie.” Jinyoung started laughing so hard, tears formed in the corner's of his eyes. “You're just too cute. Come on, I will lead the way.” He took Youngjae's hand and walked to the right corner of the shop. “Okay, here we go. Have a blast!” Just as Jinyoung wanted to go back to work, he stopped and turned around back to face Youngjae. “Youngjae-ah, what are you doing afterwards?” Youngjae who was already looking for the right kind of hammer gazed at him. “I wanted to get new bedsheets and I need to go grocery shopping.” “Would you mind if I keep you company?” Youngjae was a little astonished, not that he minded. “Sure, I'd like that. But don't you have to work?” Jinyoung chuckled. “Don't worry about that. Just wait for me as soon as you are ready, okay?” Youngjae nodded and Jinyoung made his way back to the inside of the shop. 

 

Youngjae took his time and inspected the items fully. In the end he chose three different screwdrivers, different nails and screws as well as a hammer made of steel. He went to the cashier and payed for all. The freshly purchased objects were put into his gray backpack. As he lifted his head, he saw that Jinyoung already stood outside, waving him over.

“So, now tell me the trick to get off work so easily.” Youngjae grinned at Jinyoung. “Well,” Jinyoung started while he threw an arm over Youngjae's shoulder's. “You just have to be the son of the owner, I guess.” That made sense. “And you go and abuse that, tse tse, Jinyoungie, don't you care about the other workers?”

 

“Let's say my two sisters work today and our regular staff is there as well. I don't think I was much needed anyway.” Giggling they made their way to a department store. Jinyoung told Youngjae more about himself. That he grew up as the heir of the chain of building centers. How his dad ignored him for almost a year, when he told his family he wanted to pursue a career as an actor. His mom was his biggest supporter since minute one though and made his dad come around slowly. When Jinyoung got a really big role in his high school winter performance, his mom made sure his dad would come and watch. Jinyoung was almost in tears, when he saw his dad standing and clapping at the end of the show. Everything changed afterwards. Luckily his oldest sister had a knack for business and started to work fulltime along his dad after her economics degree.

Youngjae felt bad. His family always had his back as long as he was happy.

  
“Didn't you feel like quitting?” Youngjae asked. “Believe me, I thought about giving up twice a day, but in the end this makes me happy. And everybody should only do what makes them feel full of joy, it doesn't matter what other people think, even when they are family,” Youngjae thought about it, Jinyoung was right, but Youngjae didn't think he would be able to do it, if anybody of his family turned his back on him for a year. Never knowing if they'd change their minds.

 

“Well all went well, until I came out to them. But my boyfriend worked wonders and they accepted the fact.” Youngjae stopped dead in his tracks, quickly turning his head to look at Jinyoung. “You're gay?” Jinyoung's face fell and he withdrew his arm from Youngjae's shoulders. “Do you mind?” Jinyoung's voice became defensive. Youngjae grabbed his hand. “Of course not, don't be silly. It's just..”, he tried to find the right word. “A little cliché?” Jinyoung helped him out, putting his arm back where it was before. “Yeah a little.” Youngjae's nose scrunched up sweetly as he laughed.

 

The bedsheets could be found on the 3 rd floor of the department store. They took an elevator upstairs. “So for whom do you need new bedsheets?” Jinyoung smirked at him. Youngjae's thoughts drifted off to Mark and Jackson and he couldn't pinpoint why. His mind did what it wanted. He turned his head away from Jinyoung, so he couldn't see the red creeping up Youngjae's ears and cheeks. “For no one. Can't I just buy sheets for myself?” A quiet, approving hum was heard. If Jinyoung didn't believe him, he didn't say so. A ping signaled them the destination was reached. “So, what color do you want and what size do you need?” Luckily Youngjae could answer both questions, high fiving himself in his mind for looking at the size of the blanket. Otherwise this would have been really awkward. Since most of his furniture was dark, he wanted to get light, welcoming bedsheets. A light beige would be best. Jinyoung followed his wishes and together they found two sets of sheets, he would take home. “I guess I will be broke for a while,” he whined. The furniture and all the supplies would burn a big hole into his bank account. Maybe he should work some extra shifts or the dream of his E-piano had to go. Oh well. 

 

The next stop was the supermarket. Youngjae and Jinyoung had to take the metro, luckily halfway towards Youngjae's apartment. Yugyeom texted him the list of what they needed. It was Youngjae's turn to cook anyway. Would Mark and Jackson eat with them as well? Suddenly he felt a little pressured. His cooking skills were okay he guessed, but far from his parent's level. And Jackson couldn't eat anything spicy, which limited his options. “Jinyoungie, what is a good dish for many people and not too spicy?” Jinyoung put a hand under his chin, rubbing it lightly as he thought about it. “You could to an improvised hot pot.You can still spice it up in your own bowl, if you feel like it.” Youngjae patted Jinyoung's head. “You're a genius.”

 

They made their way through the supermarket, slowly filling it with all kind of foods and snacks. After Youngjae payed Jinyoung offered him to help carry his bags home. Even though Youngjae tried to decline it was no use as Jinyoung just snatched half of his bags. At the metro station Youngjae tried to assure Jinyoung again that he would be fine on his own, earning him a glare. “Don't you want me to accompany you?” Jinyoung pouted. “I don't wan to burden you, that's all,” Youngjae sighed. Jinyoung shook his head disbelievingly. “By the way, when do you have time to work on the piece for your performance class again?” Jinyoung asked. “I have a new idea.” Even though Youngjae was delighted to hear his friend take his help so seriously, the black haired boy had to put his project on ice as long as midterms would bother him. He told Jinyoung so who understood completely. “I wanted to tell you this, tough. You know I have an adviser for the project?” Jinyoung nodded. “He told me to switch my helper with what he called 'the best'.” Jinyoung puffed up his cheeks. “Well, just to assure you. I am the best. What does you adviser know? Sounds like a douche.” Youngjae snickered about Jinyoung getting so worked up about everything.

 

“Don't worry, I turned down his offer. Said I felt comfortable and well accepted with the person who helps me right now.” Jinyoung looked content as he heard the compliment. They reached his station and started to walk towards Youngjae's new home. As they arrived Youngjae invited Jinyoung to stay. The musical major accepted gladly. After they put the tools and sheets into Youngjae's room, they started to prepare dinner since Youngjae still wanted to work a little bit on his assignments after. While Jinyoung washed the vegetables, he made it his goal to distract Youngjae from his task of preparing the meat by splashing water at him in regular intervals. Youngjae wiped the droplets from his neck and turned around. “Hey, what do you think you are doing?” Instead of an answer, water hit his eyes. “You wait!” Youngjae screamed, before he ran to the sink, plunging his hands into the water and pressing them fully into Jinyoung's face. A muffled squeak was heard followed by a fit of laughter. “Dat meanz waa-!” A water fight broke out in the kitchen accompanied by hard giggling and shouting.

 

“What the hell is going on here?”

Bambam looked at them with a bewildered expression. Jinyoung, who had Youngjae in a headlock trying to pull him under the water tap, froze immediately. Youngjae broke free and faced Bambam. ”Bambam, this is Jinyoung, my friend helping with my project.” Jinyoung waved at Bambam. “Jinyoungie, this is Bambam the owner of the precious apartment, we are just ruining.” Youngjae started to wipe up the water off the ground. Bambam was rather amused right now. “Youngjae, you know I'm pretty disappointed-” “I know, I know, we should show more responsibility for your apartment,” interrupting Bambam's attempt to scold him. “Yeah, whatever. I'm rather sad you started a water party without me.” Bambam went around the kitchen island, let his hands form an imitation of a bowl and filled it with water. Before Youngjae could do anything, he was dripping from head to toe as Jinyoung and Bambam teamed up against him.

 

“Stop, stop I give up!” He nearly shouted laughingly as he let himself crash on the floor. Jinyoung and Bambam soon joined him. For a while giggling and panting were the only sounds echoing through the flat.

 

“Youngjae?” Bambam asked a little out of breath. “Hmm?” “Didn't you want to work on your assignments?” Youngjae groaned. _Right._ He needed to outline his essays and look for sources today. He didn't mind the writing at all, but the preparation really sucked. With all of them working together, the kitchen was quickly back to its old self. The meat was resting in a brine, half in a sweet and mild one, the other in a spicy kind. The vegetables were already cut and placed in boxes, the rest could be done later. Even though Youngjae asked Jinyoung thrice to stay and spend the evening, he refused. Apparently he hasn't seen his boyfriend in a while and what they had planned wasn't for other people's eyes. As he understood the innuendo, his eyes widened and he felt the usual red vehemently running over his cheeks and neck. “Wish me fun,” was all Jinyoung said, pulling Youngjae into a short hug and after that he was gone. 

 

Youngjae went to his room. His eyes fell on the bedsheets. With the proximity of the conversation with Jinyoung in his mind, he couldn't do anything against it but associate the sheets with somewhat intimate, almost naughty thoughts.  _Mark and Jackson._ Why did he think about them in such a context? Most certainly because they were the only other gay couple he knew. That must be it. If Youngjae was totally honest though, sometimes, when he let his ideas wander too far, he thought about his Hyung's sex life and how they shared it. Obviously only from a normal friend's curiosity point of view. 

 

Trying to focus on the text in front of him felt harder than ever but after a while and with a lot of will power, he blended out every other thought. Only the ring of the door bell snapped him out of his bubble.  8:00 p.m. Fuck, he didn't look at his phone, nor did he keep track of the time. 

“Bambam,” he yelled, “can you get the door?” Shuffling was heard, quickly followed by the opening of said door. Youngjae looked at himself and cursed. Well, his hair was a mess due to the water battle before, there was no saving. But he could at least switch his clothes. The sweats turned into comfortable denims and the worn out shirt was replaced by an oversized hoodie. Youngjae saved his files and turned off the laptop. Yugyeom was already in the kitchen taking out the food. Bambam came into the room followed by two persons. “Jae-ah, were you working again and didn't look at your phone?” Youngjae grinned sheepishly. “Maybe.” Strong arms engulfed him and pulled him flash against the toned body. As Jackson let him go, Mark went to his side and put an arm around his waist leading him into the kitchen. “We have a little something for you,” Mark said mysteriously. Sceptically he looked between Mark and Jackson. “Didn't I tell you to stop.” Mark's high pitched laugh sounded sweet as always. Youngjae had missed it, since he didn't hear it in a while.

 

Before he could say anything more a big, soft, gray stuffed animal was placed in his hands. “An otter for the otter. Even though you are a little cuter than him.” Jackson grinned at him and before the other could jump away, the otter was slapped against Jackson's side. Pretended indignation ran over Jackson's face. “How dare you treat our present like this?” Youngjae giggled. Although he wasn't quite sure about the otter nickname, there was no way he could pretend to hate the present. It was genuinely sweet. Clutching the otter to his chest, Youngjae turned to Mark. “Thank you,” he said and squeezed Mark's hand to underline his gratitude. Mark just smiled at him in return.

Jackson on the other hand got a full hug with the otter in between Jackson and Youngjae.

 

“I don't know, if the evening will get any better than this.” Yugyeom's voice brought Youngjae back down to earth. He forgot about his roommates being present. Right away he pulled off of Jackson and went to put the otter in his room. The music major didn't hear the soft padding noises following him. Only when Jackson made a noise of disapproval, did Youngjae realize his Hyungs standing in the room looking at the still boxed bed. “Jae-ah, why didn't you let the employees assemble your bed?” Jackson went to the packages to inspect the content. “It would have cost 70.000 won more and seriously, I need to save money where I can, if I want to buy the E-piano soon. I will just do it later.” Youngjae folded his arms in front of his chest, feeling cornered. “With those tiny arms? Don't be silly, you will only hurt yourself. Let me do it.“ Youngjae went to Jackson's side. “No, you don't have to. I will just do it later.” Jackson just waved his hand to assure that it was fine. “Then at least, let me help.” Jackson grabbed Youngjae's neck and caressed it. “Of course. The more, the merrier.”

 

All three of them went to unpack the wood from its wrapping. Youngjae was still feeling a little grumpy, but Mark assured him, that Jackson really liked to put stuff together. “He says, it's like reality tetris.” That broke the awkward atmosphere as Youngjae threw his head back and laughed warmly. While Jackson and Mark started to discuss about the information given and the possibilities of construction, Youngjae went into the kitchen to give Yugyeom and Bambam instructions to prepare the food. Most of the work was done anyway and Youngjae was sure Jackson and Mark had to be hungry, since they both had been working all day.

 

Although Youngjae was opposed to admit it, it was nice to be cared for so intensely. As he went back into the room, the bed was already half finished. Mark and Jackson working hand in hand without further discussion. “Babe, can you give me the smallest screws?”Jackson asked. Mark obliged and gave the screws to Jackson. Just as he was about to turn back, Mark caught his chin between his fingers and drew him in for a kiss. Jackson sighed into the kiss sweetly and a shiver ran down Youngjae's whole body. He was frozen in place. When they broke the kiss, Jackson dived right back in for a second one. Youngjae wished he could also see Mark's face, he wanted to see them both. Startled by his own thoughts, he made one step back, then another, until he was out of his room again.

 

“Youngjae?” Bambam asked with concern in his voice. That seemed to snap Youngjae out of his daze. “I think I forgot to buy something. I will be back soon.” He hurried towards the door, grabbed his wallet from the kitchen counter and his coat from the wardrobe. Then he almost stormed out of the door and only slowed down after a few hundred meters. The way to the convenience store was really short, but it helped to clear his mind. It was obvious Jackson was attractive and Mark was really beautiful, he'd admit that. But the rest of his thoughts only confused him. He was scared. What if the elder men noticed his weird behavior. Certainly, he didn't want to inconvenience them.

 

With a bag full of sodas and sweets, Youngjae returned to the flat. As soon as he opened the door, Jackson almost jumped into his arms. “Youngjae, come on. Come on.” He was pulled along, quickly handing the bag over to Bambam, who looked rather entertained. Jackson stopped right in front of Youngjae's door. “Ready?” He asked a little out of breath. Youngjae couldn't even answer, before the door was opened and his bed including the bedding wrapped into his new sheets was revealed. On top of it sat the otter gift from Mark and Jackson. _Cute._ “Hyung, I was gone like for five minutes. It looks so nice!” Mark stood next to Jackson and Youngjae pulled both of them into a 3-way-hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled against Jackson's clothed shoulder. “What would I do without you both?” Youngjae went on. “Still sleep on the couch?” Mark suggested while caressing Youngjae's hair. The body under Jackson's fingers began to shake, right before Youngjae's characteristic laugh was heard.

 

The rest of the evening proceeded smoothly since Youngjae forbade his mind to drift away in any sense. Not when Jackson and Mark complimented him for his cooking, not when Youngjae and Mark made fun of Jackson because he really sucked at Mario Kart and certainly not when Jackson gave up on the game and put his head into Youngjae's lap to take a nap.

 

“Ah, Youngjae, when are you gonna get your computer?” Bambam asked while pressing wild combinations on the controller. They switched to Super Smash Bros. Youngjae kicked Bambam's character from the platform they were fighting on. “Dick.” Youngjae giggled. He won.

 

“I will probably go after my midterms. I still have stuff at home I wanna get as well. The dorm space was not big enough to bring a lot of personal belongings.” Youngjae absentmindedly combed his hand through Jackson's hair. “How will you transport it though?” Bambam grabbed the chips and put a hand full in his mouth. “I will just rent a car, I guess,” Youngjae answered.

 

He felt Mark glance at him and turned his face to meet his gaze. “Jae-ah, what are you doing tomorrow?” Mark had a questioning look on his face. “Working a little on my papers and enjoying the last free time I have. Why?” Mark hummed, not elaborating his thoughts. They played four more rounds, when Yugyeom and Bambam declared they were tired and would go to bed. Youngjae

was left alone with his Hyungs, not that he minded. Even though he loved Bambam and Yugyeom's noisiness and rowdiness, he preferred the calm wish washed over him, when he was with Mark. Jackson could also be loud, but it always harmonized with Mark's quiet human being. “So,” he caught Mark's attention _(not like he didn't already have it),_ “why did you ask what I was doing tomorrow?” Mark shuffled closer to Youngjae, swinging an arm around him and dropping his head on his shoulder. Jackson on his lap and Mark on his shoulder, Youngjae chuckled. “Am I a pillow?” Mark nodded. “The best.” Silence fell over the room for a while. Youngjae almost suspected the two brown haired men to be asleep. “Jae-ah?” Mark's deep voice vibrated through his bones. “How about we go on short road trip? Tomorrow morning. You, Jackson and I. We grab the car and pull down to Mokpo. We'd love to see where you are coming from. See if the sun in Mokpo is still there, since you are always radiating like you stole it.” A slap was placed on Mark's thigh. “Are you making fun of me?” The black haired boy asked while pouting. “I'd never do that.” The intense black orbs eying him without any wit in them. Youngjae liked it, at the same time he hated how it made him feel. “Fine, fine. But the way is probably about 4 hours, if we start early in the morning, we should get through without any traffic. And just to be clear, that is the last time. Mark, look at me. The last time you do anything for me! I seriously can't pay you back.” Youngjae's voice got louder. The elder only waved him off. “Youngjae-ah, we are friends. You do something for your friends without expecting anything in return.”

 

“But it's all about the balance, Hyung,” the younger fired.

 

“ You cooked such a delicious meal for us, even taking Jackson into account.”

 

“You build my freaking bed.”

 

“You went and bought sodas.”

 

It was hopeless. “Do you hear yourself talking? It's like you would give me a car for my birthday, and I would gift you a self drawn picture.”

 

“I'd love that picture.”

 

“You're insane. Both of you.”

 

Mark and Youngjae called it a night, and since they wanted to meet up at six again in the morning, they should probably get to bed as soon as possible. “Hyung, why don't you and Jackson stay in my room? This way you don't have to pick me up tomorrow morning. We can make a short stop at your place tomorrow morning if you want to,” Youngjae offered. “That's really nice, but if Jackson doesn't sleep on our mattress, I will be the one listening to Jackson's constant nagging about sore muscles in his back,” Mark told, as he bowed down to place a kiss on Jackson's ear conch. “Babe, come on wake up!” The words let Jackson stir awake. He turned to face Youngjae's belly, pushing his face right into it. It made Youngjae feel tingly. “Youngjae is too comfy, can we take him?” A grin spread on Mark's face. “You will see him again tomorrow morning, now come on.”

 

After further ten minutes, Jackson sat up and let go of Youngjae reluctantly. Dimly he stood up, with a last squeeze of Youngjae's thigh. This was new. Youngjae has seen a lot of different moods on Jackson, gloominess was none of them. His boyfriend seemed more than annoyed by the sudden change of temperature in the room. _Oh, oh._ On no account did the youngest want to be a bystander of a full blown argument between these two people. In general, Youngjae was no friend of fights and always tried to appease everyone around him.

 

Harsh Chinese words were exchanged, where Youngjae wondered if they always fought in Mandarin or they didn't want Youngjae to witness everything they said. It got softer after a few more phrases, leaving them with frustrated expressions. Never in his life did Youngjae feel so weak and useless. He dumped all his problems on these two in front of him, without realizing their pain and difficulties. Jackson just told him a small goodbye, while ruffling his hair. Then he went to put on his coat and shoes. Mark on the other hand looked rather apologetic. “I'm sorry. It has been a long day. Do you need help to clean up?” Youngjae shook his head, they didn't need to apologize nor did they need to help him clean up, they were his guests.

 

Mark wound his arms around Youngjae. “Sleep tight in your new bed, Jae-ah. I will get you at six tomorrow morning.” Then they were gone and Youngjae was alone. Quietly he cleaned up the whole room until everything was back to normal. The leftovers were set in the fridge, the dishes were put into a draining rack to dry and the games were carefully placed in the cupboard under the TV. 12:30 a.m. He made his way to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, washed his face and put on a moisturizing snail crème.

 

As soon as he lied in bed, he felt the day wash over him. He only got to set an alarm clock and tuck the otter in his embrace, before he fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

 

When his alarmon app went off, Youngjae felt like 10 horses run him over during his sleep. Heavily he rolled around and slid out of cozy sheets. Five minutes before six, Youngjae went downstairs, leaving a note on the kitchen table for the 'kids'. His backpack in his one hand and a bag with food in the other, Youngjae waited for his Hyungs to pick him up. The least he could do, was to prepare a proper meal so Mark and Jackson didn't need to make a stop and eat at Mcdonalds at some rest stop. A few minutes after six Youngjae spotted the familiar black car, which stopped right in front of him. Before Youngjae could even act, Jackson jumped out the driver's seat, wrapping his arms around Youngjae. A little overstrained, he patted Jackson's back clumsily. _(in his defense, he only had 4 hours of sleep)_ “Hyung is sorry for yesterday, I felt a little frustrated and took it out on others,” Jackson rumbled. It was not that Jackson really took it out on Youngjae, he only ignored him a little. But Youngjae knew no one could be happy all the time, so he didn't mind at all. “No hard feelings, Hyung. Really, I just felt bad, you're always there for me and I can't be there for you,” Youngjae looked to the side, feeling a little shy. A hand came up to his cheek and redirected his gaze at Jackson. “Believe me, Jae. Your laugh literally makes half of my day.” Simple words like this and just Jackson's whole attention on made him feel all sorts of ways. All sorts of good. Luckily Mark opened his door and asked if they wanted to get going. Since Mark still wanted to sleep a little, he climbed into the backseats and immediately drifted off again. This left Youngjae no choice but to sit in the front _(not that he minded, like at all)._

 

After Youngjae told Jackson all the events he missed in the evening, they started to speak about mundane things. The younger got a little whiny, thinking about the week ahead of him, being full of nights in the library. “Don't worry, Youngjae. If you ever need a ride home, just call me.” Youngjae snorted. “I am 100% positive, I would never call you for just a stupid ride. I got two feet, I can walk. You need to sleep, Hyung. You look tired. I feel bad you drive me all the way down to Mokpo anyway,” Youngjae said worriedly. “Don't worry, Jae. I just had two really exhausting clients yesterday. Let's not talk about work. It's hectic anyway at the moment, a lot of changes. I will tell you more, when it settled down,” Jackson tried to give him an encouraging smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. It hurt Youngjae deep in his core. But he tried not to foster the worry, instead distract him a little. He asked what popped up in his mind first. “Can I ask you something?” Jackson nodded, motioning him to go on. “How did you know you were gay?” Jackson grinned. “So standard, I am almost disappointed.” Didn't matter to Youngjae, he wanted to know everything about Mark and Jackson. It felt like they would linger in his life for longer, so he needed to know. To Youngjae's surprise Jackson was bisexual and only dated women before dating Mark. Though he wasn't shocked or surprised when he developed feelings for a man. He have had his fair share of crushes on guys, but always longed for a little normalcy, as he felt out of place most of the time anyway and never acted on them. Nowadays he couldn't understand himself, since normality was just a product of the society and mostly subjective anyway. “It doesn't matter anyway. If it's not your sexuality, it's your face or body or whatever. People will always talk and never be satisfied. So when you try to appease other people all the time, you will lose yourself.”

 

Still, it's easier said than done, Youngjae thought. His mind was put on hold, this was about Jackson. “Wasn't Mark feeling unsure, since you only dated women?” Jackson looked almost a little guilty. “It still comes up sometimes. And I don't make it easy, since I'm still friends with all my exes.” Youngjae was stunned. “Really? Wow, I have never known a person, who can actually be friends with their exes. I feel a little sorry for Mark.” And sorry for himself, since he was hit by a nasty churning in his stomach – a stomach ache? He tried to concentrate on Jackson's story. According to Jackson, he was only friends with two of them. _(The number summarized the total amount of girls Youngjae had 'dated'.)_ Jackson wasn't really super close friends with them, just on the basis of sending snaps sometimes and asking how the other person is doing like thrice a year. One time though Mark and him fought so hard over that specific topic, the oldest moved to Jaebum's for a week. The week helped. Normally Mark was not even a super jealous person, so Jackson wondered what happened. He couldn't realize it until a friend texted him, if Mark and Jackson had broken up. Jackson was really scared Mark was done with him. Then his friend send him pictures of him dancing with his ex a little too close, even for his own taste. After that he realized alcohol was fun and all, but boundaries washed away easily, leaving people hurt. He still drank, however when his limit was reached he stopped. He also cut down his contact to his exes, since it hurt Mark, and he'd rather have Mark than anyone else. “I'm just not really good at cutting people out of my life,” he grinned sheepishly, rubbing his right eye.

 

Youngjae listened attentively, and realized towards the end, how Jackson's voice dropped and slurred a little. “Hyung, can you make a stop at that resting place in one kilometer?” Jackson pulled onto the parking space. Youngjae got out of the car, as soon as it stood still. He went over to the driver's side and pulled out a confused Jackson. “Hyung, do you think Mark-Hyung would mind if I drive his baby?” A knowing look spread over Jackson's face. “Here you go, sir,” Jackson handed him the keys. That was easier than he thought it'd be, Jackson had to be really tired. They got back into the car. Youngjae was just glad, the car was not a manual one, making it simpler to handle. “Hyung, please sleep a little,” he pulled the car back onto the highway, ”I inconvenience you enough already. Then you can sleep at least.” Jackson sent him a hard look, which he could perfectly ignore since he had to focus on the road. “Jae, I will tell you for the last time. You will never be an inconvenience, that's not discussable. Just accept it.” The words prickled on his skin, sending hot shivers through his body. After the small burst, Jackson went to sleep like Mark, who was still wandering through dreamland. It was a new sight for Youngjae to see his Hyungs in such a vulnerable form, wholeheartedly trusting him. He could certainly adapt to this, instead of feeling useless. With the silence around him, Youngjae thought about everything Jackson told him. He had deep respect for his Hyung and for Mark's and Jackson's relationship.

 

The rest of the way went without further stops. The appearance of the first seagulls reminded Youngjae how badly he missed home. It would be a waste to not spend the day here, but he could also understand if his Hyungs wanted to go back as soon as possible. 10 more minutes. Nervousness swept over him, Youngjae didn't bring new friends home in a while. _(not that he had any in the last 2 years)_ He wondered, if his family liked Mark and Jackson. It's not like they haven't heard stories about them before. Meeting the real persons though could always be different, and he knew his sister, she was nice and loyal but also very protective of him. After he told her the circumstances of his studies and the behavior of his fellow students, she was one step away from turning half of the country upside down. Even though at times it could be annoying to be the youngest, the intense love of his siblings always had its peaks.

 

The familiar sight of his family's house arose in front of him. Directly after parking without further ado did Jackson stir awake. “Hyung, we are here,” Youngjae said in a low voice, petting Jackson's thigh softly. “I will just get everything from inside, and we will be good to go again. You can just go back to sleep.”

 

“Don't be ridiculous. We want to meet your family,” said a drowsy Mark. Youngjae swore his voice was even lower than normally. All of them got out of the car, and the elder men followed Youngjae until his doorstep. Youngjae rang the bell. It was quiet at first, then he heard slow steps pacing towards the door. His mom opened. “Hi mom.” Youngjae's mother squealed before she pulled Youngjae into a tight hug. “My baby, I thought I won't see you before Christmas,” she placed kisses all over Youngjae's face. “What brings you here?” Then she seemed to notice Mark and Jackson. “Oh you didn't come alone?” Jackson and Mark bowed their heads. “It's a pleasure to meet you, Choi-ssi.” Youngjae's mother looked pleased. “Let me guess, you are Jackson and Mark.” The men nodded. “Ah, I have heard a lot about you. But Youngjae, you didn't tell me, how handsome they are and you didn't give me a warning. Look at your mother.” Mrs. Choi pulled on her trousers to underline her argument. “You look lovely, Choi-ssi,” Jackson interfered her rumbling and Mark nodded. “We can definitely see, where Youngjae got his looks from.” She looked a little surprised, but pleased as well. “You can definitely bring those two more often.” She laughed and invited them inside.

 

“Where is the rest?” Youngjae asked curiously. His mother told him, his sister was on a trip with her husband and his brother had to go off for work. “And dad?” His dad was already preparing the restaurant, since they had a huge group coming in the evening. The look on his Hyung's faces went a little aghast at the word exchange of his mother and him. “Your parents have a restaurant? And you didn't tell us? No wonder, your cooking skills are on another level,” Jackson wondered out loud. Youngjae felt a little shy. He was a private person, he loved to ask and get to know other people, but he felt unsure to tell about himself. “If you'd like, we can eat at our place later.” They'd definitely take Youngjae up on that offer, if it wasn't too much trouble. _Of course not._

 

Youngjae's mother linked her arms with Jackson on the one side and Mark on the other and led them into the kitchen, engaging both of them into a conversation trying to get as much out of them as possible. Only after a short while Youngjae could tell, his mother wanted to adopt both of them.

Jackson being awfully charming and Mark polite and courteous. It was not like he couldn't understand, it had the same effect on him as well. “Youngjae why don't you show Mark and Jackson around the city?” his mother asked, while she poured Jackson and Mark another set of tea. The attention was on him now. It's not like he didn't want to show them everything, but he didn't want to annoy them further than he already did. There was no way he could raise his voice to tell his worries. Otherwise Jackson would probably quarter him. Sighing he narrated all the places they could go to. “Jae, we don't have to go, if you don't want to,” Mark said to him in a hushed voice. Did it seem like he had an aversion against it? “No,” he answered hurriedly, “just the usual Hyung. You're already here and all.” Even though he tried to avoid pointing out the obvious, Jackson seemed to realize what he was about to say. “Let's go to the beach!” the black haired boy said, voice almost overturning itself.

 

His mother gave them blankets and wanted to pack food as well, but Youngjae told her, he already prepared food. Only after all of them sat in the car again, Mark now in the driver seat and Youngjae in the back, did Jackson look at the black haired boy questioningly. But there was no way Youngjae wanted to be lectured again, so he just ignored the gaze and navigated Mark to the beach.

 

The morning sun tried to spend a little of warmth, but the wind blew roughly, letting the waves crash against stone. Even though it was cold, Youngjae couldn't count the times, he went to the beach to think. Every big decision was made here. Sharing his cake with Siwon, a bullied kid in his class, who was still his best friend in Mokpo after 12 years; giving his first kiss to Jieun after 1 month of relationship, moving to Seoul and staying there despite the hardships he faced for years. There was this one spot Youngjae adored. It lay a little behind a ledge, out of sight from prying eyes. _(Not that there was anyone at the beach)_ He went ahead, closely followed by his Hyungs. 

 

After some time, he stopped and spread out one blanket, motioning Mark and Jackson to sit and wrapped the other two blankets around them. “Jae, where is yours?” Mark asked with a concerned voice, when he sat down opening the food basket. “Well, we sit on it.” Just as he answered, Mark opened his blanket and pulled Youngjae close and build a soft, warm cocoon for both of them. Youngjae's pulse fastened, he just hoped Mark would not notice. He sensed Jackson starring at him again. “I know what you want to say, Hyung. I'm sorry.” Jackson looked frustrated, and just like the night before he said something harsh in Chinese. The body next to Youngjae stiffened and the grip around his waist tightened. Mark answered just as coldly, leaving an icy atmosphere around them, even without the wind's help. 

 

Youngjae felt left out. Obviously there was something bothering the elder men, and he couldn't shake the feeling, he was at least at some fault for the whole affair. When he coyly expressed his question, the heaviness around them vanished. Suddenly he was pulled over and huddled between them, leaving him feel snug as both Hyungs wrapped an arm around his waist. “Please remember this Youngjae-ah, you mean so much to us, this is never your fault. We will tell you soon what's bothering us, give us a little more time, okay?” Although Youngjae gave a sign that he understood, the words left more empty questions than before, right now though he only wanted to enjoy the warmth around hi ~~m.~~

 

 

Youngjae didn't even notice he fell asleep until someone shook him awake. “Jae, it's cold. Let's get you warmed up.” They went back to the car, with an empty basket. ( _where did they even leave all the food, Youngjae was more than envious)_ And just as promised, Youngjae directed them to his parents restaurant. When they entered, Youngjae's mom spotted them immediately and gave them a table near the window with a view on the sea. As Youngjae's father came to welcome his son sincerely, Jackson and Mark introduced themselves. Before he could even blink an eye, his father ordered soju for the table and drank a few shots with Jackson and Youngjae, Mark still had to drive. Soon his dad laughed wholeheartedly at Jackson's jokes, inviting them to come visit again, before he went back to work. The mood was light now and Youngjae almost couldn't even remember the encounter only a few hours ago. 

 

He told Mark and Jackson about his adventure of buying tools and about his luck to meet his friend, who worked there. Mark asked, why his friend wasn't present for the game night. “Jinyoungie? I asked, but he had plans with his boyfriend.” Youngjae answered without realizing the change of mood, when he told Jinyoung had a boyfriend. He didn't have the chance though, as his mother brought the food. When he saw the spicy raw crab, his mouth started to water. There was no food like the food you eat at home. After they dug in, Jackson paused. “Wait, your friend's name is Jinyoung?” “Yes.” “As in Park Jinyoung, 3 rd year, musical and theater major?” Jackson specified, while he dunk his rice into the eel soup. Youngjae frowned, who did that? “Yes, Park Jinyoung. Why?” Youngjae really got inquisitive. Suddenly Jackson started to laugh out really loud. “Babe, can you believe, what a coincidence!” He smacked Mark's thigh, who seemed just as amused. Youngjae's sight apparently only fueled the laughter. “Sorry, Jae. Jinyoungie is Jaebum's boyfriend.” It finally sunk in. “Jaebum-ssi's boyfriend? Jaebum, my adviser?” Mark affirmed it. How small the world was. Youngjae went on to tell them about the day, the cooking, the water fight, the sheets, but he definitely left out his inappropriate thoughts about them, making effort to just forget it in general. 

 

After they finished the meal, Jackson pulled out his wallet, which only earned him a glare from Youngjae. “Hyung, don't you dare. You're invited of course.” Even with Youngjae's reassurance, Jackson still asked his parents what he should pay, earning him an other glare from Youngjae's mom. “Don't be silly. You take so good care of my baby. You are always welcomed here.” Mark and Jackson thanked his parents again and again, which only led to Youngjae pulling them out of the shop. Youngjae though went back inside to say goodbye to his family. His mother handed him a bag for Jackson and Mark. “Such good boys, without family near. I hope this leaves them a little less lonely.” He wanted to tell his mother they had each other but he bit his tongue and just thanked her, before kissing her cheek and going out of the shop. 

 

Jackson and Mark were more than delighted to be gifted with such nice food. They made a stop at Youngjae's house again to get his computer and 2 more boxes with his belongings. Youngjae realized, homosexuality was an untouched topic within his family. If on purpose or not, he couldn't tell. “Hyungs, did your parents accept you being gay?” Youngjae asked, driven by his own thoughts. “I guess we were lucky, our parents were always very supportive of our relationship,” Mark responded. “I think my parents knew I was gay way before even I realized myself and Jackson's parents were a little shocked at first, but not in a bad way.” Jackson nodded. “That's good. I don't want you to be hurt by anyone.” Jackson sighed, turning around taking Youngjae's hand. “Thank you otter, but don't worry. As long as the people closest to us stay, nothing can hurt us.” 

 

After the 4 hours ride back home it was already past midnight. The brown haired men helped Youngjae carry his boxes and computer upstairs. Before they elder men could say anything, Youngjae pulled both of them close. “Thank you. It helped so much to see my family before the exam phase starts. You are the best.” Hands combed through his hair. “Anything for you, Jae-ah.” A soft kiss was placed on his forehead. When both had left, Youngjae was alone with all this feelings inside him. It felt like at some point they would just spill out of him. And as he lay down in his bed, he could have sworn the otter in his arms smelled just like Mark and Jackson letting him drift into a tender blanket of sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry for everyone who waited. Sometimes life just happens. First my exam got postponed for a week, thanks for all the nice wishes. At least I did really well on it. Then I got sick, I am a little better now, but still not fully fine.
> 
> However I hope you enjoy this chapter and I can appease all of you with a little more wordcount. Anyway everybody please take care of yourself! Take a break, even if you don't think you can. Otherwise your body will do it for you and that will take a while for you to get better then. So please everybody stay healthy and have a wonderful week. ❤ 
> 
> I really like the Turn up album by the way. Even though the titel 97 young and rich is a little hmm (my opinion), the beat is suuuper nice.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 _Caffeine._ From energy drinks over black tea to just plain coffee, Youngjae had tried it all. One and a half weeks into his midterms and he was basically running on pure caffeine. He probably had to abstain from coffee for weeks after this. _(well, at least until exam phase rolled in)_ Five coffees were barely enough to survive the long night shifts. The effects were already noticeable. Tiredness was his constant companion the last days, but as soon as he tried to fall asleep, the caffeine residue in his body kept him awake. There wasn't a night he slept more than 4 hours, leaving him to crave for a good night's rest.

He couldn't await the week to be over and he could have a social life again. Youngjae chuckled quietly at the thought. Months ago, he wouldn't even have thought about anything but his exams. Now he missed eating dinner with his flatmates, singing with Jinyoung and especially seeing Mark and Jackson. Even though they still texted, Youngjae had no time to facetime, exaggerated texting nor meet up. The train of thoughts ended abruptly, when Jackson's face lit up on the screen of his phone.

 

Youngjae wanted to answer dearly, but his surroundings wouldn't be happy if he picked up the call, since he found himself in the environment of the library. A boy next to him only chuckled for a second and was immediately shushed by the librarian. The call stopped and went to voicemail. Quickly he opened the Kakaotalk application and Jackson's text window.

 

**From: Youngjae**

**To: Jackson-Hyung**

 

Hyung, I'm sitting in the library and can't answer the phone. >.< Is everything all right?

 

**From: Jackson-Hyung**

**To: Youngjae**

 

Youngjae-ah, can you come out for a second and meet me in front of the building?

 

**From: Youngjae**

**To: Jackson-Hyung**

 

Omw. Just a sec. :)

 

 

Youngjae grabbed his valuables, threw over his jacket and went straight for the door, his books left on the table waiting patiently for his return. Luckily the library was a whole separate building, making an easy access and exit possible. The news anchor stayed true to his words. Big, white, fluffy snowflakes decorated the evening sky, slowly falling to the ground to form a soft looking blanket. The whole landscape looked so pretty, Youngjae saved the picture in his mind, before the thawing began and wet, brown lumps were only nasty remnants of this beautiful sight. He pulled the jacket close, it was cold.

 

Youngjae spotted the familiar shock of brown hair first. Jackson sat on one of the roofed benches next to the library building, a plastic bag right next to him. He sighed. He did miss seeing Jackson, but felt a little sting that Mark was nowhere to be seen. _Greedy._ With long strides he went towards the bench and plopped down only a few centimeters away from Jackson. The elder man immediately smiled at him, making Youngjae's heart palpitate faster. “Hey Hyung,” Youngjae said. “Hey otter,” Jackson answered, while he put a hand on Youngjae's jaw and rubbed over the dark circles under his eyes. “You look tired.” The understatement of the year, Youngjae probably looked like a ghost already. The elder pulled off his blue scarf and wrapped it around Youngjae's bare neck. Youngjae beamed thankfully and put his head on Jackson's shoulder, he enjoyed the comforting warmth radiating from his Hyung's body and was way to worn out to fight against Jackson's kindness like usually.

 

Jackson reached for his hand and intertwined his gloved fingers with Youngjae's. For a few minutes it was silent between them, only gentle breathing was heard until Youngjae cleared his voice. “As much as I enjoy sitting here, Hyung, I have to go back inside, there is plenty of stuff I still need to study,” he whined and contrary to his words he nestled even closer. Jackson hummed, patting Youngjae's head with his free hand. “I only wanted to make sure, you're still alive and well.” He rummaged through his bag and placed a plastic container on Youngjae's lap. A strong scent emanated from the container, leaving Youngjae's mouth to water. When he opened it, a red delicious meal sat in front of him. On point his stomach began to rumble. “Hyung, is this kimchi stew?” Jackson nodded. “From our little Korean restaurant.” Youngjae's heart melted. _Our._ “Ah, here is also rice, so dig in and I won't go before you finish it all,” and Youngjae knew better than to argue with Jackson.

 

Youngjae didn't know when it was the last time he ate more than a cupramen or a granola bar. So with each bite he savored the taste, the food was so simple but so good. Halfway through the bowl a flash appeared and Youngjae almost thought the weather changed into a thunderstorm, when he saw Jackson grinning and a phone in his hand. His mouth was still full, so he tried his best to convey his mind to Jackson through a stern stare, but that only lead to Jackson taking a second picture.

“Sorry, I promised Mark I would send him at least a picture and you looked too sweet. He misses you, but he is really busy with work these days.” Youngjae swallowed. “I will forgive you, for Mark-Hyung but don't do it again,” he said while lifting a finger. Jackson was lucky Youngjae was so tired, otherwise that wouldn't have been this easy. Or so he thought. “You can keep the picture but now you have to eat a spoon of the stew.” The expression on Jackson's face went from happy to mortified in a millisecond. “But Youngjae-ah, it is super spicy. Only smelling it made me shiver,” he complained as Youngjae prepared a spoon full for him. “Close your eyes and open up. It will be over fast.” Jackson closed his eyes and opened his mouth, food was placed inside it and he waited for the common burn to appear. Nothing. Youngjae's loud laugh was heard and Jackson realized the mass inside his mouth was only plain rice. This cheeky boy. The bickering went back and forth, until Youngjae had no further excuse to procrastinate his studies.

 

As they bid each other goodbye, Jackson gave Youngjae a thermos flask with his special green tea, stating it would be better for his body and still had caffeine to get him through the day. At least it was organic. Youngjae just rolled his eyes, even though he secretly found it pretty endearing. Jackson had to promise Youngjae in return to give his greetings to Mark. “Maybe you should also make a jug of tea for Mark-Hyung,” Youngjae shared his thoughts, while he inhaled Jackson's scent captured in the scarf. “Believe me, I tried. Once I switched his coffee to green tea. I had to sleep on the sofa that night, so I never tried again.” His Hyungs were just so funny. When Youngjae sat down in the library again now equipped with more energy and will, he realized that he never gave Jackson his scarf back. At least the scarf would solace him on his way home in the early morning hours.

 

 

 

 

1 hour. Barely. That was the amount Youngjae slept that night. All studies done by certified statistic centers provided information about sleeping habits, and how it was extremely unhealthy to sleep less than 5 and a half hours at night. Everyone knew, still on the other hand exactly those smart people couldn't plan better but to schedule two exams for the same day, leaving almost no choice for students but to do night shifts. That's what happened to Youngjae – two exams directly followed by one another. The first exam this morning was musical history and even though it was a lot to study, the subject was logical and there was absolutely no room for interpretation, making it one of the easier ones. To Youngjae's delight this midterm was a piece of cake. Of course he still had to wait for the results, but he should be on the save side here. There was an hour break before his next class and exam. Youngjae pulled out his phone, removing the flight mode which had been on during the exam.

 

_[Flight Buddies]_

 

_Jackson-Hyung changed the name of the group into 'Markson + Otter'_

 

 **Mark-Hyung:** Youngjae-ah, good luck with your exam!! I know you'll do well.

 

 **Jackson-Hyung:** Good luck, otter!!!!!! <3333 You can do it!!! :)))

 

 **Youngjae:** Thank you, Hyungs :) I think it went okay. My next exam is coming up though and I'm a little worried for that one. -.-

 

 **Mark-Hyung:** We believe in you.

 

 **Youngjae:** I will tell you how it went!

 

Youngjae switched his phone back to flight mode and made his way towards the next exam. As soon as the paper was given to him he was allowed to start. With one glance at it he knew this was a whole different level than the exam before. 'Musical analysis and criticism' always left Youngjae out in the dark, not that he didn't know about the musical piece he was handed, far from it. But sometimes your interpretation didn't match with the professors and criticism was at least at some point a little subjective. Unfortunately they didn't only have a piece to work with and write an analysis about, but were also handed a questionnaire with forty questions. It was a race against time and just as Youngjae finished, was the paper already taken from him again. No possibility to go through it once more. Sighing he packed his stuff and made his way towards his next and final class of the day. As soon as he was finished with the seminar he spent the rest of the day in the library, unfortunately today there was no Jackson.

And even though Youngjae texted them after his second test, none of his Hyungs had even read it, letting Youngjae assume they were busy with work. He had one midterm left on Friday and another one on Monday, after that he could at least rest for a while and especially try to appease his body and give him his well deserved sleep.

 

Thursday was no different than the days before, Youngjae worked his morning shift at the store with Yugyeom and after that he went back to the library. What was different though, was neither Jackson nor Mark answered him yesterday and didn't text him on Thursday as well. First Youngjae thought they must have been busy, knowing how stressful their respective jobs could be. As Friday rolled in and Youngjae finished his next to last exam and still had not heard any living sign, he started to think that maybe he was too much of a handful. Jackson even had to come and bring Youngjae dinner. Maybe Mark and Jackson felt obligated since his parents _(and probably his roommates)_ asked them to take care of Youngjae. Then again they have been taking care of Youngjae since the day they met him, maybe they weren't well. The thought didn't sit well with Youngjae, he made it all about himself again even putting his exam before his Hyungs, when they may were in need of help. He should stop questioning Mark and Jackson and start being more open.

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

 **Youngjae:** Hyungs, are you okay? I'm worried, sorry I didn't ask earlier... I hope you are both well.

 

After an hour Youngjae got an individual message from Jackson, where he asked if he could call him. Youngjae picked his phone up hastily and called Jackson. After the second beep Jackson's voice was heard, it sounded strained and tired. “Youngjae-ah, how are you? I hope your exam today went well.” His Hyung was absolutely not well and still managed to care for Youngjae. “Hyung, everything went fine. But what about you?” Youngjae tried to show Jackson he could be there for him, too. A long exhale ringed through the phone before Jackson started to talk again. “Do you have any exams left?” he went on, ignoring Youngjae's question and leaving him more than worried.

“I still have one on Monday, but that's it,” Youngjae answered truthfully. “Okay, then concentrate on your midterm Youngjae. That's the most important right now.”

 

“Come on, Hyung, I can clearly hear, there are more important things going on. You usually tell me to rely on you, but you can rely on me, too. Always.” It was silent after a while. Youngjae knew Jackson could be quite stubborn, but he could also hear his resolve cracking. “But,” Jackson started again, taking a big breath, “it will ruin your whole weekend, and mess up your study schedule. We always disturb that anyway.” The music major almost couldn't believe what he heard. Mark and Jackson had lit up every aspect of Youngjae's life and made it so much better. “Jackson-Hyung,” Youngjae said in a serious voice, “tell me. I don't care at all for my studies, if you two are not fine.” Youngjae probably had never been this honest with Jackson.

 

“Mark is sick.” Three simple words sent Youngjae's heart tumbling. “What?” “It's not super severe or something. But it's too extreme to leave him alone, without me worrying.” Jackson told him, that Mark developed a fever of 41°C on Wednesday night and even though they went to the hospital and Mark was given an antipyretic, his temperature was still slightly over 40°C. Youngjae hummed to make Jackson continue. “And I have to go to this really important trade fair outside of Seoul. I have to work the whole weekend and there is no way I cannot show up for the event.” The black haired boy understood instantly. “Hyung, text me your address, I will be there in an hour.” Although Jackson insisted to pick him up, Youngjae just told him that for once he should care about himself and he had two healthy legs, he could take the subway. Hesitantly Jackson finally agreed.

 

Youngjae quickly grabbed his duffle bag from the stowage under his bed and filled it with everything he would need. Sleeping clothes, a second and third suit of daily clothing, his laptop and all his notes for the upcoming exam on Monday. While fetching his stuff, he texted his mother what he could cook best when someone was sick. After he ensured his mother that he was perfectly fine but Mark wasn't, his mom sent him a mild chicken soup recipe to boost Mark's immune system. He also had to promise her to send Mark her 'get well' wishes. Bambam and Yugyeom were not yet back from classes, so Youngjae decided to text them later that he wouldn't be back today. In the mean time Jackson shared his location with him, letting Youngjae's eyes grow wide. Well, he certainly didn't spend time on that side of the Han River often.

 

In the middle of his ride, Youngjae stopped at a supermarket to get ingredients for the soup he wanted to cook as well as some kiwis which are known for their high amount in Vitamin C. When he stood in front of Mark and Jackson's building, he was in awe over the whole sight in front of him. Even though Youngjae had passed more pompous houses, the small skyscraper was still magnificent.

 

**From: Jackson-Hyung**

**To: Youngjae**

 

Fifth floor, Apt. No. 510 :)

 

Youngjae felt out of place when he passed the receptionist in the lobby eyeing him curiously. As he entered the elevator, he saw the building had up to 20 floors. The house he lived in had 4, not that he minded. It only made him realize that his Hyungs had perfectly crossed the border to his world, but he never had been part of theirs up to this point. The feelings inside him were two-sided. On the one hand, he was happy to care for his Hyungs, on the other hand, though he felt really nervous.

 

He pressed the bell, shortly after he halted in front of the supposed apartment door. Rustling was heard before an almost very naked body opened the door for him. His eyes shot up meeting Jackson's. Youngjae tried his best to be cool about the situation, even though he certainly felt his body heat up directly. Jackson's whole demeanor brightened when he saw it was Youngjae. Before Youngjae could foresee it, Jackson pressed him against his still slightly wet skin, forcing the dark haired boy to squeak cutely. Youngjae felt shy to touch the other's skin, only vaguely running his hand over Jackson's back.

The elder man released him after a while of silently embracing each other in the entrance of the flat. He was pulled inside the apartment. “Jae-ah, make yourself at home, Mark is asleep. I will show you everything in a minute, I just need to get dressed since I'm already running late.” With these words Jackson vanished into one of the rooms, leaving Youngjae to marvel over the apartment by himself. If not only the big living room was something to be impressed about than the huge TV certainly was even more. Youngjae sat his bag down on the floor and himself on the edge of the sofa, feeling uncomfortable to go around without knowing where he could end. A few minutes passed before he saw Jackson come out in formal attire, knocking the air out of Youngjae's lung. He certainly had seen Jackson in many outfits, but this may be his favorite _(again solely objective opinion)_. “You look good, Hyung,” words tumbling out of his mouth faster than his mind could grasp. He bit his tongue.

 

At least Jackson looked pleased. With a smile on his face, the elder men showed Youngjae around, from the kitchen to their own fitness room.

 

(“Hyung, you work in a fitness center. Why do you need a room at home?” Jackson smirked, hand running down his chest and abdomen. “Do you think this body comes from training other people?” Youngjae had no further questions as he tried not to remember the scene from before.)

 

Mark's 'office' was all Youngjae ever dreamed of. A paradise for every gamer, although Youngjae knew exactly Mark was probably far from having his gamer heart satisfied in here. Youngjae couldn't imagine how exhausting Mark's work was. After he was shown the huge bathroom, Jackson led him towards the guest room, where he would stay. “This is certainly not how I wanted to reveal our place to you,” Jackson sighed. “I'm so sorry you have to do this. I wanted to ask Jaebum, but he is busy with his thesis. And when he is working he is grumpy, oh and just to warn you, Mark can get clingy when he is sick, and if Jaebum had been here, let's just say clingy Mark and grumpy Jaebum are not a great combo,” he rambled, before Youngjae cut off his words. “Hyung, really, I wanna be here and care for Mark, so stop talking nonsense. Now come on until you're really late.” He made a motion as to push Jackson towards the door. On their way, Jackson made a stop in front of his and Mark's bedroom.

Quietly his Hyung pushed the door open to reveal a darkened room, showing the outline of a single person stuffed under the blankets on the bed. Jackson sat down on the margin of the king size bed and leaned over Mark. “Baby, I have to go now okay?” The hushed voice only received grabby hands pulling at his sides as a response, making Jackson chuckle slightly. “I will be back as soon as possible, but I got someone who will take care of you.”

 

“If it's Jaebum, send him home. I can't deal with grandpa when I'm sick.” Mark's words were accompanied by a few coughs. Youngjae made a note to cook a tea for Mark and put in lots of honey. “That's why I didn't ask Jaebum – he is a shitty caretaker when he's sullen, which is like all the time,” Jackson pushed Mark's fringe from his forehead placing a kiss on the heated skin. “Tell Jinyoung not to disturb while I sleep then,” Mark said tiredly as he turned away from Jackson. “Jinyoung has work, he skipped one too many times. His sister was pissed and sentenced him to work the whole weekend. Jae is here.”

Mark shot up too fast, consequently he sank down with a groan. “No,” he exclaimed weakly. Youngjae's heart dropped. He didn't know this would take such a turn. Mark didn't want him here. Youngjae wanted to be everywhere but in this building, in their flat. Hearing Mark reject him, when he was in need made him question his position in this friendship. “Why Jackson,” Mark's words fueled the pain in Youngjae's soul, he was about to turn around when Mark spoke again. “He is in the middle of midterms, what if he catches my cold. He is a singer, Jack.” Youngjae felt like he was free falling a minute ago, only to be caught by soft pillows. Even in this state did Mark put Youngjae before himself. It was time to not only take, but give as well. Youngjae stepped into the room. “Hyung, I don't care at all. Both of you be selfish for once. Now, back to sleep. I will bring you a tea in a minute and you,” he looked at Jackson, “you're running late. Off now.” If Mark wasn't sick, he would have found it even cuter how Youngjae tried to take matter's into his own hands. This sweet boy. “You heard him, Babe. He is the boss now, so listen well,” Jackson stated smilingly while pressing another kiss to Mark's forehead.

 

With some effort Youngjae managed to send Jackson off to work and Mark back to sleep. The ingredients he bought on his way still rested on the floor in the living room. Thus, Youngjae picked them up and started cooking right away. When the dark haired boy finished preparing the soup, he left it on the stove so the broth could steep some more. He continued to boil water and make some tea for Mark. Just as he was about to enter the bedroom, the door opened and a masked Mark came out of the room. “Hyung, what are you doing?” Youngjae asked, panic swinging in his words. Mark, who had the blanket of the bed pulled around him, wrapped it even closer. “I don't wanna be alone,” he murmured as he grabbed the door handle to stabilize himself more. It took only a few second until Youngjae was by his side ushering him to bed again. The tea was placed by the table next to Mark's apparent bedside. Jackson had told him before, Mark would be 'clingy'. Youngjae found it rather lovely, since his Hyung normally was so cool and calm. As he returned to the kitchen, he got the elder man a bowl of the soup as well as a big bottle of water. Mark needed to stay hydrated. He put the soup right next to the tea cup and helped Mark to sit up. With hawk eyes he watched his Hyung eat spoon after spoon, until the soup was empty. He made sure to tuck the older back into bed. As he made his way towards the door, a hand darted out under the blanket and snatched his wrist. “Jae-ah,” Mark whispered, “will you stay?” The dark haired boy told Mark he would be back in a minute. Soon after Mark fell asleep again. Youngjae cleaned up the kitchen and then went to take out his study material. He decided to study in the bedroom, even though he didn't want to disturb his Hyungs' privacy, Mark has asked for his company.

 

Youngjae studied quietly on the other bedside for a few hours, while Mark sometimes stirred from his delirium just to dive right back in. At some point Youngjae felt too tired to study anymore and decided to take at least a twenty minute nap. But as he lay down, he had a perfect view of Mark's handsome features. And instead of sleeping, he spent the time memorizing the line of the elder's closed almond-shaped eyes, over his perfect nose, towards his full lips. When his gaze went back up, the dark brown orbs were staring right back at him. “Oh Hyung, you're awake? Do you need anything. Please drink something,” Youngjae hastily sat straight to cover up his embarrassment of getting caught while he was starring.

To his surprise Mark just pulled him back down. As Youngjae settled in his former position, Mark reached for his hand. “Thank you for being here,” he smiled while squeezing his hand weakly. The soft feeling inside Youngjae returned and the urge to press Mark close appeared. Before he could finally get to the bottom of his weird feelings, Mark spoke again. “Jae-ah, tell me something.” Youngjae looked at him questioningly. “Like what?”

 

“Something about you.”

 

Youngjae started to talk about his childhood adventures. Treasure hunts in the woods, flying kites at the beach on windy days and calmly lying in his bed and watching the stars at night. He went on to talk about his happiness when he became an uncle to his sister's children and the sadness that he often couldn't see the kids. It wasn't long before he got sleepy again, he still continued to talk to Mark, slowly the topics became deeper. His brother and sister were so content with their lives, his parents always knew what they wanted, all his old friends had exact ideas, where their life would be heading to. And then there was Youngjae, still figuring everything out. “I just don't know where I belong,” his tongue heavy with sleep. And before his body completely dozed off, he could hear Mark's voice say. “You belong right here with Jackson and me.”

 

 

When Youngjae awoke, he felt refreshed for the first time in a while. Though immediately the bad conscious sank in, he still had a midterm left and needed to study. There was lots of time after that to sleep. His hands searched for his phone to check the time, when he realized the arm securely hanging over his waist. With slow moves the dark haired boy tried to escape, making Mark's grip around him stronger. The body behind him started to shift and motioned closer. Mark's face pressed into Youngjae's neck and soft breathing slid over his sensitive area making Youngjae's skin form goosebumps. There was no way Mark was in a wake state. His subconsciousness probably mistook Youngjae for Jackson, Youngjae was certain about that. “You need to rest as well, you can study later. There is no point in studying until you're sick.” The grip intensified once more. Youngjae wanted to tell Mark, that he was one to talk, but the heat oozing from Mark's body, packed him into a soft, secure blanket of sleep.

 

The next time he woke up he was alone, so he didn't even try to stifle his yawn. He found Mark in the kitchen, trying to make breakfast – it was 1 p.m. and Mark had, yes indeed, not seen Youngjae this angry, so he went back to bed without further discussion. Youngjae studied for the rest of the day and only took breaks to prepare food for Mark and update Jackson about Mark's status. In the evening he got a furious call from Yugyeom and Bambam who thought he was kidnapped, since he forgot to tell them where he went. As he described Mark's condition, they wished him well. Just as he was about to hang up, Bambam told him 'good luck, Hyung', which left him gazing irritated at the phone.

The rest of the weekend, went without further complications. Although he could have slept in the guest room that night, Mark said he could use Jackson's side _(just in case something happened, obviously)_. When Jackson came back on Sunday evening, Mark's temperature was only slightly above normal values, which earned Youngjae the permanent position of personal nurse, if one of them would fall sick again. Even though Youngjae would have been fine with taking the metro back home, his Hyung's absolutely agreed on Jackson driving him.

 

 

Monday came by and went just as fast. Youngjae was finally midterm free, at least for this semester. Aside from working two shifts this week, Youngjae met up with Jaebum for his performance project and with Jinyoung to just hang out and sing a little. He couldn't anticipate Friday though, sleep was still a scarce good. So Friday he didn't do anything else, but sleep and eat. As Saturday rolled in, his phone woke him up at 10 a.m. With a groan he fumbled for his phone; he had forgotten to put it on flight mode the night before.

 

 

**From: Jinyoungie**

**To: Youngjae**

 

You up?

 

**From: Youngjae**

**To: Jinyoungie**

 

You woke me >.< so yeah... what's up?

 

**From: Jinyoungie**

**To: Youngjae**

 

uppps :D tonight, party?

 

**From: Youngjae**

**To: Jinyoungie**

 

Meanie. Hmm, I don't know. I have not been to a party before.

 

**From: Jinyoungie**

**To: Youngjae**

 

Okay, so it's not a question anymore. Party!!!!

 

**From: Youngjae**

**To: Jinyoungie**

 

Okay, I guess?

 

**From: Jinyoungie**

**To: Youngjae**

 

!

 

“I have literally nothing to wear,” with those words Jinyoung was pulled inside Youngjae's apartment. “What kind of party is that anyway?” They only stopped, when they were in front of Youngjae's room. As they stepped in, Youngjae's frustration was literally scattered all over the floor – in the form of clothes. “It's just a houseparty, wear what you want,” Jinyoung said with an amused grin. “Why do you wanna go anyway? And why take me with you?” Youngjae went on to complain. “First of all, it's a friend's party. So no worries, there is no dressing the wrong way.”

 

“Really? What if I wanted to wear a sequined dress?”

 

“Then I wouldn't hinder you. If you feel like it.”

 

“You're literally no help,” Youngjae glared at him. While Jinyoung literally laughed his ass off _(excuse Youngjae for never going to a party)_ , Youngjae went for his last straw of hope and knocked on Bambam's door. When Bambam opened, he looked like he came straight from the runway. After he explained his case, Bambam was more than pleased to help out. Bambam and Yugyeom went to the same party anyway, which lead to the youngsters and Jinyoung forcing Youngjae to do an improvised fashion show.

After Bambam decided none of Youngjae's shirt would fit the ripped jeans he chose, he went back to his own room and brought some shirts. The first one was awful. Not Bambam awful, but Youngjae awful, full of golden glitter and embroideries. Even though he would never wear it, Bambam still told him to try it on. Jinyoung almost fell from the bed, when he saw it and being the good friend he was, he held his mockery on a low level and only took two pictures of it. “Jae, the sequined dress doesn't sound so bad now, right?” In response Youngjae only stuck out his tongue and pulled the shirt off. The second and third were fine, but not what he wanted. “Don't you have a plain black shirt?” Bambam asked. Youngjae nodded, but found it too inornate for a party. “I have the perfect necklace and belt to go with this outfit.” Shortly after Youngjae put everything on, Bambam did his hair and applied a smidgen of make-up.

 

As he walked in then, Jinyoung didn't laugh anymore and Yugyeom just nodded his head. “Jae-ah, you look hot,” Jinyoung smirked. “You wanna tell me, I never looked good before?” Youngjae asked with a pout. Jinyoung laughed. “You look plenty sweet all the time, but now you look hot. Ah, before I forget it, my boyfriend is coming as well, I want you two to meet,” the theater major smiled at him. Right, Youngjae never told him. “I know your boyfriend already.” Jinyoung looked at him questioningly. “I forgot to tell you, since we didn't see each other during midterms,” the group moved into the living room, while he talked, “and I only found out right before midterms started and only because Jackson-Hyung and Mark-Hyung told me.” Now Jinyoung looked even more confused. “You know Mark-Hyung and Jackson-Hyung as well?” Bambam grinned widely and Yugyeom coughed. “Yeah, he knows them well,” Bambam stated. Youngjae sent him an irritated gaze. “Really,” Jinyoung asked, “what a small world. Ah, are they the both Hyungs you talked about before?” Youngjae answered his question with an affirmation. Due to Jinyoung's further greed of knowledge, he told him everything the other didn't know. How Jaebum was his adviser and how close he actually was to his Hyungs, he tried to ignore the soft, bubbly feeling. Jinyoung eyed him cautiously, like he was missing a big piece of the puzzle.

 

In the mean time, Yugyeom went to the convenience store near their flat to grab some soju bottles and start excessive drinking even before the party. When it was time to take off and head to the party, Jinyoung spoke again. “By the way,” he looked at Youngjae as they stumbled towards the metro station, “it's a friend of Jackson-Hyung and Mark-Hyung as well, so they will probably be there.” The excitement running through Youngjae's body was hard to hide, since he grabbed the phone directly after Jinyoung's words. But Bambam motioned him to pause for a moment. “Do me a favor and don't text them. I have created a masterpiece,” he pointed his hand in Youngjae's direction, “it would be in vain to spoiler the surprise.” The night air helped them clear their minds, only leaving a slight comforting tipsiness.

 

The booming of the subwoofer sent vibrations through Youngjae's body as soon as they entered the house. Jinyoung had been right, there was absolutely no dresscode and Youngjae felt a little stupid for freaking out earlier. Apparently the dark-brown haired boy next to him had found his better half, since he rushed to the other side of the room. Youngjae followed him with curious eyes, witnessing his stoic adviser and his sassy friend bloom like flowers when they joined hands and literal lip services were exchanged. The moment he turned around to look for the younger boys, both grabbed his sides and moved him towards the bar. After three rounds of shots, they took Youngjae to the self-made dance floor. And, although Youngjae argued he was a terrible dancer, the buzz in his body made him move on his own. He couldn't believe he missed out on such a funny experience all his young adult life.

Only after the music changed to something slower did he tell Yugyeom, he needed some air and would go outside. Looks were exchanged between the other two, who were too warm as well and wanted to cool down. Sober Youngjae would not have gone outside without a jacket considering it was only 6°C outside, but drunken Youngjae couldn't care less. It wouldn't be for long anyway. They looked for an empty spot. The cold weather didn't seem to hold the people inside. As they turned around the corner, the only bench there was occupied by a red haired man, whose lap was taken by a muscular brown haired one. Both men didn't seem to notice the intruders of their private moment, since they exchanged a heated kiss. The brown haired man had his hand fisted into the red tuft and every time the man beneath him drew back for air, he was immediately pulled back against the soft looking lips. Pictures of his Hyungs danced through Youngjae's clouded mind. Bambam next to him whistled quietly. “That's kind of hot, I have to say.” There was no way the pair didn't hear that. Before Youngjae realized it, he had answered Bambam with a mumbled 'yes'. And just when the wind carried his voice towards the two, did the pair look up and Youngjae wanted the floor to engulf him, fast please.

 

Jackson was the first one to react as he stood up from Mark's lap with wobbly feet. “Otter,” he exclaimed happily as he pulled Youngjae into a fierce hug. Jackson smelled like alcohol and according to the unsure stand, he was at least a little intoxicated. Youngjae was probably the same. The hug let him forget the inappropriate comment he made just seconds ago and he hugged back just as earnestly. After that he was pulled to the bench and placed between Mark and Jackson. His favorite place, his drunken mind admitted that. “Hyung,” he touched Mark's hair, “you changed your hair color.”

Bambam and Yugyeom were long forgotten and they took it as their cue to leave, when they didn't receive the same warm welcoming. Mark pushed his head against the contact, so Youngjae was patting him. It made him giggle. “Do you like it?” Marked asked, voice even deeper than normally. Youngjae hummed in affirmation. “You look really handsome.” He caressed his hair once more before the youngest retracted his hand. “What about me?” Jackson sulked. Youngjae had to hide his grin behind his hand. “Of course, Hyung, you are just as pretty.” Jackson held his hand over his heart. “Ah, such a sweet boy.”

 

They decided to go inside due Youngjae's lack of a jacket, which got him an earful from his Hyungs. Youngjae was placed on a sofa as Mark went to get them drinks and Jackson looked for the bathroom. While he waited Youngjae's gaze went through the crowd making out Yugyeom dancing with a long-legged girl and Bambam at the bar taking shots with some people which, Youngjae assumed, were his friends. Jinyoung and Jaebum were spotted at exactly the same place they stood, when they arrived. Just what was that about Jinyoung wanting Jaebum and Youngjae to meet. Youngjae chuckled.

 

A body sat down next to him and Youngjae guessed either Mark or Jackson returned, as a hand was thrown over his shoulders. When he turned around though, he was met with an unfamiliar face. “I don't know why such a pretty boy is all by himself,” the man slurred as he came awfully close. Youngjae removed the arm, which gripped awfully tight. Just as the man wanted to return his arm, did someone clear his voice. Youngjae looked up and saw Mark, drink in his hands and anger, Youngjae never knew could exist, in his eyes. “You can clearly make out, he doesn't want to interact with you at all. And if I were you, I would go. Fast.” The man went as quickly as he had approached him. Mark's face did a 180° turn, breaking into a soft smile, as he handed Youngjae his drink and took the spot next to him. His close proximity let Youngjae calm down again. “I'm sorry, Hyung.” Mark looked at him bewildered. “For what?” Youngjae thought about it. “I don't know.” Mark smiled at him, stroking Youngjae's cheek with his free hand. “Don't ever let anyone force body contact on you, when you don't want it.” He understood. His Hyung was right. Still he wanted to light up the mood again and didn’t want to let the incident ruin the night. 

 

“I put my head on Jackson-Hyung's shoulder without asking,” letting Mark break out into his high pitch laugh, which was swallowed by the noise around him. “I assure you, he didn't regret that a minute.” Mark became serious again as he leaned forward to whisper into Youngjae's ear. “You look _stunning_ by the way. I wanted to tell you all night.” And normally Youngjae would have played it down. But today he didn't even try to hide his blush and raised heart rate, he only looked into Mark's eyes and thanked him. The moment was over as soon as Jackson arrived and pulled them onto the dance floor.

 

As time passed by Youngjae got a little more drunk than he was before to the point where he fell asleep on Jackson's lap. Youngjae couldn't see that Mark and Jackson watched him with affectionate eyes, before they decided to call it a night and bring Youngjae home. “Jae-ah, come on. Let's get you home.” Jackson tried to wake him up. “Don't wanna,” was all he got as a reply. “I would carry you, but I'm drunk myself and I wouldn't want to endanger your safety.” Youngjae sighed. “Fine,” he stretched himself after standing up, not noticing his Hyung's gaze again, as his shirt revealed a bit of his belly. One could tell the party was in its final throes, the music was lower and the number of people was drastically cut down. “I don't want to go home,” he exclaimed. “I want to go to the Han River.” Mark snatched his hand, to stop him from walking away. “I don't think alcohol and rivers are a good combination.”

 

“We don't need to go down. We can sit on the stone stairs and look at the water fountain.”

 

“Youngjae, there is no show at night.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Because it's only on some days and ends at 9 p.m.”

 

“Maybe they made an excuse today. Even if not, I want to look at the river.”

 

Jackson knew arguing was useless, as he called the cab, which took them to a spot at the Han river which was near their place. Just as they were about to arrive did Youngjae spot a convenience store and made Mark go and buy him grilled squid, because 'someone always needed to eat that at the Han river' according to Youngjae.

 

They made their way to the stone stairs Youngjae wanted to sit at. As soon as they sat down, Youngjae grabbed Jackson and Mark's hands and enlaced them with his own. “You know, I am really happy, I fell asleep on your shoulder, Hyung.” Jackson's hand tightened as to say he felt the same. Youngjae let go of the hands, to open the snack, not even minding that there was no water show on at the moment. “Hyungs, who come up with your couple name? It's hilarious,” he asked while munching the snack. “Well, it was either Markson or Jark. And let's be real nobody wants the couple-name Jark.” Youngjae couldn't hold in his laughter, he giggled for minutes.

“Come on, otter, it's freezing and we don't want to catch a cold.” The younger stopped in his motions. “Right, what if Mark gets sick again?” He immediately stood up and pulled at the other two to do the same. Jackson found drunken Youngjae so cute, he'd wonder what Youngjae would say when he woke up the next morning, remembering all he had done. “Come on, let's go,” Youngjae said, marching in a certain direction. “Do you think he knows where he is going?” Mark asked Jackson. The other one grinned and shook his head. “Certainly not.”

 

Jackson and Mark guided him towards their place, only for Youngjae to notice right in front of their building that he wasn't at his home, but at Mark's and Jackson's. “But Hyungs, this is your home,” he whined. “That is correct, you smartie,” Mark chuckled. “Come on, you will sleep at ours.” Without further disagreement, Youngjae was lead into their apartment. Just as he wanted to walk towards the guest room, he was held back by Jackson's hand. “You can sleep with us. The bed is big enough anyway.” Youngjae saw Mark nodding. “But don't I bother you?” The answer came directly. “Never, now come on.”

All three of them, went into the elder men's bedroom. And Youngjae could only recall how nice it had been to sleep and wake up next to Mark, he couldn't even imagine what it would be like to wake up next to both of them. A big shirt and a shorts was handed to him and even though they were all men, Youngjae felt shy and took off to the bathroom. When he came back, Mark and Jackson were already in bed, kissing each other good night. Now he felt stupid as his Hyungs clearly were fine by themselves. Just as he was about to turn around, did Mark call him over and slowly he was pulled in the middle. “Good night, Jae, sweet dreams.” Jackson pressed a kiss to his forehead and Mark one to his temple, before he fell asleep tired and content right between Mark and Jackson.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I wish you all a belated happy new year! I want to thank you all so much for following this story and leaving comments which totally make my day. <3 Thank you for your kudos and bookmarks. I am so pleased the story reached over 1k hits. I didn't even think someone would read this pairing, so I am really happy. *_*
> 
> I can be found on tumblr now (since yesterday) [here](https://myfreespiritsworld.tumblr.com/)  
> So feel free to contact me there. I'd love to be friends <33  
> If anyone of you is interested in kpop cover dances, I can really recommend to check out my girl Lea's [account](https://www.instagram.com/leajyl.covers/)
> 
> So lastely, I know it's been a few weeks already. But I want you to know, you're loved and appreciated. And if you are struggling, please ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask for it and if you need someone to talk to, I'll always listen :)
> 
> I hope everybody is well! <3


	6. Chapter 6

Soft touches ghosted over Youngjae's side, freeing tingly butterflies in his stomach. There was smooth fingertips running down his arm, until they found his hand and lifted it to a pair of lips, placing a soft kiss on each finger. He felt warm. A muscular body pressed to his front and a hand was placed under his chin, lifting it up. Jackson's eyes were dark and traced every line of his face. The rough skin of his thumb stroked firmly over Youngjae's delicate lips. Youngjae's eyes fluttered shut where his long lashes lay prettily on his porcelain skin. The fingers under his chin lifted it a little and forced Youngjae to open his eyes again. “Look at me, my sweet boy,” Jackson's husky voice sent showers of electricity down his spine. Just as he thought the prickling feeling inside his body rose to their most extreme state, did the pair of lips, which caressed his fingers before, press against the sensible skin of his neck. A gasp escaped his lips and Youngjae felt how Jackson's hold became even stronger.

 

The lips trailed down his neck until they met the seam of his shirt. Mark fingers slid over his clothed back to stop at the waistband of his pants. Carefully the shirt was pushed upwards, revealing a sliver of skin on his belly. “Jae-ah,” lips vibrated against his skin, “is this okay?” Mark motioned to push his shirt higher. Youngjae nodded maybe a little too enthusiastically. “You sure?” Mark asked one more time. “Yeah..,” the word was only a shaky breath, Youngjae couldn't think clearly. All his senses were elevated and he felt absolutely delirious. The heat radiating from the body in front of him and the other pressed to his backside left no room for thoughts. The only thing he could still grasp was that he wanted those two men, on every level. Probably more than he ever wanted anything else in his life.

 

His shirt was lifted and he sat up, so Jackson could pull it over his head. Shyness and embarrassment overcame him, he knew his body wasn't as desirable as Mark or Jackson's. He tried to cover his chest by subtly grabbing the nape of his neck, and shrieked a little when his arm was caught before doing so. Mark intertwined their hands and pulled Youngjae down again, this time on his back. As he looked up, he saw Mark lift his free hand and draw Jackson into a steamy kiss, not only leaving Jackson breathless but Youngjae as well.

 

The fire which ignited between his Hyungs was almost palpable and Youngjae would usually be afraid to be incinerated by it. But right now, between these two men, he didn't want anything other then to burn together with them. A wet sound was heard when Mark and Jackson separated from each other. A smile was shared between the two before their hungry eyes glided over his naked torso. The elder men took their places back at each side of Youngjae. Jackson's mouth immediately grazed over a sensitive spot right behind his ear, eliciting a sweet sound from the youngest. Mark on the other hand hovered over his body and watched every expression forming on Youngjae's pretty face. He certainly didn't want to miss a single emotion. The redhaired man leaned forward and placed a small kiss on the corner of Youngjae's mouth, letting the youngest eyes fly open. “Hyung,” the word never sounded so sensual, so forbidden as it did in this moment. Jackson's lips made their way over to his clavicle and stayed for a while, marking up the soft flesh under his teeth.

 

Youngjae had to close his eyes, when he felt the intensity of the storm of feelings hit him again. Mark's nose nudged his cheek, before Youngjae felt a warm breath against his ear making him shiver. “Is this still okay?” Mark's deep voice sounded again. Youngjae squeezed Mark's hand, which was still interlaced with his own. The mouth then started to nibble on the lob of his ear at the same time as Jackson placed a kiss on Youngjae's left nipple. A lovely moan escaped Youngjae's lips before he could stop it. Ashamed of his own sounds, Youngjae pressed his face into the pillow beneath him, facing away from Mark.

 

“Please don't hide yourself, otter,” Jackson came up and touched his cheek. Jackson waited patiently until Youngjae felt like he could meet his eyes, before he spoke again. “No need to be embarrassed. We want to hear every sweet sound you make,” Jackson caressed his skin. The red on Youngjae's cheekbones spread rapidly. “Hyung.” The soft word brought Jackson to go back and try to elicit more enchanting sounds from the younger boy. Jackson found the right nipple this time, only to be rewarded with an other moan. Only this time, “Jackson-Hyung,” it was his name.

 

Mark's face was buried into the nape of his neck to place soft kisses there, while his hands left Youngjae's and wandered back to the waistband of his pants. His thumb rubbed circles over his clothed hip bone. Youngjae was going crazy, these touches were so much but not nearly enough. He wanted more. And as if his inner wishes were heard, he felt a tongue dip into the cavity of his belly button. This time he was fast enough to bite his fingers though, which earned him a strong, stern gaze from Mark, who pulled the hand back into his own.

 

Jackson's mouth reached the waistband with his mouth. Youngjae couldn't believe what was about to happen. A tongue trailed along the line of the waistband, before hands tugged the pants deeper to reveal two hipbones. A small kiss was placed on the left hipbone, right before the pants was slowly pulled down.

 

 

Youngjae's eyes flew open, when he woke from the more than vivid dream. It took him a few seconds to take in his surroundings. Like the last time was Mark's body still pressed to his backside and an arm loosely wrapped around his middle. This time though his front was facing Jackson, who was curled into a ball, but still held his hand as if his life depended on it. And then Youngjae realized it, the dream left it's marks on his body, heat collecting itself in his lower body. Regardless of the warm, bubbly feelings he experienced in his dream, now it was overbearing leaving him no room to breath. As much as he wanted to be here normally, right now he just wanted to go home, pull his blanket over his body and never come out again. Nausea crept its way up his body, and as fast as he could Youngjae wiggled out of Mark's hold and ran to the bathroom. He shut the door and turned the key around so his Hyungs couldn't enter. Youngjae fell to his knees in front of the toilet and emptied his stomach right into it.

 

The reason why he kissed the toilet seat wasn't entirely because of the amount of alcohol he consumed the night before. He had been dumb and ignorant. At least the erection had died down. Just as he thought, everything left his body, did a new wave hit him again. The angry and bitter taste of bile spread inside his mouth. A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by a second one. Youngjae wasn't completely stupid, but his skill in denying outshone itself. He had so far denied almost everything in his life.

 

He had denied that it didn't bother him that he had no friends in Seoul for the first two years of his college life; he had denied that the hurtful comments by his fellow students didn't leave small scars all over his heart; he had denied that he wasn't jealous of the way Yugyeom and Bambam had each other's back no matter what. And what he absolutely had denied all those month were his own feelings. The warmth he felt every time Mark looked his way, the spark he experienced whenever Jackson touched him and the security he felt when both of them cared for him. He felt so loved. What a joke. He was given plenty of broad hints over the weeks on his own feelings, but only now when the clues stepped all over his body did he realize their meaning.

 

A knock interrupted his inner conflict. “Jae-ah,” Jackson's voice sounded rough, only reminding him of his dream and his stomach started rioting again. After another round of barfing, even though only bile was left, did the voice sound again. “Youngjae, can you open the door?” It was Mark's voice this time. Youngjae leaned his head against the beige tile of the wall, thankful for the cooling feeling decreasing his body temperature. “Hyung, I'm puking.” A chuckle was heard from outside. “I realized that much. Jackson has a glass of water and a pain killer,” Mark tried to persuade him to open the door. “Mark-Hyung, I don't have a headache. I'm just feeling wasted and probably look like it,” Youngjae flushed the toilet. He got up slowly and saw his red face in the mirror of the bathroom. The corner's of his eyes were still wet and sweat pooled at his forehead leaving his bangs stick to it. “We all look like that, can't you let us in?” Mark started to sound a little desperate, but Youngjae couldn't help it. There was just no way he could face one of them. They would probably see right through him and could read the creepy feelings in his eyes. And then they would hate him, they would feel used and would never talk to him again. He sank back down to the floor only to lie there on the tiles, hoping he would wake up again and he never realized his own feelings.

 

“Jae?” Jackson was outside as well. _Awesome._

 

“Hyungs, can't you leave me alone for a while?” This was harsher than he intended to let it sound, but if it did his cause then he didn't mind in this very moment. He heard quiet voices talking outside the door. “You sure?”

 

_You sure? You sure? You sure?_

 

The words echoed through his mind. Mark asked him the same in his dream and he wished he never woke up from this dream, where he had been just as wanted as he wanted them. Still did now. “Yes, please,” he almost pleaded. “Okay, we will be near though, if you need one of us just call.” Then he heard the shuffling of feet and after a few seconds he was finally alone again. Not quiet right, it was still him and his toxic mind. He tried to stop his train of thoughts and focus on the problem at hand. How was he supposed to get out of here without being to suspicious. Normally he would have spent the day and just chilled on the couch cuddled to Mark or Jackson or both, with no other intention than to cuddle. But his feelings had been going on for a while now, he had to question every touch he received and gave. When did his feelings evolve into something greater than pure friendship. He was going crazy, he had to leave now.

 

With this thought he pulled himself upwards and grabbed the toothbrush Jackson bought him last time. _(It was yellow, because he reminded Jackson of the sun.)_ The memory brought a sad smile to his face. Jackson just bought a toothbrush for him, there was only one for Mark, Jackson and himself. As if he was sure, Youngjae would come over often. He wanted that as well, but to stay friends he had to get rid of those nasty feelings.

 

After he washed up, he combed his hair and tried to make himself as presentable as possible. Then he quietly opened the door and rushed to the bedroom, grabbed his clothes from a chair and was back in the bathroom within seconds. As soon as he was clothed, he folded the shirt and shorts given to him for the night and left them on the laundry basket in the corner of the room. This time he exited the bathroom slowly. Mark and Jackson looked at him a little irritated. “Are you all right?” Jackson asked while he put down his cup, probably filled with the green tea. And even though Youngjae didn't like it at all, he would appreciate every thermos flask made for him. “No, yes, I mean, I forgot I have an essay due tomorrow, and I still need to finish this.” Mark's eyebrows rocketed upwards. “You never forget a thing, especially university related stuff.”

 

“Yeah, I know. I can't believe it myself. But on Friday I was knocked out from midterms and on Saturday I was probably to excited to go to the party and it totally skipped my mind.” That sounded at least a little believable. He patted his pockets to look if he had his phone, his key and wallet. Now both of his Hyungs looked at him expectantly. “You want to leave so soon?” Jackson asked and rose to his feet. “You didn't even eat or drink anything. You're body needs electrolytes.” He had to be fast otherwise Jackson and Mark would literally force him to eat under their watch to make sure he was fine. Well, he wasn't, but that didn't have to do anything with the fact of having no intake of liquid or nutrition.

 

With quick steps he walked towards the door, slipped on his jacket and shoes. “Hyungs, thank you so much for letting me stay. You don't need to drive me on your day off,” he smiled at them and it never felt so wrong. “Are you really okay?” Youngjae looked into totally flabbergasted faces, he wanted nothing more than to hug them and ensure everything was fine. But he couldn't. “Yeah of course, text you soon!” And with that he left the apartment, almost running down the hallway, before anyone could follow him. He knew they were concerned, and it hurt him that he caused the worry knowingly.

 

The whole drive home was a blur, Youngjae vaguely recognized the passing houses outside. He just wished his thoughts would stop, and he knew there would be one single way only to make them do it. So as he reached his apartment, he didn't respond to Yugyeom and Bambam's surprised looks and dashed into his room, pulled out his notes and laptop and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

 

“Youngjae-Hyung, what are you already doing here? We thought you would spend the day at Jackson-Hyung and Mark-Hyung's place?” Yugyeom gazed at him curiously. “Yeah, no, I need to go, just I'll be back. Bye,” Youngjae knew there would be questions later. But that could wait, when he cleared his head, he didn't want to talk to anyone for a while.

 

Shifting his priorities back to studying would only do him good, after all he promised himself that he'd never make something as important as studying. And even though he could tell that there were people more important than studying now, it wouldn't be bad to reduce the contact a little and focus back on his roots. There were still two weeks until his winter vacation would start and he could go home for Christmas and New Year.

 

After the winter break there was only one week left until the showcase of his performance project. It would be a semi huge thing, closed from the public eyes but with agents from the record companies. They were allowed to invite two family members or friends. Youngjae knew exactly whom he wanted there, but at this point his Hyungs were no option. He sighed.

 

The winter was still going strong, so Youngjae had to pull his scarf _(Jackson's scarf)_ closer and duck his head a little to withstand the sharp wind blowing right into his face. Relieve washed over him when Youngjae saw the doors of the campus building. Quickly he slipped into his favorite practice room, after making sure no one was inside. Youngjae pulled out his sheets and notebook and began to work on his performance class project. Midterms really threw him off, but he was more than willing to give twice as much now. And for hours Youngjae did nothing else, working on the song he had so carefully chosen and trying to recite the monologue parts he had worked out with Jinyoung before. He was almost done with the arrangement, but one thing was still missing. He had no lyrics until now.

 

Writing lyrics challenged his skills the most because of the depth they should be provided with and at this very moment Youngjae didn't want to explore any part of the storm of feelings inside him, so this had to wait for later.

 

~~  
~~

 

Youngjae had worked for hours only realizing the time, after he heard his stomach growl. Right, he never ate something, Mark and Jackson would not be pleased. Also, he never texted them, he was home and all right, he normally always did that. This stupid _(but still very nice)_ dream had messed with his whole psyche. He didn't know himself anymore. Every fiber of his body screamed for realization and explanation, but there was nothing Youngjae could offer to soothe his mind. Certainly, he did have those feelings for a long time, and as much as he wanted to, the black haired boy could no longer deny it. But he didn't want them, not now not ever.

 

Before he had an existential crisis in his practice room, Youngjae decided it would be better to have it at home. With swift motions he packed up his material and grabbed the scarf to wrap it back around his neck. The scent radiating from the scarf was faint but still there, Youngjae pushed his face in deeper before he realized what he was doing. He had to give the scarf ultimately back to Jackson, there was no way to keep it while he betrayed both of his Hyungs' trust.

 

He shoved his earplugs right into his ears and turned on his music to the loudest volume possible in hope to block everything else out. And it worked for a while until his Kakaotalk tone went off, signaling him the income of a new message. Youngjae froze inside, there was no way he was able to talk to anyone about him at the moment. Especially since Youngjae knew Mark and Jackson, it was probably one of them asking if he was okay. Tears shot to his eyes. There was absolutely no way he deserved the attention and care they provided him with since he was the worst. How could he ever face them again?

 

As soon as he opened the door of the apartment an alluring smell hit him. And he knew that smell well, that was Jackson's perfume. Just as he was about to turn around and run as far as he could, did he hear Yugyeom's voice. “Youngjae-Hyung? You back?”

 

In panic Youngjae looked for a way to hide himself, but he had no option but to meet his fear directly. Yugyeom walked into the corridor with a bowl in the one and a spoon in the other hand. With a luxurious expression he shoved a piled spoon right into himself. “Acksewn-Hung hem owa,” he said with a full mouth. A bemused look rose on Youngjae's face. “What?” The amount in Yugyeom's mouth took a few seconds to be chewed properly. “Jackson-Hyung came over. He brought us food. Okay more like he wanted to bring you food and pitied us, so we ended up with a good meal as well. I don't care how you got them to like you this much, but you better keep them around when they bring us food,” Yugyeom exclaimed happily. Youngjae was only able to pull a fake smile and nod hesitantly. Quickly he peeled out of his shoes and jacket, before he hung them up. The scarf would go into a drawer and be pushed to the far end of it. Just as he walked past Yugyeom, the younger snatched his arm and pulled him back.

 

“Hyung said he brought you food, because you didn't eat at theirs and he wanted to make sure you got something good, because you tend to forget to eat while you study or work on assignments. When I asked him what he meant, Jackson-Hyung told me you remembered about an assignment and left their place really quickly this morning to work on it. Wanna know something funny, Hyung?” Yugyeom looked if he could coax a reaction out of Youngjae, but the latter just stood still not meeting his eyes. “I know for sure,” he continued, “that you don't have any assignments at the moment, so the 3rd year students can focus on their performance project. You told me, remember?”

Youngjae froze, Jackson knew he lied to them and if he was unsure of his behavior before, now he knew for sure that Youngjae was insincere. Yugyeom told him. And Jackson would know something was wrong and pester Youngjae about it until the younger couldn't take it anymore and tell them. And then all would be over, he would have lost two of the most important people in his life. Because Youngjae was stupid enough to not fall in love like normal people, but to fall in love with not one but two people. And two people who were in a relationship. As to top it, both were men.

 

Youngjae had not allowed his mind to question his whole sexual and emotional identity and he couldn't right now. He needed someone to talk this through and he knew just one person, who maybe wouldn't judge him immediately. Who could assure him, the world wasn't over and he still held some value.

“Hyung?” Yugyeom looked at him worriedly. “I just wanted to tease you. I'm sorry. I didn't tell Jackson, that's not my place. You certainly had a valid reason to run out this morning and I am not here to have any opinion. Hyung, remember I am your friend first and even if Bam and I may seem a little much at times, when there is something bothering you, you can tell us okay?” This were definitely the sweetest word Yugyeom ever said to him.

 

Youngjae had tried to fight it all day, but those sweet words were just the last straw to break Youngjae's walls. Slowly, the black haired boy's body started shivering until it shook a little more violently accompanied by suppressed sobs. He turned his body away from Yugyeom, not wanting the younger to see his absolutely vulnerable state only to be met with Bambam, who just emerged from his room. “What's wrong?” Bambam asked worriedly. Yugyeom looked at him helplessly. “I think I broke Youngjae. But I didn't mean to, I promise,” he exclaimed while lifting his hands to act as innocent as possible.

 

Bambam was clever enough to comprehend the situation by himself. Even though he didn't hear the conversation between the other two, he had been there when Jackson brought the food and told them about Youngjae's rushed departure in the morning. He just needed to put two and two together and it wasn't that hard to see dense Youngjae finally realizing his feelings. But Bambam also understood that they weren't the right people to speak with, as much as they loved Youngjae, both of them were absolutely straight and it would be better to talk to someone who had been into Youngjae's shoes before. “Come Youngjae, I will bring you to your room and make you some tea, is that okay?” Bambam grabbed his side and pulled Youngjae towards his room with a little force.

 

As they reached Youngjae's bed the younger fell on it, shoved the scarf into his nightstand drawer and made himself as small as he could, reflexively reaching for his plush otter only to cry even more. That was the last indication Bambam needed. He searched for Youngjae's phone and put his finger on the homebutton to unlock it. _(They all had their fingerprints saved in their flatmates phone, because of a disastrous incident with the delivery service)_

When the home screen appeared, Bambam wasted no time to look for Jinyoung's contacts and dial his number. After the fifth ring, Bambam was really worried at that point, Jinyoung picked up sounding a little out of breath. “Youngjae-ah? What's up?” Bambam looked at the phone before he held it back against his ear. “Hyung, here is Bambam, did you run or something.” Jinyoung laughed. “More or something. What can I do for you? Why do you call me from Jae's phone?”

 

“Something happened. Can you come over?”

 

 

 

After long fifteen minutes, Youngjae still didn't calm down and Bambam and Yugyeom were more than happy when Jinyoung finally arrived at there home. And if Jinyoung looked a little disheveled, with his hair and clothes out of place no one cared. “Where is he?” Bambam pointed in the direction of Youngjae's room and shoved the food Jackson brought into Jinyoung's hands. “Make sure that he at least eats something.”

 

A soft knock was placed on Youngjae's door, pulling him out of his haze. All his tears were shed and now only, small sobs and gasps were heard. “Yeah?” Youngjae asked weakly, while he sat up and wiped the tears out of his face with the sleeve of his sweater. Jinyoung opened the door, placed the food on the other's table and was on Youngjae's bed in a second, only to tug the other boy's body against his chest. When Youngjae felt Jinyoung's body next to his, he squeezed him as tightly as he could. And the tears, Youngjae thought were empty, just started all over again. For minutes silence arose between the two only to be disrupted by small, sad sounds Youngjae shared and Jinyoung's comforting _shhs._

Youngjae was glad Bambam had called Jinyoung over, he had not been so thankful for the other's presence as at this moment. The hand stroking his back slowly soothed his sadness and after a while Youngjae straightened up again. A little apologetic about the wet spot on Jinyoung's chest, Youngjae looked up only to see the other frown. “Want to tell me what happened?” Jinyoung slid a hand through Youngjae's hair. Youngjae only shook his head and nuzzled back against the Jinyoung's body. “Come on, Jae, I can't help you like this,” he felt how Jinyoung slowly loosened his arms around him and pushed him a little away to look at the black haired boy.

 

The other got up to take the food from Youngjae's table and placed it in front of him. “Eat first and then you can tell me how your mood dropped from 120% happy yesterday to this,” Jinyoung's hand pointed in his direction. Youngjae wanted to object, but the strict expression on Jinyoung's face let him shut his mouth and start eating the semi warm food. As soon as the flavor reached his taste buds, Youngjae felt lighter. The food tasted like home, not only nice but absolutely like the one he'd get in Mokpo. Only then did he realize that it was spicy fish soup and Jackson must have especially driven to a restaurant, which served such food. Youngjae started sobbing again. Jinyoung look bewildered. “What is it that awful? What did Bambam order?” Suddenly Youngjae placed the dish on his nightstand to look hastily for his phone. He was the worst person on the world, all focusing on himself again when Mark and Jackson were left in the dark.

 

_3 missed calls from Mark_

_5 missed calls from Jackson_

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Jae-ah, you got home safely?

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Otter, please tell when you're back from studying!

 

**Mark-Hyung:** We are really worried now, but you probably have your phone turned off. Just tell when you feel better please.

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Hope you like the food.  <3 It's apparently the best Mokpo restaurant in Seoul.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Jae?

 

 

That was hours ago and now it was, Youngjae looked at the time stamp, _11:13_ p.m., they must be really worried at this point. None of it was their fault, it was all on Youngjae and he had to carry the consequences alone.

 

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

**Youngjae:** Hyungs, I'm sorry. I forgot the time. I'm not feeling so well right now, but the food made it better. So thank you so much :) I think I'm getting sick.

 

 

Now he had the perfect excuse to keep a distance for a while, only until Youngjae has figured out how to get rid of his feelings. His phone was snatched right out of his hands and thrown on the bed. “You talk. Now!” Jinyoung looked a little worried and Youngjae couldn't blame him. He sighed. “Jinyoungie,” the other's frown washed away, when he heard the nick name, “can you promise, not to judge me when I ask you something?” The musical and theater major looked at him even more concerned. “Of course. I'm your friend. I'd probably even heard you out if you murdered someone, and if you had a really valid reason, I don't know...,” he trailed off.

 

“What would be a valid reason to murder someone?”

 

“I can definitely tell you five for Yugyeom,” Jinyoung answered, while keeping a straight face. Youngjae laughed shakily, the joke gave him a little courage to ask his question now. He gulped down the lump forming in his throat, sat down on his bed and motioned Jinyoung to do the same.

_Inhale.Exhale._

 

“What is it like to fall in love with the same sex?”

 

If the question threw Jinyoung off guard, it didn't show. It was quiet for a minute, before the other started speaking again. “Well, I've never felt attracted to a woman, so I can't tell for sure. But I think, the part where you fall in love with a person is exactly the same. It is terrifying yet amazing. You feel giddy and happy when you see them. You feel safe when you’re with them. You always think of them. You want to be there for them, just as much as they are for you. You get sad when they leave, even though you guys spent the entire day together. At least that's how I feel with Jaebum-Hyung. When he kisses me on a bad day, most of my worries seem irrelevant. He can literally turn the worst day into the best day ever. But,” Jinyoung hesitated for a moment, “when you ask this question, you probably already know the answer yourself.”

 

Then Jinyoung noticed that Youngjae had started crying again throughout his answer. He knelt down in front of him and took on of his hands into his own. “I know it is a lot to take in, but the world is not over, it will just keep turning like before. I am here for you, every step of the way.”

 

Youngjae lifted his head. “What will I tell my parents?” Jinyoung patted his thigh with his free hand. “One step at a time. Are you sure about your orientation? I mean you had girlfriends before, right? We all have that one crush for the other sex we are not attracted to.” Mirthless laugh was heard. “Jinyoung do you not think, I wish that was a phase? Yeah, I had girlfriends before. Two. One in middle school, which doesn't count, that was all hand holding and nothing more.” He breathed in deeply. “Jieun was the first and only real girlfriend, we kissed, we had sex. As much as you can have it as stupid, naïve 17 year old kids. It was nice, but I always felt like something was absent. I thought it was love that was missing, but it was more than this. Oh my god, what if my parents never talk to me again, when they find out? I would have nothing to return to, everyone would hate me.” Youngjae hid his face in the palms of his hands.

 

“Like I said. Slowly. First of all, you don't need to tell your parents if you're not ready. That is like the biggest step to take. Second you said, if I knew how it was to fall in love. So Youngjae-ah, you didn't even tell me who the happy person is? I hope they treat you how you deserve it.” Jinyoung stood up and pulled Youngjae back into his arms.

 

“I don't want this feelings. I never asked for them. They destroyed everything,” Youngjae said muffled into his hands. “Shh, I know it's hard. But we can't choose who we fall in love with. It can't be that bad, if it's the one destined for you.” Jinyoung pulled his hands away and gave Youngjae an encouraging smile. Youngjae wanted nothing more but to tell him, however he didn't even understand the feelings himself, how could he expect Jinyoung to get it? He was so scared that the other would find him repellent. It was now or never. “Two,” he said feeblish.

 

Jinyoung looked confused. “What do you mean?”

 

“You said the one destined for me. But it's two. I have feelings for two people, I think,” he tried to make out Jinyoung's thoughts, but his face didn't give anything away.

 

“You mean, like a love triangle and you don't know whom to choose?” Youngjae's face fell and he lost the slightest bit of confidence that was still left. Right, this was not _normal._ Being gay was one thing, being in love with two people at the same time was a whole other level. All he wanted to do was roll himself on the bed and wait until the feelings passed. “No,” he answered quietly and averted his eyes, not wanting to see Jinyoung's calculating look. “Jae, come on, I can't help if you don't explain. Like I said, I will listen to everything,” the boy gave Youngjae's hand a squeeze to go on.

 

“I, ehm, I haven't had the time to think about it myself, even though I guess I have those feelings for longer. But I only realized them this morning,” Youngjae tried to form his whirling mind into one straight line. He wasn't even sure what he wanted himself, Youngjae just knew he loved his Hyungs a little too much for his own good. “I like them both equally.”

 

“Well, hate to break it to you, but I guess in the end you have to choose, who you like more.” Jinyoung just didn't understand the main issue here. “Jinyoungie, they a- are a couple. Do you understand? I will be with none of them.” Jinyoung let go of his hand and Youngjae felt even worse than before. “What do you mean? They are a couple? Youngjae you can't force yourself into an existing relationship.” Jinyoung's voice became hard. “I don't want to,” he tried to argue back. “Believe me, if I had a voice in this, I would have never let this happen.” He felt so small and insignificant. It was quiet again, but Youngjae had a feeling that was merely the calm before the storm. This was the point were Jinyoung's tolerance ended,Youngjae felt left alone, but he couldn't judge him.

 

“So,” Jinyoung seemed to have found his voice again, “you mean you want to be engaging in a relationship with them both?” If the feelings in his dream meant anything, this was possibly the option his heart preferred most. But he would never ever tell Mark and Jackson anything about his abstruse and unessential feelings. He knew it was more than a stupid crush, one can easily forget. These feelings ran deeper, infested his body with desires that could only be cured with time. “Please, don't tell me it's Mark-Hyung and Jackson-Hyung,” the dark-brown haired boy looked at him disparagingly. “Youngjae...,” he warned. Somehow Youngjae hoped Jinyoung would understand the mess inside him, but he could understand where he was coming from. “Please don't do this to yourself.” The pity inside Jinyoung's eyes didn't help the black haired boy at all. “They are my friends as well. I was already wondering what Bambam meant yesterday evening. Look, they are the nicest people alive, I know that. They make it seem like your important to them and you probably are. But don't confuse their care for love, they'd do it for all of their friends.” Hello reality check. Jinyoung's words ripped right through him and left him wounded and bleeding.

 

Jinyoung stayed for a while longer, but the tension in the room was so sharp, it could cut one's throat easily. After a while the musical and theater major took his leave and Youngjae was thankful for being listened to even though the outcome of their conversation was not what Youngjae wanted to hear. Jinyoung's honesty was one of the traits Youngjae valued most, so he was at least grateful for his sincerity. After all Youngjae knew Jinyoung was right, he simply mistook their concern and kindness for something else. It still hurt.

 

~~  
~~

 

The days continued almost all the same. Youngjae was a little more than a week away from going home and as much as he anticipated his leave from Seoul, the harder it got to mostly ignore Mark and Jackson. He'd go to his seminars in the morning and to work when he was supposed to, but more than that he stayed inside his four walls. Jaebum came to his home to speak about his performance project, since Youngjae told Mark and Jackson he was down with the flue and only attended university for his attendance score. So he couldn't just walk around campus healthily meeting up with his adviser. Youngjae knew lying was the lowest he could do to his Hyungs, but if they knew the truth why he avoided them...No, that wasn't an option.

 

The time Youngjae was in his room, where either spent on studying, gaming or just lying in his bed, awaiting his feelings to fade. But how was he supposed to get over them? They send him get well texts and small anecdotes about their work on daily basis, they dropped off food for him, too, so he'd get better soon. Every time Bambam fed them his own lie and told them he slept, was in the bathroom or simply too sick to be seen at all, his body almost resisted to listen to his mind. There was nothing Youngjae wanted to do more than fall into Jackson and Mark's arms, but he knew what he felt wasn't right. And for once he didn't want to be a burden, not this time.

 

~~  
~~

 

 

It was Thursday night and Youngjae finished his shift for the day. He lay freshly showered on his bed, when a soft knock against his door appeared. Youngjae froze until he heard Bambam's voice. “Hyung can I come in?” And before Youngjae could answer, the door was opened and the _(at the moment)_ silver haired boy entered his room. Bambam sat next to Youngjae's body on the bed and put down a bunch of paper in front of Youngjae's face. “Hyung, you need to eat more and you need to go outside more.” Youngjae ignored him and wanted to grab the paper, when the other snatched his hand and made Youngjae look at him. “Youngjae-Hyung, I'm sick of lying to Mark-Hyung and Jackson-Hyung and I'm sick of you feeling like shit.”

 

“I don't know what you mean. I'm fine.” Bambam looked like he wanted to strangle him then and there. The other exhaled forcefully. “No you're not. Not before and especially not since the day Jinyoung-Hyung has been here. I thought it was the right move to call him, but it only got worse after that. I don't know what he told you, but apparently it didn't help at all.” Youngjae has never seen Bambam this angry. “No, Jinyoungie only opened my eyes to accept the truth. My feelings are not right.”

Youngjae knew Bambam was aware of his feelings. Bambam had realized them surely even before himself. The boy was smarter than most people gave him credit for, so Youngjae didn't even try to deny his feelings in front of him. “No, they are not. And you're not in this alone. Listen, Hyung, all you feel is okay. There is nothing wrong with it, especially not when Jackson-Hyung and Mark-Hyung feel the same for you. I've watched you all a lot of times and I am 100% sure,” Youngjae laughed bitterly, “and before you make this face. Read through this.” Bambam finally released his hands and pushed the papers over to Youngjae.

 

_Being in love with more than one person_

_Learning about polyamory_

_Establishing a polyamorous relationship_

 

Youngjae browsed through the papers and was more lost than before. “Take your time Hyung. No need to hurry, but be sure to think about it and don't underestimate the feelings of Mark-Hyung and Jackson-Hyung. Whatever Jinyoung-Hyung said about them, they have the same feelings for you. And before you mope around any longer, which we are all sick of. Gyeomi and I don't want to continue walking on eggshells. Yugyeom bring her in!”

Bambam called for the other younger boy and before Youngjae could ask what he meant, Yugyeom came inside with a bundle of white fur in his arms. “Since you don't take care of yourself, you need to learn how to act responsible. This little girl here needs a new home and will be yours from now on.” Yugyeom placed the dog on Youngjae's bed, who looked at his flatmates with wide eyes. “Are you crazy?” he almost shouted, immediately regretting it when the dog jerked at the sound.

He looked at her and something in his chest bloomed, the dog looked so cute, but he had no time or money to care for her. “And before you go on about how you have neither time and nor money, don't worry if you're prevented for any reason and can't walk her or something, we will do it. We also bought most of the stuff you need for her. But other than that it is your dog, so care for her well.” Youngjae didn't even pay attention anymore, as the little bundle waddled over his body and lay down on his lap. When his hand reached for her head, the little dog pushed it against his hand to welcome it. And after days the first real smile finally appeared on his face, forgetting his worries for a moment.

 

He simply noticed then that his roommates already left him alone. Youngjae pulled the dog to his chest, not wanting to think about how crazy Bambam and Yugyeom were, but they were right he needed to get better however that may be. He still couldn't believe what Bambam told him, but he couldn't ignore his heart. How it became lighter with the silver haired boy's words, how it wanted nothing more than to establish a so called polyamorous relationship. He believed Jinyoung more, but the smallest bit of hope was stronger than all the fear and doubt. Either way Youngjae couldn't face Jackson and Mark as the mess he was. He came to a decision.

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

**Youngjae:** Dear Hyungs, I know you have been worrying a lot and I'm sorry for ignoring you. But there is some stuff I need to sort out for myself. And no, there is nothing you can do. I need to do this on my own. There was a major change in my life recently and I want nothing more than to tell you. At the moment though all I ask of you is to give me some space. I know it's a lot to request since you don't even know what's going on, but I hope you can respect my wish.

 

 

And as strong as Youngjae wanted to be, he wasn't ready to finally call it off. He dug up the scarf, he had pushed to the furthest end in his drawer and inhaled Jackson's scent. This would be the closest he would get to Jackson in a while. At the same time, he was sad he had no piece of Mark. As soon as he hit the send button he pressed the little dog to his chest, and started crying into the scarf. The white bundle licked his hand to comfort him. And, even though that helped for a while, as soon as Mark's face lit up on his phone and Youngjae turned it around, he felt his heart break into multiple pieces. As he held the dog close, Youngjae was just glad he wasn't alone anymore.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 kudos <3 thank you so much! It really means a lot to me! *_*  
> To all the people who comment, the new ones and especially those, who take their time and comment every chapter. Thank you so much!!  
> All your lovely comments really keep me going. <33
> 
> So yeah, I feel really unsure about this chapter and struggled with it for a while and I know it's not as sweet as usually, but Youngjae eventually had to meet his true self. I hope you still like it. Ah and no hate on Jinyoung pls, it's a difficult situation, especially when you're no objective observer. It will get better! I wish you all a wonderful weekend and if you're (like me and I guess most) not at the GOT7 fanmeeting. Be strong! :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little different, but I still hope you will enjoy it. ❤

**[Part 1 - Bambam]**

 

_[One week before Christmas]_

 

Bambam was tired. Seeing one of his closest friends suffer made him feel just so exhausted. The dog Yugyeom and him found in a shelter station, when they walked home from dancing class, made Youngjae at least smile sometimes. Otherwise the boy reminded Bambam of the one he met years ago. A pensive and shy introverted person, who literally saved the silver haired boy's life.

 

In the first year Bambam stayed in Korea, he did nothing but work and study the language. Experiences of people laughing about his pronunciation made him stumble even more over words and grammar. Although he should have been used to the subtle harassment by one of their co-workers, on one day said co-worker took it a little to far and while Youngjae certainly never stood up for himself, he did take action for Bambam on that eventful day. When Bambam came to him later and wanted to thank him, Youngjae vehemently shook his head and apologized for their co-worker's behavior. Every Korean should be ashamed to act like that, Youngjae firmly stood his ground and Bambam felt nicely cared for, alone, in a foreign country.

 

After that Bambam and Youngjae looked that they would always share their shifts together getting closer and closer each day. And when Yugyeom started working at the store as well, Bambam felt finally home again. It was bad enough Bambam needed that long to have a fully blossomed friendship with Youngjae. So, he was not having any of it, he missed the bubbly laugh sounding through the flat when Yugyeom told a ridiculous joke. He missed the annoyingly loud sound of Youngjae's singing voice while he prepared a meal and of course the movie nights.

 

Bambam looked down on his watch and sighed when the door bell rang. Well, if that wasn't on time. Slowly he made his way towards the door and opened it, only to be met with Mark handing him a bag full with sweets and dinner. “You know, yours is also included,” Mark smiled at him, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. Bambam couldn't do anything but pity him and Jackson. He had talked relentlessly with Youngjae trying to convince him to give into his feelings and speak about them with Mark and Jackson, but the other always negated it.

 

Youngjae had explained, that he asked Jackson and Mark for space and the elders halfheartedly respected it, but they still brought food over since they thought Youngjae was not feeling well. Bambam hated lying to their faces, but there was literally nothing more he could do. “How is he doing?” Mark asked. Bambam hid a grimace before he put on a nontransparent face. “He gets better, but he's only leaving his room if he needs to.”

 

A sad expression washed over Mark's face. “Hyung, I wish I could help you, but I don't know how,” Bambam said grimly. Mark ruffled Bambam's hair. “No worries, Jackson and I have time.” They spoke a few more sentences about trivial things, before Mark took his leave. Bambam knew how much the older just wanted to push him aside and demand answers from Youngjae since Bambam knew for sure Youngjae avoided any subject concerning his love life or Mark and Jackson.

 

A slow pain ached at the side of his head, signaling him to go to bed early, and as much as he yearned for the comforting warmth of his bed, he still had to finish his essay about 'the purposes of different camera angles'. With a yawn he sat down at his writing table and opened up his laptop. The task at hand was clear, he still needed to narrow down his topic, which was easier said than done. He worked for a while, quietly writing definitions and trying to create different questions, looking which fitted the most, before he heard hectic shuffling and the front door being pulled shut.

 

It took him two seconds, before Bambam was up on his feet and storming into the living room looking for any indication what just happened. But he was only met with Yugyeom's sleepy face, the younger certainly rose due to the noise. So if it wasn't Bambam nor Yugyeom, Youngjae had to be the one responsible for the disturbance. Bambam went to his room and knocked. _Once...Twice._ But no one answered.

 

Cautiously Bambam opened the door, expecting Youngjae to sit in front of his computer, both ears covered by the black-blue headset, which shielded him from outer sounds. What Bambam found instead was an empty room. Youngjae's closet was halfway open, a white shirt dangerously close to sliding off it's hanger. Yugyeom, who stood next to Bambam took the sight in, realizing more things were missing among clothing, the boy and his dog themselves.

 

They went into the kitchen, where Yugyeom noticed a white sheet of paper sitting on the dark wooden dining table, creating a huge contrast in color. The silver haired boy picked it up and couldn't believe his eyes.

 

_My mom fell and is unable to work for a few days. I need to help out,_

_especially during this time of a year._

_Enjoy your holidays with your family! (bring me something from Thailand Bam)_

_Don't worry about me, I'll be fine._

_Youngjae & Coco_

 

If the headache which made itself felt in the early evening wasn't strong, it now hit with full force. Bambam just hoped the boy would be okay and no matter if he was older or not, there was just no way not to worry about Youngjae's pure soul. He wished Youngjae's mother would heal fast and Youngjae had the decency to tell Jackson and Mark, otherwise tomorrow evening would be undoubtedly awful. A glass of water was poured and an aspirin dumped into it. Unfortunately Bambam was a light sleeper and with the worry of Youngjae he already knew that the night would be young. Yugyeom gave his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze before the other returned to his room.

 

For a while Bambam leaned onto the kitchen counter, resignedly drinking his water. The silence which lay upon the apartment was not the usual, satisfied one, which occurred when they returned to their rooms after a frisky dinner, _no._ This silence was heavy and depressing. Bambam could just hope that the new year would start blithely and without any worry from past events. As much as he wanted this to happen, he also knew, it was out of his reach and there were only three people to make it better. He gulped down the rest of the water in his glass and with socked feet he made his way to the bedroom.

 

 

 

**[Part 2 - Jackson]**

 

_[24 th of Dec. – Christmas Eve]_

 

Jackson was devastated. Normally winter was his all time favorite season. December was a whole month filled with love. Mark had brought him the taste of turning their apartment into a winter wonderland, the fulfilling feeling of gifting and receiving gifts in return and just being surrounded by so much joy, love and thankfulness.

 

Before Jackson knew Mark, he didn't even spend a single thought on Christmas. Both his parents had to work and most of the times, he had competitions during those western holidays. So, the first real Christmas he celebrated was with Mark. They didn't live together at that point, but Jackson stayed over at Mark's place on Christmas Eve. He was woken up by an antsy and happy Mark, dragging a sleep drunken Jackson to the kitchen where a small plastic tree stood with a present beneath it.

 

Jackson had been so confused, since normally their roles were absolutely reversed. The world could end and Mark wouldn't leave his bed, most notably not that early in the morning and Jackson had to do a lot of convincing to wake him up. But Christmas morning was different.

He felt bad for not having a gift in return, but Mark ensured him that presents should certainly not be given only to get something in return and his gift came from the heart anyway.

 

In their relationship Jackson always held more part in being romantic or creating a certain atmosphere, but Mark's present was so heartwarming and real, Jackson had felt delighted for days. The box was filled with a simple key and Mark looked at him asking Jackson if he wanted to move in, and who was Jackson to deny this.

 

So Jackson had pretty amazing memories and special feelings around this season, but these emotions were shattered a few days ago. First of all Youngjae had asked Mark and Jackson for space and three days ago, when Jackson was about to drop off the food for Youngjae, Bambam reported to him that the black haired boy had been gone for a few days without telling anyone. With worried voices Yugyeom and Bambam told him, that Youngjae's mother had fallen and was unable to work and as much as he respected Youngjae's wish for non-communication, it was never that hard to accept what the younger wished for. Jackson and Mark accustomed themselves to be there for Youngjae because the boy deserved everything. At the moment though both their hands were tied and they were left in the dark at the youngest mercy to let them see light again.

 

The whole Youngjae – situation had been _scary_ and Mark and him had discussed the issue a lot. Jackson knew he was a person to be involved quickly and give out his love to anyone who was worthy to receive it, _platonically._ Mark had always been different and even though Jackson had girlfriends before, the feelings were never on the same level as the one he had reserved for Mark, and Mark alone. He loved Mark with every fiber of his whole being, with Mark there was home. So, when this squishy boy fell asleep on his shoulder and he looked so soft that Jackson couldn't possibly shove him away, he should have questioned himself. After the boy woke up and blushed so prettily, Jackson had been entranced and he couldn't disclaim his heartbeat picking up. 

 

As a person with light flight anxieties, there had never been a time before, where the man wished the plane would fly forever, otherwise fearing not to see this stunning boy again. Because Youngjae turned out to be just as beautiful from the inside as his outward appearance. Luckily Mark had been just as fascinated by Youngjae and was all for keeping in touch and meeting each other again.

 

After the terrible fights Mark and Jackson had concerning Jackson's ex girlfriends, honesty was a priority in their relationship. One can certainly not ever know all parts of a human being, but Jackson was sure he knew almost everything about Mark and vice versa. Pride always flooded his body when he thought about the trust established between them both. But with Youngjae in the picture the confidence and faith gradient shifted, and it had terrified him,  _them._

 

Right now they were on the same page, but that had costed them both to reevaluate their relationship with an unknown outcome. Mark and Jackson had tiptoed around the topic for a few days, not knowing what was actually happening to the both of them, but neither could deny the feeling of being thoroughly complete, whenever they saw and met up with Youngjae. Neither of them knew something had been missing until the soft and kind boy stepped into their life, illuminating it with just a simple smile.

 

And at some point Jackson had been sure they all sailed in the same direction even Youngjae, the sweet boy was a little transparent with his feelings. Or so he thought. He went through all the possible moments it had felt like it was too much for Youngjae or were they moved too fast. Normally small smiles, cute blushes and shy touches told him all about Youngjae's feelings, but at the moment where Youngjae avoided them, he thought that he maybe interpreted it all the wrong way and his imagination just played into his hands, showing him what he craved for most.

 

Jackson cursed at the driver in front of him, as he was on the way to Youngjae's apartment. Despite the fact that the younger asked for space, the Christmas present, which would be delivered today, had already been ordered weeks ago. Fortunately they had informed Bambam and the silver haired boy gave them a key beforehand, otherwise it would have been a hassle to transport it back to their own flat. To catch the postman, Jackson had arranged an exact time for the package to be dropped off, so there was no chance to miss it.

 

Jackson parked Mark's black BMW in front of the apartment building, waiting for the familiar red and white of the newly adapted electronic post transporters. On time the car pulled up in front of the building and Jackson quickly left his own. Jackson had been smart enough to call the mail-administration-center to inform them of him signing off the acceptance of the package, since _unfortunately_ the original recipient was prevented for certain reasons. The woman on the phone almost wanted to tell him no, so he made her look into the invoice, where his name could be found. 

 

The small postman reached for the huge package inside his transporter and tried to lift it, with a huff he let go of the one corner and before he could come up with a smart plan, Jackson was already there helping him out. “My name is Wang, Jackson. I called this morning to make sure the package for Choi Youngjae could be also accepted by me.” The driver eyed him disbelievingly. Huffing once more he shook his head, before he scanned the code on the cartons and gave Jackson the electronic device to sign. With quick motions Jackson signed and gave the machine back to its owner, then grabbed the three packages the driver pointed to and heaved the two big and one small boxes carefully out of the car.

 

The postman was an outward reflection of Jackson's inner tumult, but Jackson couldn't resent him, driving packages around on this certain day to all the people trying to express their loves through gifts. Jackson almost laughed bitterly at his own thoughts. One by one he carried the packets to Youngjae's apartment. They arrived as planned, but originally Youngjae should be the one to open them himself, so Jackson and Mark could just concentrate on the happy features, the endearing smile and the thankful eyes. With a small sigh Jackson opened up the flat only to be met with a cold and empty room. He carried all the three boxes into Youngjae's room before he looked around and saw a rose basket right next to Youngjae's bed, two toys lay next to the basket.

 

Since when did Youngjae have a dog? Or was he just looking after one for an other person?

 

After looking around for a while, since being in Youngjae's room was the closest he was to the other in two weeks, he saw a dark blue scarf of wool decorating the otter plushie next to Youngjae's pillow. The beat of his heart stopped for a millisecond, only to increase it's frequency. With shaky hands he reached for the soft piece of fabric. _It was his._ It was definitely his, the scarf he gave to Youngjae during his midterm phase. Jackson couldn't help the endorphines rushing through his body. This had to mean _something._ This meant Youngjae was still thinking about them at least this is what Jackson hoped for and needed. The mere thought of Youngjae lying on his bed with Jackson's scarf next to him, it made the older giddy. 

 

He slapped his thighs and stood up to get to work. They had time, they could wait for Youngjae. As long as they knew, the other did still want them in his life, Jackson could be the most patient person. Now in a clearly better mood, he started to unpack the boxes. As soon as he was finished building up Youngjae's Christmas present, he placed the card from Mark and him on top of it and made his way out of the door. When he left, Jackson dropped the keys in the mailbox and went to the car. He couldn't wait for Mark to come home from work tonight, so he could share the info about the very interpretative scarf. But right now they needed  _hope_ . 

 

 

 

**[Part 3 - Jinyoung]**

 

_[28 th of December]_

 

“Mistletoe,” Jinyoung said happily, when Jaebum and him stood in front of Jackson and Mark's apartment. “I know that worked the last two years, but this time I actually checked before I stood in front of there door and if you look up, Babe, this year there is no mistletoe,” Jaebum answered just as happy when he realized this year he could just skirt around the tradition of stupid mistletoe kisses. Jinyoung's whole demeanor changed instantly, as he looked up and noticed the absence of said mistletoe himself. “Do I still get my kiss?” He pouted. Jaebum gave in quickly and pecked his lips. “But only because it's you.”

 

“That's what I hope for,” Jinyoung laughed, before he glanced upwards again. Mark and Jackson loved Christmas and every American cliché it came along with. So the mistletoe was one of Jinyoung's favorite when they visited after the holidays. Normally they'd always leave it hanging until the beginning of January, Jinyoung got a little worried. Jaebum pressed the bell and after a while a tired and drowsy Jackson opened the door.

 

“Did you sleep until now, Hyung?” Jinyoung asked at the same time as Jackson asked them what they were doing at their place at such an hour. “But we spoke about it just last week and we always come over on the 28th to have our belated Christmas breakfast,” Jinyoung couldn't believe they had forgotten them. Jackson just grunted and opened the door wider so the other two could step through the entrance. “Wow, merry belated Christmas to you, too. You're even worse than grumpy here next to me.” This earned Jinyoung just a 'hey' and a grim look from his boyfriend.

 

“Where is Mark-Hyung?” Jinyoung looked around curiously. He heard how Jackson went to the kitchen and started the coffee machine. “He is still asleep, work was awful the last few days. So please be a little more quiet.” Jaebum made his way towards the sound of the coffee machine, leaving Jinyoung alone in the living room.

 

Normally the whole apartment would be radiating in a sparkling red, a warm green and a majestic gold, but all there was to find now was a poor excuse of a Christmas tree – undecorated. It lay next to the television waiting to be transported outside. Everything else was gone. Other than the tree, there was no indication the 'festival of love' had taken place just a few days before. This matched the missing mistletoe.

 

Brows sown together, Jinyoung followed Jackson and his boyfriend to the kitchen, taking a seat right next to Jaebum. “Hyung, what happened? Were you robbed of all your decorations?” Jinyoung tried to lighten up the mood, but all it earned him was a quick view from Jackson before the other turned back to his cup of coffee. “We had it up for the festive days, but took it down after they ended. We were not that much in the mood to celebrate.” His answer shocked Jinyoung, but before he could ask for the reason Jackson continued. “Mark is working a lot these days, his work is a bitch, so I am happy when he finally has days off and can sleep a little. Believe me an overly exploited Mark is not something anyone wants to deal with.” The older took another sip of his coffee.

 

It sounded reasonable, but Jinyoung couldn't shake the feeling that it was only half of the story, he had to ask again at a later date. Jackson began to set the table, so they could start eating. Jinyoung was not in the slightest surprised when his boyfriend immediately got up to help get the food ready. Food was his main drive anyway. After thirty minutes of quiet preparation, soft padding noises were heard and a sleepy Mark appeared, rubbing the sleep out of his right eye. Jackson came forward and hugged the other male tightly. Jinyoung was happy to see that the Christmas decoration debacle wasn't because of their relationship, it seemed as close as always, when Jackson took Mark's head in his hands and kissed both eyelids softly.

 

“Babe, you worked until five, you can still sleep. It's only half past nine. Please go back to bed, it's your only day off for the next two weeks,” Jackson almost whined. Mark yawned, but shook his head. “It's fine, you know I am a light sleeper. I was half asleep after the door bell rang and couldn't get back into a deep slumber.” Jinyoung felt a little bad for being the one to disturb his Hyung's well deserved time to rest. “Sorry, Mark-Hyung,” he put his hands together in an apologetic gesture. The elder only waved it aside. “It's fine, I'm sorry we forgot you'd come today.”

 

The four of them sat down to eat their breakfast. Jackson only poked his scrambled eggs with his fork, while Mark looked like he would fall asleep over his eggs sunny side up any minute. First the decorations, then Jackson's halfhearted excuse and now the silence. Everything didn't add up and Jinyoung was extremely alert. He shot a careful glance at his boyfriend, but Jaebum didn't seem like he noticed anything as he contently shoved a spoon full of rice into his mouth making him look like a soft teddy bear with his puffed cheeks. His boyfriend had no idea how cute he could be, but his focus shifted as soon as Mark got up to place his half eaten breakfast next to the sink.

 

With weary motions Mark poured himself an other cup of coffee and sat down again. “So Hyungs, what did you crazy people gifted each other this year?” That was the first genuine smile Jinyoung saw, when Mark and Jackson met their gazes, before these turned sour again. “Well, I had a recommendation from one of my clients for these beautiful hot springs and instead of giving each other gifts we wanted to go on a weekend trip as soon as Mark and I are both free. But well,” Jackson looked for the right words, “I already made the reservations and all, but our original plans changed. It doesn't matter. We will see,” he finished with more cryptic words for Jinyoung to decipher. There was no way, he could hold his tongue in check and before he ruined the mood even more, Jinyoung excused himself to the bathroom.

 

As soon as he reached the bathroom, Jinyoung looked for the snowman toilet cover, but like the rest of the flat the bathroom was in its normal state, appearing rather unembellished. Then he spotted a trace of yellow adorning a hand toothbrush and a third mug. Jinyoung's left eyebrow shot up, but he spent no further thought. Probably just a friend staying over and they forgot their toothbrush at Mark and Jackson's place. After he was finished and washed his hands, he oddly viewed the toothbrush one more time, before he left the bathroom and returned to the kitchen. There was still stillness lying over the kitchen, but this time Jinyoung was determined to break it, stay another polite hour and then let Mark and Jackson mope around for whatever reason. If they didn't want to talk about what was bothering them, Jinyoung couldn't help.

 

 

“Hyung,” all three men rose their head at the word, but Jinyoung didn't pay attention to that and sat down at the kitchen table again. “Whom did you have over?” Mark and Jackson looked confused. “No one, why do you ask?” Mark answered a little more awake than before. “There is another third set of oral hygiene products in your bathroom. So I just assumed somebody was here the last days and forgot it or something.” Jackson's smile faded. “Oh no, that's just our little otter's- I mean Youngjae's toothbrush.”

 

Jaebum, who seemed to have finally found some interest in the conversation, looked up. “Youngjae, as the one I advise?” Mark nodded. “Oh right, I remember the first time I met him you were also there, Jackson-Hyung. But I never knew you were that close friends. How is he? I hope his mother is doing better, we originally hat two appointments scheduled the week before Christmas, but it should be fine. He is such a good student and his performance project is coming along so nicely,” Jinyoung perked up at Youngjae's mother being mentioned. There was almost radio silence after their last talk, since the _merry Christmas_ text probably didn't count as improvement after their last argument. 

 

It wasn't an argument per se, it had been more of a monologue, where Jinyoung trashed everything Youngjae confided in him. Part of the quietness on Jinyoung's part was because he felt so ashamed. He certainly still couldn't understand Youngjae's second part of the confession, but the boy most likely felt scared enough without Jinyoung telling him what was right and wrong.

 

“Jinyoung, didn't he tell you something?”

 

Jinyoung looked up only to be met with three quizzical looks. “No, sorry. I didn't even know his mother was not well,” he said while nervously playing with his hands. “What do you mean, you didn't know? Aren't you one of his closest friends here in Seoul? He always seemed so happy, when he told us about your meetings,” Jinyoung wished Mark and Jackson wouldn't look at him like that. “Well, technically yes. But we had, ehm, a different opinion concerning a special topic. And then we kind of fought or so I think. Anyhow there has not been a time to clear up our discussion,” that sounded smooth enough, without giving anything away. “And what were you fighting about? You didn't even tell me,” Jaebum said.

 

“Is that an interrogation? It was private and absolutely not my part to tell any of you,” he felt corned. “And actually you,” he looked at the two man in front of him, “knew him longer than I do. Why don't you know? You're his most trusted persons,” that was close, Jinyoung bit his tongue. The color which had just found its way to Mark's cheeks, disappeared immediately, while Jackson's whole body froze only moving when he pressed the home button on his phone. And when Jinyoung caught a glimpse of his background, he almost thought his mind wanted to try tricks on him. There were two people on the picture, with one sleeping on the other's shoulder. At first Jinyoung thought it was a picture of Mark and Jackson, but the hair color of the sleeping person was black, and Jinyoung would recognize that pouty, cute face everywhere.

 

“I think it's best if you leave now. Mark should still catch some hours of sleep and I think I should,too,” Jackson said with a non readable expression. Jaebum pushed the last piece of cake into his mouth and then rose to his feet. “That's fine, Hyung. Come on Jinyoungie.” And before Jinyoung could blink twice, he was pulled towards the door and signaled to put on his shoes. They waved at Jackson and Mark, before they took their leave.

 

When they stood outside, Jinyoung looked back at the door. “Were we just kicked out?” Jaebum chuckled. “I guess, you hit a nerve.” But all Jinyoung wondered, why Jackson would have a picture of Mark and Youngjae as his lock screen.

 

 

 

**[Part 4 – Mark]**

 

_[31 st of Dec – New Year's Eve]_

 

 

Mark straightened his black tuxedo once more, before he turned towards Jackson only to admire his boyfriend's thighs, tightly hugged by the gray dress pants. Jackson's parents had invited them to their annual New Year's party, so yesterday evening they took a flight to Hong Kong. And even though Mark had to fly back again tomorrow afternoon because of work, he knew Jackson always missed his family, so if a little less sleep could make Jackson happy, that was fine with Mark.

 

“Why do my parents make formal attire an obligation, when only close friends and family are invited to the party?” Jackson mumbled, while binding his dark blue necktie. Mark only snickered. “Well, maybe it's considered friends and family, but there will still be three-hundred people attending it. Your family seems rather big.” This is what the both of them had needed, something to take their mind of the situation at home. Something to make them focus on the both of them, as a couple. However the situation with Youngjae would evolve, they needed to make sure the love for each other was present and cherished. The last few months had been difficult on their relationship, and as soon as Mark ultimately approached the topic he had felt nothing but sheer _horror_. Mark wasn't entirely sure about Jackson's own feelings, the other had always been a tactile person, that was one of the things Mark loved about him.

 

But this certain trait could also be confusing and misleading. It had led to several conversations, where Mark had to be reassured, that Jackson just didn't go on and caught feelings for a different person. How ironic, that he was the one to tell Jackson about his attraction for their younger friend. Against Mark's greatest fear, Jackson had felt the same kind of attraction and from there on their relationship slowly shifted. Mark could say though, he had never felt closer to Jackson as in the last weeks.

 

“Come on, Babe. Stop daydreaming, we are already late,” Jackson pulled Mark along with him. “You, in those pants always make me daydream,” Mark answered smugly, which only led to Jackson breaking out into laughter. “Good to know,” Jackson said, while winking at Mark.

 

The drive to the mansion, where the party took place, was chaotically. They had ordered a taxi yesterday already with wise foresight concerning the upcoming day. Only two different people had tried to steal their taxi, before Mark and Jackson settled down into the seats of the red car. The driver already had the address typed into his navigation system and pulled the car back onto the streets. Due to the excessive traffic, it took over forty minutes to reach their preferred destination. Taxis were crowding the streets, sending people across the city to step into the new year with their loved ones.

 

To Mark's dismay they missed the opening of the buffet, being an hour to late. But hopefully there was still enough left to feed his nagging stomach. Jackson held his hand through the whole drive, only to open the door for him when they arrived and pulling him inside, excited to meet his parents after such a long time. Mark could see the love stirring in Jackson's eyes as he spotted his mother and father. When they were done hugging and kissing Jackson, Mark received almost the same treatment. From the first moment Jackson introduced him to his family, he had felt wanted and loved by both of them and Mark hoped Jackson felt the same with his family.

 

He excused himself to get Jackson and himself something to drink. While he waited, the red haired man took out his phone scrolled through his instagram feed, he saw a picture of Bambam posing in front of a lake. The weather was a reason to be envious of Bambam at the moment. Mark would love to go bathing, have a sea day with Jackson and Youngjae. Of course, Mark didn't want to be considered a stalker, but he couldn't just close his SNS without checking Youngjae's profile, but there was no update. All he wished for was some sign, how the younger was, if he was eating all right, if his mother was well. There were just so many worries the elder had, soon he would probably go crazy, if they didn't hear anything.

 

His stream of thoughts were broken, when the two champagne glasses were placed in front of him and Mark made his way back to Jackson, who was now engaged in a conversation with his sister-in-law, but soon crouched down to be on eye level with his niece. Mark knew, Jackson loved his niece so dearly that it was unfortunate he only saw her once or twice a year. “Babe, here is your glass,” he handed Jackson the champagne and turned towards Jackson's sister-in-law. “Serena hi, how are you?” Mark asked the woman politely. He had to admit, Mark was not her biggest fan, mostly because of her behavior. Mark had been gifted with understanding friends and family almost everywhere, whether in Seoul or back home in the States. The first time he had been confronted with _the look_ it had been a young man on the bus in LA. And after that Mark had shied away from any to intimate touches in public, leading to his first break up. 

 

So, when Jackson had introduced Mark as his boyfriend years ago, he had seen the same look of distaste in Serena's eyes. And while Jackson just ignored it, Mark was more sensitive always feeling taken back to that unsure, odd eighteen years old. Luckily her husband came and whisked his family away to meet some other friends, but not before pulling Mark and Jackson into close hugs. After they were gone, Mark persuaded Jackson to make a detour to the buffet before meeting more family and friends. 

 

Luckily the buffet was still half filled, almost all dishes were still being present. Only the truffle pasta was gone to Mark's dismay. The little hamburgers could make up for it, though. “It will take days to get rid of the calories again,” Jackson whined next to him, but contradicting his words, he piled dish after dish on his plate. “Fortunately you work in a fitness studio and always train with your clients. You won't even notice this few calories, before they are gone again,” Mark replied with a grin on his face.

 

They sat down on one of the tables in the corner, aside from the crowd. Mark relaxed into his chair after he finished his dish, only to be met with an excited Jackson sprinting back from the dessert table. The other placed several mini cakes and cremés in front of him. “You couldn't chose?” Mark asked knowingly. “We spend to much time together,” Jackson grumbled between bites of the strawberry cake. Mark felt light, it had been days since he saw Jackson this sprightly, the worries had taken a toll on Jackson's beautiful face, leaving dark shadows under his eyes. The red haired man brought a hand towards Jackson's face and cupped his cheek, before he placed a light kiss on his lips.

 

Jackson stopped chewing to look at Mark with a surprised face. “What was that for?”

 

“Can't I kiss my boyfriend?”

 

“Sure, do it again.”

 

“But only when you swallow.”

 

“Kinky,” Jackson smirked before he swallowed the rest of his food and dove right back in to catch Mark's lips with his own. They exchanged little words between their kisses, full of love until the music changed to a slower song and Jackson pulled Mark along to share a dance. Jackson's hands wandered to Mark's waist and slowly began to rock right and left. After a while Mark lay his head on Jackson's shoulder and let himself be swayed over the dance floor. The so well known scent radiation from Jackson, a mix of his perfume and a note which was purely Jackson, soothed him. This was _home_ , this was it. But he was still bound to think about Youngjae only seconds after this very moment. “I miss him,” he mouthed quietly against Jackson's neck. The grip around his waist tightened. “You know I do, too, Baby. I wish, he was here with us right now. It would be a dream to take both of you on a tour through Hong Kong,” Jackson said lost in reverie. A smile broke on Mark's face when he envisioned them. Jackson would pull them from street to street, trying to show everything at once and leaving the other two annoyed and out of breath. To brighten the mood, he would tell a horrible joke and nothing but Youngjae's laugh could be heard then, before the youngest would place his head exhausted on Mark's shoulder, like he always did. 

 

The music shuffled, indicating a faster song and breaking Mark out of another daydream. They left the dance floor again to mingle. The peak of the evening approached fast and before Mark could comprehend it, he was outside with a glass in his right hand and his left tightly secured around Jackson's waist counting down to welcome the new year. The couple shared another look, before the mass started to scream  _happy new year_ and all Mark could do was trace his fingers through Jackson's hair and pull him in for another kiss. 

 

“Happy New Year, Jackson,” he whispered, only to be met with the same words from Jackson. They shared one, two, three more kisses, until Jackson's parents found them and the chain of congratulations reached them. 

 

Later that night, Jackson stood on the balcony with Mark back-hugging him. “Do you think,” the elder started. Mark hummed to show him that he was listening to his words. “Do you think, we can send a new year's wish?” That's what Mark wanted to do as well. Jackson pulled out his phone and opened his front camera. He put a filter over them and pressed the button to catch the moment on his phone. 

 

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

[Jackson send a picture]

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Otter, we hope you are doing fine and your family is healthy as well. We wish you a happy New Year!

 

 

 

**[Part 5 - Coco]**

 

_[Seoul – Mokpo – Seoul]_

 

 

Coco loved her new owner. The soft, squishy boy had been nothing but sweet to her. So she had felt sad, seeing her owner cry most of the time, only happy when he was out with her on a walk or playing with her and the new squeaky chicken. Excitement had flown through Coco's body when they went on a trip and ended up at Youngjae's parents house. Youngjae took her to the beach on the first day, where she ran around freely chasing seagulls, only to be chased by them in return. Youngjae's mother was nice, always sneaking a treat to her, when Youngjae wasn't looking and Youngjae's dad always tickled the fur behind her ears. Coco loved that. She had never seen Youngjae this content. But after the first day she saw Youngjae only in the late evenings and early mornings, mostly staying at home with Youngjae's mother who couldn't do much.

 

After a week Youngjae's mother could move fully again, making Youngjae stay home with Coco. They took a few trips to the beach and some to the restaurant of Youngjae's parents, where Coco was only allowed in if she was a good girl. On some days Youngjae still had to help out, leaving the dog all alone, waiting for anybody to come home and play with her.

 

Youngjae wasn't that sad as he has been before, but whenever nobody was watching, Youngjae pulled out his phone and looked at it. Until Coco had the idea to climb into his lap to distract her owner. The boy would then caress her fur warmly and place a kiss on her ear. “You don't mind if I'm gay, do you Coco?” Youngjae talked to her, “I think my parents will mind though. But I can't hide it any longer, every minute feels like I will just scream it at them. Do you think it's stupid to want your parents to know everything about you?” Coco could only answer with a small _woof_ , before Youngjae placed her down and went to his piano, working on the same thing, he always worked on late in the evening. 

 

The next day, the family sat in the kitchen, eating their dinner. Coco waited for the family to finish, so she could leave her basket again. It was unfair she had to lie at the end of the kitchen, while the rest sat together around a table, Coco could also sit on that table and join them. Youngjae's brother came to visit for the next few days. The white dog liked him, he was just like Youngjae. Yesterday Youngjae had talked to his brother for a long while, but Coco was tired and only listened to the first few minutes, before she fell asleep in Youngjae's lap. “Are we open tomorrow?” Youngjae's brother looked at his parents, who just shook their heads. “Of course we are and yes when you're here you have to help,” his father answered with a chuckle. Youngjae patted his brother's back sympathetically. “You as well Youngjae,” his father said, but Youngjae just nodded, this was what he came for anyway.

 

Coco saw the boy's body go rigid, before he squirmed on his chair, relocating the weight from one side to the other. “Can I tell you something?” he finally asked. His parents stopped clearing the table and looked at Youngjae. “Of course boy, what is wrong?” His father asked taking his seat in front of Youngjae again, his mother followed the motion. “Well nothing is directly wrong,” his brother held his hand and squeezed it. “I think,” he took a deep breath, “no, I know, I'm gay.” The kitchen was dead silent, not even Coco wanted to move, reading the atmosphere carefully.

 

The first to move was Youngjae's mother, with a jarring sound pushing her chair aside, before she left the room. “Eomma,” it wasn't even Youngjae, but his brother calling for their mother. Youngjae's father was still quietly scanning Youngjae's face, which was now directed towards the ground, as he bit his lip to hold in his tears collecting at the brim of his eyes. “Son, look at me,” and Youngjae's face immediately shot up, looking fearful, while his brother looked alarmed. “Are you sure?” Youngjae nodded and looked down again. “I said look at me,” the father's voice was full of dominance, letting Coco twitch. “Appa,” Youngjae's brother started, before the dad lifted a hand to shut him up. “Youngjae, we love you no matter what, do you understand that?” And Coco couldn't even look fast enough, before Youngjae's resolve finally cracked and he started crying. His brother pulled him into a tight hug, letting the boy wet his shoulder how he wanted. “You sounded like you wanted to disown him, don't scare him like that,” Youngjae's brother shot his father a serious look. “Oh no, Youngjae listen, nothing is wrong, we love you. This will not change okay?” Youngjae took the face of his brother's shoulder to look at his father, before he stood up and crashed into his father's arms.

 

Coco finally made her way towards the people, only to be lifted up by Youngjae and squished to his chest. “But,” Youngjae's father sounded again. “I think it's best if you go back to Seoul tomorrow morning, leave her a little space okay. Your mother will need time, but she loves you Youngjae okay?”

 

And before Coco could blink, she found herself back in the flat they had left only days ago.

When Youngjae opened the door to his room, he shrieked, there was a brand new E-piano standing inside his room, with a little card placed on it. “Merry Christmas Otter, whenever you are ready to talk, we will be here for you. Mark & Jackson,” Youngjae read out aloud, before he sank down in front of the piano and started to chew on his lips. Coco saw Youngjae pulling out his phone, only to slide it back into his pocket and leave the room to go grocery shopping.

 

Youngjae cooked a nice meal for himself and gave a little bit of it to Coco as to celebrate. What he celebrated Coco didn't know, until the evening. When all the lights went off and the loud sounds of growling were heard all over the city. He watched the lights from Youngjae's bed, slowly dying down, but scared to death as the phone next to her went off. Youngjae, who lay on the bed, but wasn't watching the lights outside, but rather the black beauty shining inside, grabbed for the phone and dropped it immediately, as he looked at it.

 

Coco, saw an odd expression on Youngjae's face, the same he had, every time someone rang their bell, a mix between sorrow and hope. Even occurring, when the boy had entered his room today. Youngjae took the phone once more and after a few seconds, Coco heard a warm laugh, slowly turning into hiccups, before Youngjae started fully crying pressing his face into the otter and the blue scarf. Maybe they should go on another trip, Coco wondered, the apartment seemed to make Youngjae sad.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you enjoyed this little different kind of chapter. I think it was time to see other perspectives. ^^   
> Anyway thank you so much for those who take their time to read and comment, who send kudos or bookmark this story. Your support and thoughts make me really happy. So thank you <3 
> 
> I hope all of you will enjoy Got7's comeback, I certainly did not enjoy Jaebum's hairstyle, but oh well ^^  
> All of you please stay healthy and take care of yourself! ❤


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the lovely @bee7. I hope this gives you some happiness ❤

“Calm down please, your project will be just fine. We have been working on it the last week straight. Don't you trust me?” Jaebum smiled at him. And it wasn't like Youngjae didn't trust Jaebum, he just didn't trust himself. “Listen, you have to stop holding yourself back. Give your all, and if you still fail, bad luck, but you don't have to trouble yourself with 'what ifs',” Jaebum sounded again, this time in a more serious tone. “We have worked on this for weeks now and don't you think I would have told you, that your composition and your arrangement were no good, if they were?” His voice slowly sounded offended and the last thing Youngjae wanted was to disgruntle his own adviser.

 

“No, Jaebum-Hyung, you are right.” There had been a change in relationship between them, Jaebum had offered him to be more comfortable with each other and call him hyung, instead of sticking to the formal ending. Youngjae appreciated it. It made him more relaxed around Jaebum, feeling less pressured to live up to the other's expectations and let him speak more freely, when he wanted to voice his own opinion. The older had even done him a favor and met up everyday since Youngjae had returned to Seoul.

 

After the defining events during the winter break, Youngjae finally found it in him to get back to writing the lyrics. Inside him were endless emotions – confusing and suffocating. He channeled them and let all his feelings flow into the lyrics of the performance project. Immediately after he finished writing them sixteen hours nonstop, he didn't even read through them, but forwarded them to Jaebum.

 

There was no way he could have read them, instantly go through all those feelings again. Seeing them in written form now that he had to work with them, always put him in a frenzy of happiness and dread at the same time.

 

“Hyung, I think I'm afraid,” Youngjae stated and looked at Jaebum with a frightened expression. Jaebum patted his back. “I just know, you will do great. Jinyoungie said the same.” Youngjae's breathing stopped. He didn't know how to react to this information. When Youngjae revealed his feelings to Jinyoung, the other was really opposed to it and Youngjae thought that certainly created a deep crack in their friendship. The thing was, Youngjae couldn't even be that angry with Jinyoung.

 

In fact, the weight of his own secret was probably burdensome and it was pure selfishness Youngjae had told him to begin with. So, it was a surprise Jaebum and Jinyoung still talked about him. Youngjae thought for sure, Jinyoung wouldn't spare him another thought. “Thanks, Hyung,” Youngjae was grateful. Jaebum had been nothing but supportive and it gave Youngjae a little pride and strength.

 

“I have to go now. Coco is probably waiting to be taken for a walk,” Youngjae left with those words and pulled his jacket closer when he exited the building. The university library gave individual study rooms to groups or study partners, when they scheduled an appointment beforehand. And Youngjae had been meeting Jaebum there for the last few days. Usually those rooms were difficult to reserve, but his adviser must have had a good connection to one of the stuff to book it for several days in a row.

 

The black haired boy tried to speed walk home, but the oncoming wind made it hard to put one foot in front of the other. He wanted to do nothing but snuggle in his bed with Coco, but unfortunately the small dog still needed to go outside. Youngjae shuddered. At the moment Youngjae was lucky to have his flatmates care for Coco, whenever his performance project needed attention. Today, though, Yugyeom and Bambam worked the evening shift at the store. So poor Coco was all alone, waiting for her owners to return.

 

As soon as he inserted the key into the lock on the door, a familiar high pitched bark was heard. “Coco-yah, it's only me,” Youngjae yelled lightly through the door and the sound stopped immediately only to be replaced by a whine. With fast motions the boy opened the door and squatted down to be on the same level as his dog. Coco nudged his hand with her head to signal him, she would be pleased with a scratch behind the ears which Youngjae loved to comply giving to her.

 

The blue leather leash and collar dangled on the hanger of the coatrack. Youngjae grabbed both and Coco was instantly excited to get outside. With fast steps against the sharp wind they made their way towards the park a few hundred meters away from the apartment. The boy looked around to scan the park for other dogs, but it was completely empty, missing any sign of another presence. Youngjae told Coco to sit and after some patient time waiting, the dog sat down and Youngjae unleashed her and gave her a treat for being a good girl. Instantly Coco dashed off without waiting for his command to go.

 

Well, they still had to work on that, but Youngjae has only gotten her barely a month ago. This last few weeks were a fearful ride and it came all down to his performance project evening. He didn't have the energy to fix things with Jackson, Mark nor Jinyoung at the moment. He only slept short periods during the night, mostly taking naps whenever he felt too tired. But he couldn't slack off right before his goal. The performance project needed his full attention and after that he would get his life in order.

 

The silence between his Hyungs and him slowly eased away, when Youngjae thanked them for the amazing gift for Christmas and wishing them a happy new year. Honestly, the gift was way too generous and Youngjae didn't understand, why they spent their money on him anyway. Especially, when Youngjae did nothing, but rudely ignore them without giving them a proper reason. But, he had saved up over the months and would give the money for the piano back.

 

During the weeks without Mark and Jackson, Youngjae had felt nothing but empty. He missed them a lot, every single aspect about them. And he would give everything to have their previous relationship back, but he knew that was impossible at this point. Still, he wanted whatever kind of relationship was still possible.

 

On the Christmas card Youngjae had received from his Hyungs, it stated, that they'd be waiting until whenever he was ready. Youngjae had texted them, they would talk soon. But the boy certainly didn't know, if he was ever ready to talk about what happened or worse what was going to happen. He still had to come up with a believable excuse, why he acted this way and not seeming to obvious about his feelings. Over the days apart from each other, Youngjae learned to contain them at least a little. They didn't linger on the surface, ready to break every moment. After the rash and not well thought-out coming out to his parents, Youngjae started piling up layers over his uncontrolled feelings towards his Hyungs.

 

He had talked to his mother at least twice a week before the incident, now his father was the one calling him and asking for his well being. And, even though it were only small moments, sometimes the whispered voice of his mother was heard, telling his dad to ask him if Youngjae was eating well and taking his vitamins. Every time Youngjae became aware that his mother still cared, he wanted to cry out of happiness, that his parents still loved him, that his siblings supported him and his friends cared for him dearly.

 

The snow still covered the ground in a pure, innocent white. New snow fell the night before only disturbed by little, cute paw prints littering across the park. “Coco,” Youngjae called for his dog. To make out the whereabouts of a white, small dog in the setting of the same color as a background became quite hard. Youngjae walked around a few minutes, before he found his dog digging in the snow – a stick right next to Coco, ready to be buried. Youngjae felt bad to ruin the dog's fun, but the weather got worse and he had to get back to work. They made their walk home quietly walking with the wind supporting their backs this time.

 

As soon as Youngjae entered the flat, he made a little snack for himself and gave Coco her dinner, mind already preparing to work on his assignments. Even though he was mostly busy with his performance project, the other courses still demanded their share of essays and other tasks. Youngjae worked quietly for three hours, before he heard loud ruffling in the other room and not long before a black haired Yugyeom peaked inside his room, announcing their comeback.

 

“Hyung, are you working again?” The younger boy eyed him worriedly. “We brought some take out, and no,” he cut Youngjae off when the other opened his mouth, “you cannot eat in here. I will watch that you eat at least a proper meal and get some energy. Seriously, you should take better care of yourself. Who is the Hyung?” Yugyeom pulled him out of his seat and Youngjae didn't even bother to protest. Although the youngest was mostly accepting and nice, he was no joke when it came to the people he cared for. Youngjae was thankful for such a friend.

 

As they entered the kitchen, the rich flavor of spicy chicken filled his nostrils, making his stomach rumble. He didn't know, he was this hungry until Bambam placed his portion in front of him and he couldn't help himself, but to dig in immediately. They ate in quiet, when Youngjae raised his voice again. “Ah, I still have something for you two,” with those words the oldest dashed of into his adjacent room and came back with two paper strips in his hand. One was placed in front of Bambam, the other in front of Yugyeom. “My performance project is this Friday and two people are allowed to come. It would be cool if you two could make it. But if not, that's fine as well,” Youngjae shrugged his shoulders. “I just thought, before I don't give them away at all,” he trailed off and slowly swallowed another piece of side dish.

 

He didn't want to put Bambam and Yugyeom into the position where they would feel pressured or forced to come, after all Youngjae's performance was only a small part of the evening.

 

Unaware to Youngjae the two younger shared a look with each other, only communicating through their thoughts. Bambam grabbed the cards and scanned the printed information on it. “Sure Hyung, of course we can arrange that. Thanks for inviting us.” Gradually the evening broke off, all separating into their respective rooms.

 

~~  
~~

 

 

“No, that doesn't work,” Youngjae was so close to lose all of his hair by ripping it out. His nerves were as charged as an electrical line and it was only a matter of time until he'd burst. One deep breath in, one out. All his ambitions would go to waste, if he couldn't fix this.

 

One of his background vocalists got sick, just two days before the big day sending Youngjae's body into a state of hypertensive crisis. And the other one didn't want to perform without a second background singer at all cost, stating Youngjae's voice was too powerful without someone to support him and there was basically no reason for a background singer to do it alone. It seemed more like the other boy was keen on giving Youngjae a premature heart attack.

 

“Let's just try one more song and then have a short break.” During the song, Youngjae knew Daehyun – the background singer – was right. Some parts fell flat, without harmonization to support Youngjae's voice. As the song ended, Youngjae announced a twenty-minute-break with little hope to correct this mess in the short amount of time. The black haired boy grabbed his water bottle and sat down at the stair case leading up to the stage.

 

Knees pulled close, Youngjae dropped his head onto them and suppressed the urge to cry. Every fiber of his body was tired and tense. Two more days, only two more days, then he could sleep the whole weekend. He just wished that he could call Jackson, who'd tell him he would do good anyway or let Mark tell him a poor dad joke, which would make him laugh and loosen up his core.

 

It wasn't even his priority to impress the representatives of the companies being present at the event, more so he tried to satisfy his professor, since the project made up half of his grade. But also himself, his adviser and maybe also Jinyoung. They all worked hard, they'd helped him get to this point and not giving one hundred fifty percent wasn't even an option for Choi Youngjae. Just as he was about to get up and try to come up with a plan for this situation, a pair of shoes stepped into his sight.

 

“Hi,” Jinyoung mumbled shyly, when Youngjae looked up. The other boy wrung his hands nervously in front of his body, waiting anxiously for a response. “Hi,” Youngjae replied just as quietly and fearfully. “So,” Jinyoung started again, “Daehyun texted Moonju-Noona you were short on background singers. And Moonju-Noona texted Eunjung and Eunjung texted Jaebum-Hyung and we were together when he got the message, so...” The other paused looking at Youngjae. “What I wanted to say is, I could help?” The second part was phrased as a question, leaving the decision with Youngjae. The other boy looked up frozen, contemplating over the Jinyoung's offer.

 

It would make sense, the brown haired boy knew the rough versions of all his songs, their voices harmonized perfectly since they had sung together quite often. It would make everything easier for Daehyun and he wouldn't embarrass himself, because Youngjae was short on background singers.

 

“Can I sit?” Jinyoung motioned to the space next to Youngjae, when the boy didn't seem to have any intention of breaking his silence soon. Youngjae just nodded, still in a haze, not really knowing how to deal with the situation. Jinyoung sat down next to Youngjae and tentatively reached for his shoulder. “Listen Jae, I'm sorry, that I didn't respond much to your messages after you told me. I was just confused. But that doesn't excuse my behavior, and I feel ashamed I left you all on your own. You came out to me and I screwed that up.”

 

Youngjae took in his words and like before he wasn't angry, only upset, but now Jinyoung wanted to help him when Youngjae was running out of options and losing his head. He hasn't been there for him before, but he was here now and Youngjae appreciated that the other took this step. “We should talk about this some more,” Jinyoung nodded, “but at the moment, can you tell me, I will be fine?” Youngjae looked at him with pleading eyes. And, if Jinyoung knew what to do, he slang his arms around Youngjae's body and pulled him close. “I know you are gonna be great. There is nothing you cannot handle,” a hand stroked Youngjae's back up and down. This was all he needed, he could do it.

 

Youngjae took another twenty minutes to run through everything, instructing Jinyoung what he had to do. The rest of the rehearsal went better, finally lifting the extreme weight of Youngjae's shoulders that had formed this morning. When Youngjae's practice time was over and another candidate had rented the room, he told the people working with him the time they'd meet up tomorrow. Just as Youngjae threw the strap of his bag over his shoulder, the brown haired boy grabbed the joint of his hand and stopped him from leaving.

 

“Would you like to come to dinner and eat with my family? After that we can maybe talk a little more?” If Jinyoung put in that much effort, Youngjae wouldn't shut him down. There was no need to stay bitter, when the other person was seriously upset and regretting their actions. He send a quick text to his flatmates, stating he wouldn't come home until late and if they could take care of Coco for him. Which of course, was no problem.

 

Quietly Youngjae and Jinyoung made their way to Jinyoung's family's home, the silence growing slightly uncomfortable between them, but neither knew how to lift the heavy curtain surrounding the topic at hand. When Jinyoung opened the door and showed Youngjae in, voices of laughter filled the air. They walked into the kitchen and several pairs of eyes snapped to Jinyoung first and landed on Youngjae a second later, staying there. “Eomma, I hope it's okay that I brought a friend over,” his voice wavered over the word friend, as if he was unsure about the outcome of this evening. The woman's eyes crinkled just like her son's and Youngjae knew immediately where Jinyoung got his handsome face from.

 

At the third time Youngjae offered his help, Jinyoung's mother sighed deeply and let him sit down, to retain him from doing anything. After all he was the guest.

 

The dinner was friendly, loud and Youngjae loved every part of it. The whole process reminded him of his childhood, when they all still lived at home, speaking simultaneously to their parents getting louder and louder to drown out their siblings. Youngjae watched how Jinyoung and his sister bickered, how their parents tried to resolve their fight, only to be told they were not really fighting, but rather discussing even when they called each other names. Youngjae chuckled quietly.

 

When Jinyoung's father asked how they met, Jinyoung told them about Youngjae's upcoming performance and the circumstances, also mentioning Jaebum being Youngjae's adviser. As Jaebum's name was mentioned Youngjae snapped his gaze upwards monitoring the parents reaction, but all he could find was endearment written over their faces. “Where is my second favorite boy anyway? I haven't seen him in days?” Jinyoung's mother asked. The boy leaned into Youngjae's space and whispered for his parents to hear: “At some point they will like him more than they like me and I'm their son.” But one could easily see how happy Jinyoung was about his parents acceptance.

 

Youngjae thanked Jinyoung's family for their kind hospitality, only before Jinyoung pulled him upstairs towards his room. The windows were small, but rooflights, leaving enough sun- or moonlight into the room. Under the slant there was book over book, packed in small shelves, leaving no imagination to the amount Jinyoung read in his free time.

 

After Youngjae sat down Jinyoung took a seat at his right side and waited until they crossed gazes, before he took a deep breath and continued his apology. “Listen Youngjae,” he pulled the other's hand towards him and linked their fingers. “I am deeply sorry for ignoring you and telling you, you're feelings are wrong. Let no one ever tell you anything about your own emotions and feelings, they belong to you. And not even me or Bambam or Yugyeom or whoever can judge,” he stopped and saw Youngjae's eyes getting glassy.

 

“Did I say something wrong again?” Jinyoung panicked, but it vanished as soon as the boy shook his head. A wavering smile was sent his way. “I just didn't think, you still wanted to be my friend after everything I have told you,” now the boy was fully crying partly because of all the exhaustion piling up from the last weeks and the other part out of relief.

 

“No, no, Jae,” Jinyoung pulled the boy close, like he did in the auditorium and patted his head. “There was nothing like this. First I just needed time and then when I realized, I reacted the same way some people did, when I came out to them, I just felt so ashamed to look you in the eyes.”

 

He felt as the black haired boy shook his head. “No, I would have reacted the same way. I know I'm just, “Youngjae made a wild gesture, “weird.” When he spoke the last word, he scrunched up his nose and it broke Jinyoung's heart. “I am not going to lie to you. I still don't understand it and I probably won't for a while,” Youngjae's face started to fall, “but, like I said. It is not my point to judge you for your feelings, so I accept them. Because first of all I'm your friend and want you to be happy.” After Jinyoung's speech, Youngjae nodded lightly against the other's chest.

 

They spoke a little more about their vacation, Jinyoung being utterly proud of Youngjae's bravery to come out to his family. The brown haired boy encouraged Youngjae to wait for his mother to come around. Some people just couldn't deal with aspects out of the ordinary and needed time to adjust, but if he could hear her over the phone, Jinyoung was certain it wouldn't be long until she would start trying to understand it. Jinyoung in reverse told Youngjae about his break, but purposely left out the day they went to Jackson and Mark's, not wanting to upset the other boy again.

 

The next time one of them sought out the time, it was half past midnight. Because Jinyoung obviously didn't allow Youngjae to walk home at such an hour in the dark and cold all alone, he told the music major to just sleep over. Youngjae sent out a text asking for his baby to sleep in Bambam's room, which the other only welcomed.

 

After Jinyoung gave a set of clothes for Youngjae to change into, the two of them made their way to the bathroom and got ready for bed. Jinyoung's queensize bed was big enough with the two them in it anyway.

 

~~  
~~

 

The next day Youngjae grabbed breakfast with the Park's again and went to his flat to take Coco out for the morning. He was really thankful, Yugyeom and Bambam took care of her, when he wasn't present. After taking a shower and changing into a pair of blue jeans and an overly washed big sweater, he took Coco on a long walk since he wouldn't be back today until late at night again.

 

The day passed more smoothly than the one before, thanks to Jinyoung making the rehearsal more comfortable and putting in effort to calm down Youngjae's nerves. After a few hours of the final rehearsal, Youngjae didn't know what to think anymore. His whole body was giddy, but Jinyoung deemed him ready for the next day to come.

 

Bambam took Coco for another night, stating Youngjae needed a good nights rest, while Yugyeom made him a citrus honey tea for his vocal chords, ensuring him he would do fine and Youngjae had nothing to worry about. His flatmates were just the best taking care of their Hyung, when he needed it. Youngjae should take them out for a dinner on the weekend, for being the nicest friends _(most of the time)_ and supporting him like this.

 

Sleep didn't come easy that night. After a few hours of tossing and turning in bed from being too excited, Youngjae stood up once more and brew himself another tea. In the early morning hours, though, he finally drifted away.

 

~~  
~~

 

“Jae! Come on, wakey wakey. You have an hour before you need to be present at the university,” Jinyoung _(who let him in anyway?)_ pulled the blanket off his body and sat him up, when Youngjae didn't show any intention to do it himself. The black-haired boy was shaken once more, before even realizing Jinyoung wasn't only an hallucination.

 

An other cup of tea was already placed on his nightstand, while Jinyoung rummaged through his closet looking for a bigger bag to put his outfit, carefully placed on the office chair, in. Bambam had helped him a few nights before, selecting suitable clothes fitting his topic. As reality sank in, Youngjae started to feel nauseous. _Today_ was the day. Without any further explanation Youngjae pushed the door handle down and pulled the door open, sprinted down the corridor and sank down right in front of the toilet seat.

 

The bitter taste of bile and his own retching noises made him feel dizzy and extremely uncomfortable. There was no way he was gonna get through the day. A light pat to his back made him jump up a little. Jinyoung handed him a glass of water and pressed the flush, washing Youngjae's literal sorrows away. The black haired boy got up on his own two feet and washed his mouth thoroughly, before grabbing his electrical toothbrush. “By the way, I met your dog,” Youngjae met Jinyoung's eyes through the mirror. “Bambam just went for a walk when I came. She seems lovely,” to which Youngjae only nodded dearly.

 

Soon after, the reluctance and self-doubt, he tried to fight so hard, crawled back to the surface. What if today was going to be a total disaster? Suddenly he felt a jabbing pain on his forearm. Youngjae shot Jinyoung a betrayed look.

 

“Every time I see you dive into your own thoughts of questioning, I'll pinch you,” to undermine his argument, Jinyoung quickly brought his index finger and thumb together, like a crab – ready to fight anything and anyone. Laughingly the foam collected in Youngjae's mouth sputtered over the edges and fell into the sink. A hard slap was placed against Jinyoung's chest. “Don't say anything funny, while I brush my teeth.” With a chuckle the other left the room, not wanting to be on the receiving end of an other hit and Youngjae resumed getting ready for the day.

 

Half an hour later everything was packed, Youngjae was showered and more or less ready to take the day as it'd come. He turned to look at Bambam, who just returned from the morning walk with Coco. “I will see you two tonight, right? Your seat numbers are on your cards, so no need to be overly early.” Youngjae lifted Coco to get his one, two, three good luck smooches and filled the cold pressed duck with vegetables provender into one of the metal feeding trough.

 

Bambam nodded still half asleep, looking in the shelves for the coffee pads. “Good luck, Hyung. I know you will do great. Now off you go, otherwise, it seems, Jinyoung will surely drag you.” Just as Bambam said his last words, did Jinyoung pull him towards the entrance and they speed walked to the auditorium.

 

The auditorium itself was rarely used. Most of the events were gala alike or meetings, exhibitions or performances by different parts of the performing art department. The whole room fulfilled a rather representative function. Everything was held in simple colors, the decoration differed in color of black, white and silver, looking absolutely classy. Youngjae was astonished and speechless, when he saw how the room turned from its normal plain state into a elegant and splendid form. All of it didn't exactly help to calm down his nerves, furthermore the appearance made his stomach turn an other round on the sickness roller coaster.

 

The hours seemed to fly, running fast until there were only fifteen minutes and Youngjae was pacing around backstage trying not to flee the scene and the packed audience. Jinyoung had tried to calm him down, but Youngjae was even more annoying as he was placed on the sofa, rocking back and forth. As the show was about to start, Youngjae took out his phone and gazed at the little screen seeing two messages unread.

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Youngjae, all the best tonight!

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Jae-yah, we know you will be great! <333

 

 

Youngjae pressed the phone to his chest, feeling the blood pump through his vessels, only this time it didn't have the agitated aftertaste. It was warm and calming, a source of strength. He could do it.

 

Jinyoung checked his make up again and combed his hair once more before fixating it with the hairspray. Now Youngjae's slick black hair slightly fell into his face on the left side and the right side tended to frame it. A very light golden eye shadow was used on his upper lids, rounding the edges and also covering parts of his lower eyelids. Only his left ear was pierced with two silver rings matching the silver tag on his green and red bow around his neck. The black suit he wore was perfectly complemented by the dark cape with several vintage buttons on each side. Bambam went all out this time and Youngjae couldn't be more thankful. Bambam said he looked ethereal. _(if the boy believed it or not)_

 

Youngjae was supposed to perform as the sixth person, right in the middle, since today it were only twelve contestants. The other half of his course was scheduled for a week later. There would be no prize, but the acknowledgment and the possible offer of an internship in one of the branches, would be compensation enough for most of the participants. Every person had ten minutes for their performance. A short amount of time, but out on stage it felt like a lifetime. Right after their performance, they would be rated on a scale from one to ten, and during the lesson they'd receive an evaluation sheet with their performance.

 

The fifth person was called out and Youngjae got himself and his background singers ready, since they were up next. The staff stuck the microphone on Youngjae's face with skin color like tape, Youngjae checked once more if his guitar was in the right place and plugged in.

 

Jinyoung and Daehyun wouldn't be on stage for the first half, only appearing when he would sit down in front of the grand piano. “Take a deep breath,” Jinyoung took his hand and squeezed it lightly, “it's gonna be great and if not, you did your best!” Youngjae nodded, while the other boys took their place in front of the microphones behind the curtain. Applause was heard and the calling of a number, indicating the end of the fifth performer and the start for Youngjae to go into position. “Go get them, tiger!” Jinyoung whispered, making Youngjae laugh and shortly forgetting his worries.

 

His name and interpretation of the song was called. Youngjae closed his eyes and tried to focus, it was now or never. The lights turned off and Youngjae began to emerge from the side onto the stage. The guitar was placed right behind the curtain. He took it and started to play a quiet and comforting melody, easily shifting to barré chords and letting movable shapes appear, only to end just as softly. Right after he placed the guitar back on the stand, the monologue he anticipated and practiced with Jinyoung started.

 

“ _To me_  
Just walking this road  
Just breathing  
Is hard”

 

Youngjae rose with every word. The topic of his performance project was lost love. Without forcing it, he let his inner emotions take over and create every word and every line he now performed on stage. The song was not his, but the arrangement was, since this was the criteria to begin with. He didn't even need to act, everything felt real, raw and in its own form. The conflict in his character was the same as the conflict he was experiencing himself for weeks now. The gestures didn't feel exaggerated, more so as if they belonged to every word. The spotlight followed him, when he made his way over the stage and just as he said the last words, the lights turned off once more, leaving the audience gasping.

 

Youngjae let out a shaky breath, hoping nobody witnessed his nervous exhaling. The lifting of the curtain behind him, made him realize he had five more seconds to sit himself in front of the grand piano and put his fingers on the keys and in the right place. The lights went back on. While Youngjae felt small and petite in front of the shining instrument during the rehearsals, now he was conquering it, not thinking about the situation solemnly feeling it. He pounded on the keys in forté opening the prelude smoothly changing the sound to a smooth and connected legato play, before he finally opening his mouth and began to sing.

 

“ _The road we walked together  
The place where we sat side by side”_

 

Youngjae's voice was mellow and sweet, while he pressed the pedal swiftly on the lyre. With a clean pitch Youngjae wrote a song, which explored his whole potential, lowering to D3 and maintaining the tones consistently. The melody carried on as the Youngjae's bright and clear voice sang the mournful lyrics, full of feelings and emotions.

 

“ _Just eating_  
Just trying to smile  
Is hard to me”

 

The falsetto register had always been one point he was criticized for, so Youngjae had practiced hard to accomplish the so called _unnatural voice._ And it didn't seem to fail, he sang like he didn't sing before. Every note was supported and Youngjae wanted to keep it this way. The bridge was slower, darker but nonetheless just as beautiful and Youngjae couldn't help to feel nervous as the high note came up next. He hit the G4 supported and perfectly, no inconsistency, nowhere falling flat.

 

The piano stopped and he sang the last repetition of the chorus _a cappella_ , only accompanied and supported by the light humming of the background singers. Voice sweet like honey, but strong as a thunder. Youngjae ended the last line and if listened clearly a cry could be heard just as the last word was pronounced.

 

“ _This terrible trauma, trauma.”_

 

It was deadly silent, before the applause stormed through the auditorium and Youngjae could have sworn he even heard someone lively yelling his name. Probably Bambam or Yugyeom. He bowed deeply as the cheering went on and beckoned Jinyoung and Daehyun to join him and they bowed once more, until the background vocalists quickly left the stage. Youngjae waited for his mark and as a sheet with 9,05 was lifted, he bowed once more, before clearing the stage for the next participant.

 

Just as they were out of prying eyes, Youngjae squatted down and let his tears run freely, but this time, they were happy and satisfied tears, only flowing because all the adrenaline left his body and he felt so many different emotions. Daehyun and Jinyoung squished him into an embrace, before Daehyun went to another performer, who arranged him as a background vocalist as well.

 

As Youngjae calmed down he smilingly looked up into Jinyoung's face, before pulling him close once more. “Thank you, I wouldn't have been able to be the best version of myself today, if it wasn't for you.” When he released the other, Youngjae could have sworn the brown haired boy's ears were slightly pink, making Youngjae even happier. They strolled to one of the couches, sitting down and quietly observing the still following and nervous participants. He could go home now, but he was too tired to even move one finger. Slowly he started to fall asleep on Jinyoung's shoulder and was only woken up a while later when one hand gradually caressed his back and another one carded through his hair.

 

_(“What are you doing here?” Jinyoung looked up disbelievingly. “What do you think?” a snarky, but whispered voice answered.)_

 

Youngjae could have sworn, he knew that scent and he hadn't smelled it in weeks. As the dots started to connect, Youngjae was fully awake, almost jumping off the sofa, if it wasn't for a strong hand holding him in place. “Hyungs, you're here,” he couldn't believe his eyes. It took a moment, before all of them rose to their feet and Youngjae wanted nothing, but to press his nose right into their bodies. And maybe it was his still sleepy state or the after adrenaline Youngjae, but he thought _screw it_ and pulled them both as near as possible. Strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him impossibly closer. After a while they let go and looked at each other with somewhat embarrassed eyes, when Youngjae spotted a mix of warming colors in Jackson's hand.

 

Jackson seemed to follow his eyes and moved the bouquet forward, until it was right in front of Youngjae. “We thought sunflowers match,” with shaking hands Youngjae accepted the bunch and dug his nose right in, inhaling the sweet scent of yellow sunflowers, orange roses and white santini chrysanthemum. “They are beautiful,” Youngjae stated and smiled just as brightly as the color of the sunflowers. And, suddenly all the strict layers Youngjae had put around his feelings seemed to vanish in an instant.

 

“Jae-yah,” Mark's deep voice sounded, sending a shiver to Youngjae's core. Will it ever stop? “We know you're probably tired, but won't you come home with us?” The question was tentative and carefully placed, as if they feared Youngjae would slip away, if they left him out of sight for too long. And, if Youngjae was any stronger, he would say no. But he was weak and tired and he just missed his Hyungs so much. So he said yes.

 

~~  
~~

 

The way to the car was short. Youngjae spotted a familiar black BMW and was about to open the backdoor, when Jackson opened the front door and pushed him on the passenger seat, taking his bag from him. “But, Hyung, that's your place,” Youngjae wanted to protest, but Jackson only shook his head. “It's fine, just sit down,” a light smile adorning Jackson's face and Youngjae couldn't even describe how much he missed him, them both. Mark surrounded the car and took his spot, when all were seated rightfully he started to back his car up and soon rolled into the evening traffic.

 

“You were fantastic tonight Youngjae-yah,” Mark said, admiration present in his voice. Jackson nodded enthusiastically to underline Mark's words. “When you sang, I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry or both, if I had known it was so beautiful, I would have forced you to sing sooner,” Jackson said right next to Youngjae's ear, making him blush. “Hyungs, you're exaggerating. It wasn't that great, I think I didn't even get the highest mark,” Youngjae tried to hide his shyness. “Yeah, but only because the judges were stupid,” Jackson said grumpily, like a child. Youngjae had missed this so much, that he couldn't hold in his laughter sounding loud through the car. “Good to see, you're ridiculous as always, Jackson-Hyung,” Youngjae still tried to contain his giggle.

 

“Good to see, you don't hate us,” and with one sentence the whole atmosphere changed, shutting Youngjae up immediately. “I-I don't hate you,” Youngjae whispered while he played with his fingers nervously. And if he felt anxious before his stage, it didn't compare at all to how he felt now. Mark placed a hand on his thigh, making him look up. “We will talk about it, when we arrive at home okay?” Youngjae just nodded and leaned his face against the window, looking outside. He drifted away and only woke up, when the car stopped. They were downstairs in the parking lot, and before he could do anything, his door was opened and a hand helped him stand up and led him towards the elevator.

 

Mark pressed the button with a squiggly five and the elevator slowly got in motion, only stopping when they arrived at the supposed floor. After Jackson opened the door, Youngjae hang his jacket on one of the hangers and pulled of his shoes, placing them neatly next to the shelf.

 

“Would you mind, if I take a shower? I will be quick,” Youngjae directed the question to both of them. “Of course not,” Jackson placed Youngjae's bag onto the floor in the living room, “take your time. You're probably hungry, we will make you something to eat.”

 

“Do you want any comfortable clothes?” Mark asked him this time and before Youngjae could even reply, Mark ran into the bedroom and came back with a t-shirt and gray jogging pants, handing them to Youngjae. “The towels are in the shelf right next to the door. Take however many you want.”

 

“Thanks, Mark-Hyung,” Youngjae smiled at him sweetly. A moment later he took off to the bathroom, turning the key around and trying to catch his emotions radiating through every pore of his body. He still needed to salvage this friendship, whatever may came to his mind, would do. There wasn't much time to come up with the best excuse of ignoring his friends for a month anyway. Youngjae instantly removed his clothes and went under the hot stream of the shower. A low moan escaped his lips, when the water hit his body. Soon the bathroom resembled a steam sauna, because of the temperature Youngjae liked to shower in.

 

Angry, red patches on lightly tanned skin gradually faded, as Youngjae turned off the stream and took the shower wiper, cleaning the glass facade until the water collected at the bottom of the tube. Carefully he stepped outside of the enormous glass cubicle and reached for the beige towel, covering his body. Youngjae wiped of the remnants of the make up still present on his face, when the phone in the pocket of his trousers made a small _ding_ , indicating a new message.

 

**From: Bambam-ah**

**To: Youngjae**

 

Hyung, we will take care of Coco tonight, sorry to trick you like this. But if you come home and you're not happy, I'll kick your ass and then kick you out.

P.S. We're so proud of your performance. Jinyoung sent us a video.

P.P.S. Fighting!~

 

What else did Youngjae expect? But he couldn't really be mad at them, since they only had his well being in mind. The outcome of the evening, though, wouldn't please them. But everything thought about was that he could still be with his Hyungs, even if it was painful. When they spent time apart, Youngjae realized he still wanted them as a part of his life and wanted to be in theirs, so all he could do was to endure it until these stupid feelings dissolved.

 

Dressed in Mark's clothes, which still smelled like detergent and a distinct other note Youngjae could only decipher as Mark's own intoxicating smell, he exited the large bathroom and made his way towards the living room.

 

Jackson and Mark sat on the sofa talking quietly. Mark's hand played with a loose thread on Jackson's sweater, which lay comfortably smooth on Jackson's body. Youngjae realized both of them had also changed from their dress up into nightwear, looking so soft Youngjae really needed to get a grip of himself. What was worse, as soon as they spotted him, Jackson jumped up to pull him to the sofa, while Mark went off, leaving a questioning Youngjae on the couch. Jackson apparently wasn't confused at all, and when a steaming bowl was placed in front of him, Youngjae's stomach growled almost directly.

 

“I made you my special ramen,” Mark chuckled, while he took a spot on the other side of Youngjae and offered him a spoon and chopsticks. “Actually I just threw some other more ingredients in it, sorry we didn't go grocery shopping, that's all we have,” he lifted a hand, placing it on his nape and Youngjae found it cute, he was a little embarrassed, even though Youngjae couldn't care less. Ramen was just fine and probably more than he ate the last few days.

 

“Thanks Hyung,” Youngjae sounded, before he dug right in, not realizing the smitten look on Jackson and Mark's face, while he ate as if there was no tomorrow. Only a few minutes later the bowl was absolutely empty and Youngjae placed it back on the wooden table in front of him. He leaned back and let out a satisfied sigh.

 

These moments of content only lasted for a few minutes, before Youngjae became aware there was still so much left to speak about. The avoidance, the ignoring, the denying and especially his feelings.

 

“You lost weight. You need to take care of yourself,” Jackson's hand ran over Youngjae's cheek, squeezing it and earning a grumpy look from Youngjae. “Bambam gave you the tickets,” it was more of a statement, than a question, but his Hyungs still nodded. “Why?” Youngjae just didn't know why they still wanted to keep him around. Mark took his hand and let his thumb brush in circles over Youngjae's wrist. “But, Jae-yah, don't you know why?” Mark asked a counter question, without any intention of calming Youngjae's mind a little.

 

The closeness from both of them made him feel giddy and the warm feeling in his core began to spread thought-out his whole body. “No, I don't. I have just been,” Youngjae turned his head left and then to the right, looking deeply into both of their beautiful pairs of eyes, “awful.” And, as if a dam was broken, so was Youngjae's tongue. “I have been the worst, especially the avoiding part. I'm so so sorry,” Youngjae wanted to push his head into his hands, but Mark's firm grip didn't let go of his hand and the other had been taken by Jackson, leaving Youngjae feel almost naked and vulnerable.

 

“I had a valid reason, I think, but..” he rambled on.

 

“Youngjae-yah,” Jackson's voice was soft, but still strong cutting him of. Youngjae lifted his head and looked into dark orbs. “Will you be in a relationship with both of us?” Not only Youngjae gasped, but Mark behind him did as well. First there was complete emptiness inside his mind, before Youngjae's thoughts went into overdrive. He was utterly shell-shocked. The minutes passed, where no one even dared to breath out loudly. The silence could be cut with a knife, sharpening every second where Youngjae just started at Jackson disbelievingly. And first Jackson's face appeared bravely confident, but as time went on his handsome features slowly fell, before he pulled his hand away from Youngjae's, finding Mark's gaze for support over the younger's shoulder.

 

And just as Jackson took in a sharp breath and wanting to start speaking again, Youngjae finally pulled both of his hands free and started full out crying into them. Two loud sobs were heard, before Mark hectically placed a hand on the younger's back, trying to soothe him. “I'm sorry Youngjae,” Jackson needed all of his strength to stop his body from trembling, “I'm so sorry, forget what I said. We take it back,” the older tried to retrieve what could still be saved.

 

But then the other's body crashed right into him. “Don't you dare,” Youngjae muttered between taking deep breaths and controlling not to start sobbing again. “Don't you even dare to take it back,” Youngjae blindly fumbled for Mark's hand pulling it around his waist, face still pressed into Jackson's shoulder. “You were the one who asked, don't you even think about taking it back. You're stuck with me now,” Youngjae ended his rant.

 

The gloomy feeling hanging over the room vanished instantly, when Mark and Jackson heard Youngjae's last words. “But then why are you crying?” A hand was placed on his nape, twisting the soft hair there. “Because,” Youngjae started, but mumbled the rest into Jackson's pullover. The hand around his neck tightened and tried to pull his face upwards, but Youngjae just shook his head, still not believing what just happened. If he lifted his head, all would vanish and Youngjae would certainly wake up in his bed. But if this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up.

 

“Jae-yah,” Mark said in a calm voice, “can you repeat?” Of course, he could, but he felt so embarrassed and absolutely overwhelmed. “It's because I'm just happy,” Jackson and Mark's heart melted with these simple words and there was nothing they wanted more than to see Youngjae's face.

 

“Can you look at us?”

 

Shyly Youngjae lifted his head and was met with something new, pouring so earnestly out of Jackson's eyes, Youngjae could almost palpitate the emotion. Youngjae didn't know where the courage came from, but it just felt right. “I like you,” Youngjae held the eye contact for a few seconds turning to the other side, searching for Mark's stunning almond-shaped eyes. “I like you lots, Hyungs.”

 

A second later, Youngjae was crashed into a deep three way hug. This time, though, he didn't feel guilty, he embraced the emotion, letting him experience a happiness he had never felt before. “This is why I ignored you. I didn't want my feelings to come in between our friendship, or worse your relationship.” A kiss was placed on his temple and the remaining wet patches on his cheeks were wiped away by big, warm hands. “Well, we are certainly all idiots,” Mark hummed, while Jackson nodded.

 

Youngjae, though just frowned. “How am I an idiot? You were in this together, while I was all alone. Me against the big, scary world.” Jackson cooed at Youngjae, making the other's frown disappear. “Sorry, Jae-yah. We thought we made it pretty obvious, we just waited if you felt the same as we did, but then you ignored us and we were anxious that we scared you off.” Okay maybe they had all been idiots, but the fear was justified. “And I thought I was the obvious one,” Youngjae mouthed against Mark's shoulder. It didn't matter now, all the months of suffering on either parts nothing was important as long as they were here, together, now.

 

“You were more of the oblivious one,” Jackson laughed about his own joke, earning him a glare from Mark and a slap from Youngjae. “Ouch, I definitely didn't miss this,” but there was no bitterness, solemnly laughter and cheerfullness. “Seriously though, we both adore you so much Youngjae,” Mark said and Jackson only sounded an “we absolutely do.” Youngjae was still a little star-struck, still a little disbelieving that all dissipated into this beautiful mess.

 

Jackson's hand left Youngjae's face and angled for Mark's to guide their lips together, right in front of Youngjae. And damn, if this wasn't a sight Youngjae could get used to, but at the same time he felt aware of the boundary expansion. When his Hyungs let go of each other, there faces turned towards Youngjae, seeing the red cheeks and blown out eyes. “Sorry,” Jackson said, “I just felt so happy, I needed to kiss something, someone.” Youngjae bit his lip and coyly lowered his head until a hand caught his chin, but Youngjae stubbornly let his gaze be tucked to the ground.

 

“It's fine Youngjae, don't feel pressured. We have all the time and we can certainly wait for you to be ready,” he saw Mark smile slightly in his peripheral vision. “Or we could give you a little taste if you'd like that?” Youngjae's eyes bounced up meeting the older's. He knew he could say no, knew they meant every word and that alone gave Youngjae the safety he needed to nod a little too eager for his own taste, making his Hyungs look at him endearingly.

 

“But,” Youngjae cleared his throat to find his voice, “can you kiss one more time?” The black haired boy could feel their surprised gazes, before they turned into something deeper, almost dark. “Of course.” Just as the words left Jackson's mouth, Mark pulled him in once more, smacking their lips together. The wet sound as they broke of the kiss, made Youngjae feel the same amount of embarrassment as he felt the want deep inside him. “You like that?” Mark's piercing look, went right through his body, leaving Youngjae to only nod with red cheeks. “Such a sweet boy,” Jackson sighed, before he caught Youngjae's jaw between his index finger and thumb, tilting it a little upwards.

 

“Otter, you can always say stop, okay?” Youngjae only nodded once more. He closed his eyes, before Jackson dove in and pecked his lips once, twice, making Youngjae's thighs tremble in anticipation, before the lips stayed connected to his own, sliding sweetly against them. Youngjae's mind clouded and his right arm slang around Jackson, digging his fingers firmly into the muscle of his back, making them shift deliciously. His sensations were on high alert. So, when he felt open mouthed kisses be placed pleasingly right under his ear, he couldn't help but gasp a little and let his eyelids fly open.

 

Jackson pressed their lips together once more, before pulling away, delighted to see Youngjae chase after him. He gave him another peck, before he withdrew himself fully, leaving place for Mark. “You still okay?” Mark waited for Youngjae's eyes to open once more, but to his surprise Youngjae just pulled him in, engaging the older into a fierce kiss. Mark let his hands threat through Youngjae's hair tugging on it softly, eliciting one more sweet sound from the younger. Soon the kiss faded into a softer one, until it was only noses gently rubbing against each other. Mark pulled himself off Youngjae only to witness, the other drowsily trying to hold his eyes open.

 

Jackson was utterly amused with the situation. “We exploited the baby,” the brown haired man giggled, patting Youngjae's hair, making the younger sigh contently.

 

A loving gaze was shared, before the elders kissed once more. In the mean time, the youngest had rolled himself, safely in between them, giving in to the sleep consuming him now all at once. Just before Youngjae was wandering off into dreamland, he heard the voice being addressed at him.

 

“Won't you stay, Jae-yah?” Jackson whispered. And this time there was only one answer Youngjae had in mind, as he was lifted up and carried towards the bedroom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am grateful for all the kind comments, the bookmarks and kudos. Thank you so much for supporting this story. ❤  
> I hope this chapter made you happy and the pace seems still content. It's a major step and I'm glad to be finally at this point. 
> 
> (I just wanted to say again, I have literally little to no knowledge about piano, guitar and singing technique. It were intense days googling and understanding. So I hope nobody feels offended with my poor knowledge. )
> 
> I hope you all stay healthy and please take care of yourselfs. Have a nice rest weekend <33


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut about to follow.

When Youngjae woke up, he felt warm fingers lightly patting his cheek, while an other body pressed to his side and a nose was firmly hidden into the crook of his neck. Sluggishly he opened his eyes only to be met with darkness surrounding him.

 

Youngjae needed a moment to orientate himself. The events of the evening made their way back into his mind and a tingling sensation ran through his body as he realized the proximity of the persons next to him. Jackson must have felt him shifting, because the hand on his cheek traveled to his own and pulled it up, placing a kiss on Youngjae's palm. A sigh escaped his mouth.

 

“Sorry Jae, did I wake you up?”Jackson whispered and even though Youngjae should be used to his husky voice by now, he definitely wasn't. What was worse, after yesterday evening everything about Jackson and Mark made his body be hyper aware. He turned a little, careful not to wake up Mark and searched for Jackson's eyes in the dark. As soon as he found the contour of Jackson's dark orbs, the whole scenario finally sank into Youngjae, leaving him still scared how this arrangement was about to continue. But he wasn't alone in this anymore and Youngjae was sure, the other two felt just as new and vulnerable about it.

 

So he reciprocated Jackson's gestures with a tight squeeze of his hand. A small smile formed around Jackson's lips. “No, don't worry Hyung,” Youngjae said back just as quietly, “there can be a firework going off right within my room and I wouldn't be able to wake up.” Jackson chuckled. “Well, that's good to know.”

 

“Hyung,” Youngjae spoke tentatively, making Jackson perk up, “can I be honest?” Jackson nodded and Youngjae was glad to finally have someone to share his over-weeks-piled-up worries with. “I'm really glad,” he started making Jackson smile a little more, “but I'm also scared.” The other closed the twenty centimeters between them and placed a soft kiss on Youngjae's lips, making the younger look up a little puzzled. “What was that for?” The younger felt the press of lips lingering a little longer on his own.

 

“Every time you get afraid, I'll kiss those insecurities away.” Youngjae couldn't help himself, but let the laugh bubbling up inside him out, waking Mark in the process. An uncontrolled hand was almost slapped over Youngjae's mouth trying to stop the noise. “Shh, let's just sleep some more,” Mark lulled, while slinging an arm over Youngjae's body and placing a kiss against his nape. Jackson also gave Youngjae one more kiss, before he started to drift off again, leaving Youngjae alone with his thoughts.

 

Youngjae just couldn't express how overjoyed his heart was, how emotionally stable and satisfied everything was. It had been a while since he felt so secure, content and relaxed. They still needed to talk about this and it would probably always be a little more difficult, but right now Youngjae didn't want to think about any of this. After a while the soft breathing around him soothed him back into a dreamless sleep.

 

__

 

The next time Youngjae woke up, he was alone in the big king size bed, dug in the sheets with traces of Mark and Jackson's scent. Swiftly he rolled to the end of the left side and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, carefully looking around if he could detect his phone somewhere. Just at that moment the door opened quietly and a bundle of red hair was the first thing Youngjae saw, before Mark's face came into vision with surprised features.

 

“Oh hey you're up,” the elder's face lit up, “you slept so deeply, we didn't want to wake you. Breakfast is ready.” As Mark left the room, Youngjae remembered that his phone was probably still in his bag in the living room.

 

He exited the bedroom and went to freshen up. Luckily he still had the outfit from yesterday, when he left to the rehearsal and didn't have to beg Mark or Jackson for just another one. And his performance outfit was just gross now, he sweated liters yesterday. After he brushed his teeth, he opened the door and called, “Hyungs, can I use your facewash?!” There was a quiet moment, before a joyful 'mi casa es su casa' was shouted back, followed by a small giggle.

 

At some point Youngjae should ask how many languages the two spoke, but right now, he just guessed that it was all right, in whatever language Jackson had answered. With a freshly washed face and cleanly brushed teeth, Youngjae went into the kitchen, only to be met with an immense breakfast. “Good morning,” Youngjae spoke out, coyly looking up through his fringe. His hands clasped together in front of him, because where else should they go. The youngest felt like he was on show, but the tension broke fast, when the _peep_ of the rice cooker was heard. “Otter, you're right on time,” Jackson stated, while he got up and prepared three bowls of rice. 

 

“Youngjae, how'd you like your egg?” Mark, who stood on the stove apparently frying his and Jackson's share, asked. “Ehm, scrambled, but I eat anything, if it's too much of a hazzle,” Youngjae didn't know what to do, he kind of felt out of place and the confidence he had during the night, slowly faded. “Nonsense,” Mark cut through his thoughts. “I'm just finishing Jackson's sunny side up one.”

 

“Can I help?” Youngjae questioned and Jackson beckoned him over. Just as the black haired boy was about to grab the small rice bowls, his hands were snatched and he was pulled closer. “You didn't greet me properly, you know,” was all Jackson said quietly, before he tilted Youngjae's head upwards and pecked his lips softly. And with a simple gesture like that, Youngjae's sureness about this returned. He giggled and grabbed the bowls to carry them over to the table. “The place with the muffin is your spot,” Jackson called after him.

 

As Youngjae returned to Jackson's side to see if he could do something else, Mark sighed deeply. “Mark-Hyung, what's wrong?” Youngjae was concerned, the other had seemed tired the day before. “No, no it's fine, don't pay me any attention,” he stated in an overdramatic voice, making Jackson roll his eyes endearingly, but Youngjae was only left with more questions. Jackson leaned in close to Youngjae.

 

“He is just jealous, you didn't tell him good morning,” letting Youngjae's cheeks tint a beautiful rosé, as the younger understood the innuendo. Youngjae's mouth formed an _oh_ , before he shyly walked over to Mark's side and tugged on the end of his sleeve. The older turned around and puckered his lips, so Youngjae had to act this time and lean in to press a kiss to the older's lips, closing his eyes in the process. When he opened them again, he was met with a bright grin. “And now tell me if you want anything else to go with your scrambled eggs but salt and pepper.” Youngjae shook his head and felt bold enough to kiss his Hyung once more, only to be met with a _'hey, fairness'_ shout from Jackson. 

 

When they were seated and began to eat, Youngjae couldn't do anything else but marvel at the variety of food on the table. He couldn't tell, when it was the last time, he had such a nice breakfast, probably at home.  _Home._ The thought about his coming-out, was still bitter albeit only lightly. Youngjae really wanted to tell Mark and Jackson everything that happened the last month, as he wanted to know, what had been going on in their lives, but he didn't know how to address this and left the thought for a different moment. 

 

“Do you always eat breakfast like this?” he asked instead. “Nah, normally Mark is more the only coffee guy in the mornings and I'm satisfied with a protein rich yogurt and some fruits,” Jackson mumbled between bites of his sunny side eggs. “But we wanted this to be special,” he continued, and Youngjae felt like it, _special_. They ate in silence for a while, so much left to be said, but no starting point in sight. Youngjae cleared his throat. “Hyungs, what are you doing today?” 

 

“I need to get some work done, starting in,” he stopped and looked at his wrist, a grimace scurried over his face, “two hours.” It felt like Mark's dark circles under his eyes grew in an instant, Youngjae reached out to grab his hand, startling Mark in the process. He was about to pull his hand away, feeling a little hesitant, when Mark returned the grip around his hand and gave him a thankful smile.

 

The youngest lifted his gaze only to be met with Jackson's supportive eyes. “What about you, Hyung?” This time the words were directed to Jackson. “Well, I don't do anything today,” looking at Youngjae expectantly. “Do you maybe want to come with me and meet my dog?” Youngjae asked carefully, he still didn't know which rules applied. Was it okay to meet as two in a three way relationship? They should really talk about this. And just as he was about to voice his concern, he heard a shriek beside him and in front of him. “You got a dog?!” Voices overturned themselves.

 

The next half an hour was filled with questions, answers about Coco and a pouting Mark, who was inconsolable about the fact that he had to work and couldn't meet her. After the tenth video of Coco fetching a toy or running crazily through an empty park, they decided to store the rests of the food in the fridge and clean up the table. Even though Jackson and Mark vehemently denied Youngjae's help, the other just wordlessly grabbed dishes and placed them inside the dishwasher. “You know you are our guest, right?” Mark asked, and Youngjae felt some kind of dull ache in his chest. He didn't want to be a guest.

 

After they had everything packed away, Youngjae realized, he still had his muffin. Careful not to leave crumbles on the floor he broke of a piece and offered it to Jackson and Mark, but both refused it. “Sorry, with the breakfast this morning, I have to train an extra hour anyway,” the brown haired man whined, but oogled the juicy piece in Youngjae's hand desperately. “And I don't like muffins,” Mark replied, laughing at Youngjae's perplexed expression. “I like cupcakes though,” Mark meant as some kind of piece offering. It wasn't. What crazy person, didn't like muffins? If none of the two wanted a bite, so be it, Youngjae was fine to eat the muffin all by himself.

 

“Babe, will you be working from home?” Jackson looked at Mark and received an affirmative hum. “Okay, we'll take the car then.”

 

When departure atmosphere broke off, Youngjae grabbed his duffle bag next to the couch and went back into the bathroom to change. As he exited, neither Jackson nor Mark were in sight. The brown haired man surely went to change for himself, and if Mark worked from home, he was most likely already sitting inside his office. With unsure steps Youngjae strode down the corridor and halted in front of Mark's own personal space. It felt odd to walk around the apartment all by himself. He lifted his hand and knocked lightly on the door. A muffled 'come in' was heard and the younger pushed the door open.

 

“Jae, you don't have knock,” Mark laughed, when he spotted him. “But, I don't want to interrupt your work.” The other gave him a smile. “It's fine, I won't be doing anything that can't be disturbed,” he lifted a hand, when Youngjae inhaled to answer. “And you can still knock, but just know you don't have to.” Okay, a compromise. And addressing the difficulty of compromises, they still had a lot to talk about. “Hyung,” Youngjae sat down on a chair next to Mark and waited until the other's focus was on him. “Is it alright, that Jackson comes with me?”

 

“What do you mean?” Mark tilted his head to the side, eyeing him curiously. “I mean, ehm, it is your boyfriend first and I don't know, I feel like I'm stealing or something.” Youngjae answered weakly, not quit meeting Mark's eyes. He was the addition here, the extra.

 

It was quiet between them for a while, before hands search for his own and enclosed them. “Look at me?” Mark voice went up, insinuating a question rather than a demand, and Youngjae followed. “Here is no yours and mine, everything is ours now, okay. The last thing I want is for you to feel unwanted here and you certainly don't have to ask for permission or something. I know it will be hard for the first few weeks. Hell, communication between two people is already hard, let alone three, but we need to do so, if we want this to work.”

 

Youngjae was sure, he had never heard Mark say so much in one go. “Okay,” he replied, feeling a little better and just as was about to get up, Mark surged forwards and kissed him, eliciting a sweet sigh from Youngjae. _This_ definitely cured his anxieties a little bit.

 

“No proper good morning and leaving without a proper goodbye,” Mark shook his head with a disappointed expression, getting a titter and a shove in the process. “Sorry Hyung, I will work on it,” Youngjae said more happily now. When he opened the door, Mark called for him once more and Youngjae turned around. “What do you do tomorrow night?” The older asked. “Nothing, I think, maybe study or train Coco a little more. She still doesn't like to heel, I really need to work on this. It's especially bad, when we meet other dogs,” he didn't notice he was rumbling, until he spotted Mark's smile growing. Youngjae cleared his throat.

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, we want to take you out on a first date and talk about everything,” Mark said with a blinding grin. Youngjae felt his heartbeat speed up, they had been out plenty of times, but this was their _first_ as a Three way couple.There it was again, the prickling sensation running through his body into his fingertips. “I'd like that.” 

 

 

Real to Jackson's words, they took the car and Youngjae was more than thankful, since the weather was still acting up. Angry snowflakes splashed against the windows trying to force their way in. If they had taken the metro, their clothes would have been thoroughly drenched by now, so the younger was glad about such a comfort.

 

When they reached the apartment, the familiar whining was heard as he inserted the key to unlock the door. As soon as Coco saw that Youngjae wasn't alone, she left her owner and went to nose at Jackson's leg. The older crouched down to touch her head carefully, which was more than welcomed by the small white fluffball. “I think she likes you, Hyung,” Youngjae said, leading to Jackson screeching and making cooing sounds at the dog.

 

They still needed to walk Coco and the younger really wasn't looking forward to being outside with the current weather conditions. So, Youngjae made sure Jackson was packed in a rain coat. He even shared his scarf _(Jackson's own anyway)_ with him, but only with the promise to return it to Youngjae since it had been adapted as a lucky charm and did a great job. Jackson found this rather adorable, but he tried to not let his amusement show.

 

To the black-haired's luck his roommates were gone and he didn't have to tolerate their smug faces and hushed voices, he could deal with that later without Jackson being present as a witness.

 

The summer seemed to be indefinitely out of reach and Youngjae couldn't wait for warmer days to appear. Youngjae walked quietly next to Jackson, but slowly felt a hand grab his own. He send a smile in Jackson's direction and intertwined their gloved hands. “When did you get her?” Jackson asked after a while. “She was a present.” The left eyebrow in Jackson's face went up, and for a fleet moment Youngjae was envious of that ability, before he focused and told Jackson the story of his roommates giving him the dog. And he wanted to be truthful here, so he told Jackson why Yugyeom and Bambam gifted him Coco in the first place.

 

“I wasn't at a good place at that point and even though it seemed to be a spur of a moment to get a pet for your own stability, Coco gave me a lot of strength.” Jackson squeezed his leather glove. “I wished you would have talked to us.” Youngjae laughed humorlessly. “Hyung, you and Mark-Hyung were part of it, so unfortunately talking to you was not an option.” He saw Jackson bite his lip, and he knew Jackson felt guilty, but there was no way any of this was worth to feel guilty over. This whole process is not a thing that could have been avoided, so being remorseful was unnecessary.

 

Youngjae turned to Jackson and looked around before he leaned forward and placed a kiss on Jackson's lips. He couldn't get over the feeling how pleasant it felt to be able to just kiss Jackson freely. As he was about to pull back, soft wool gloves cupped his cheeks and prolonged the play of their lips. When Youngjae finally pulled away he saw with delight that Jackson's cheeks had turned the same crimson color, he was sure his own were tinted in.

 

A pull on the leash broke their bubble, but turned into a little shy laugh from both of them.

They walked a few more hundred meters before they finally reached the dog park. Unlike last time he went, there were way more dogs this time, and to his dismay more people. When he let go of Jackson's hand out of reflex, he immediately turned to him, but only to be met with a soft gaze. “Hyung, is this okay?” He still wanted to make sure, he didn't hurt Jackson's feelings. “Jae-yah, Mark and I had way more years to get used to it. You had what, barely a few weeks, we will do this at your pace. All right? So don't worry.” The black haired boy was thankful, for their thoughtfulness and understanding.

 

As they shut the metallic gate, Youngjae gave Coco the sign to sit down and as soon as she did, he unleashed her, this time though she waited for his command to run freely. With a warmed heart, he saw how she was directly adopted into the group of dogs already present.

 

Youngjae turned to Jackson. “We didn't get to finish our earlier conversation, nothing could have changed what I went through last month, and believe me,” he shyly smiled at Jackson, “I would do it all the same, if it means I can be with you and Mark-Hyung.” Jackson wore a serious expression, and Youngjae almost thought he said something wrong, before the older's hand moved over his own heart. “Ah, don't say something like that, if you don't want to get tackled right here and now into the snow.” The statement made Youngjae bubble up until his laugh was ringing loudly through the snow clouded landscape.

 

~~  
~~

 

Jackson had been invited to stay longer, but the older wanted to make sure Mark didn't forget to eat and stayed hydrated, since the other tended to do so and it was already late. Youngjae could absolutely understand that and said goodbye, but not without letting Jackson steal two more kisses, he should also forward to Mark.

 

“Ah, before I forget it. Tomorrow at seven and we'd like you to stay the night.” With those words Jackson stole one more kiss and left the apartment.

 

~~  
~~

 

The sound of Coco's high pitched bark caught Youngjae's attention, which had been focus on school work moments before. Originally he wanted to monitor his own performance from the evening before, but Jaebum had advised him to do it a few days after, when the memory was still fresh, but the emotions had faded a little. So, he focused on the assignment for another class he still had to finish.

 

The small bundle of white fur only stopped barking, when Bambam entered his room, Yugyeom right behind him. They sat down on his bed and Coco ecstatically ran over to be lifted up on Bambam's lap. “So? I assume, things are better now, since you didn't come back until we left today.” There it was those complacent faces, but Youngjae couldn't really be annoyed at that, since he was thankful for everything they have done for him.

 

“Since you mentioned it, the last time I recalled, I invited you two to come to my performance, what happened with that?” And they didn't even had the decency to look somewhat apologetic about this. “You said if we had time, but unfortunately we had something else to do.” Yugyeom raised his shoulders cheekily.

 

“Let's cut to the chase, you seem quite in the mood. Did something good happen? Or do we need to kick you out?” Bambam reminded Youngjae about his previous message. Youngjae puffed up his cheeks, feigning irritation, before he broke into a blinding smile. “Well, it's new and all, I don't know we haven't talked about it sufficiently enough, but I guess I have a date tomorrow.” Coco shrieked from her sleep at the loud clap sound ringing from the high five Yugyeom and Bambam shared.

 

~~  
~~

 

It was a few minutes before seven and Youngjae was pacing up and down the living room, feeling nervous and skittish. Bambam was just too glad to take Coco for one more night, apparently Coco was a perfect wing-woman, since she loved attention and Bambam did as well. But he needed to talk to Jackson and Mark about placing a second set of items Coco needed in their flat. Because Coco belonged to him and Youngjae, Youngjae belonged to Mark and Jackson. He blushed at the thought. Or so he hoped.

 

Bambam and Yugyeom, he swore the sweetest beings on earth, helped him once again with the perfect outfit and Bambam even did his hair after he showered for the special occasion.

He felt even more nervous then two nights ago for his performance evening. It was stupid and he knew it.

 

The door bell rang. “Hyung, stop hesitating and get the door,” Bambam called from his room. And he was right, why was it such a big deal? It's not the first time, but it kind of is a _first_. 

When he opened the door, he was met with the two most stunning beings in the world. “Jae-yah, let me tell you, you look incredible,” Jackson stated before he pulled Youngjae forward and kissed him sweetly. By the time Mark repeated the motion, Youngjae was a blushing mess and to his misfortune, he heard some giggling in the background.

 

Bambam and Yugyeom stood in the doorway watching them curiously. Luckily, they couldn't embarrass Youngjae any further as the moment was broken by the white fur ball running towards him. When he heard a squeal next to him, the youngest and Jackson looked at Mark who already crouched down to let Coco sniff at him. “My, aren't you a pretty one. The pictures couldn't even do you right,” after a while Mark got up again and asked Youngjae if they could take her with them the next time, which was more than welcomed by the younger.

 

Youngjae petted his dog affectionately as a goodbye, but threw a stern face in the direction of his roommates, who only gave him a thumbs up. As they reached Mark's car, to his astonishment Mark opened the passenger seat's door and ushered Youngjae inside, while he took place in the back of the car and placed Youngjae's stay over bag next to him. Jackson, evidently would drive the car tonight.

 

“Hyung, you can sit in the front. I really don't mind sitting in the back,” Youngjae turned his face to look at Mark, who only shook his head in response. “No, Jackson and me, we talked about it. And I think it will be best if we rotate. The small things also matter,” and Youngjae couldn't even describe what such a small gesture meant to him, so he only smiled, before it turned cheeky. “Hyung, does that mean I can drive your Baby as well?” And at the puzzled expression on Mark's face, not only Youngjae had to crack up but also Jackson, who watched the other through the rear mirror.

 

The joke lightened up the slightly tense mood immensely, relaxing them all. It stayed throughout the thirty minute ride. When Youngjae got aware of his surroundings again, they entered a neighborhood unknown to him and after a few minutes the car stopped on a parking spot. Mark already had opened his door and pulled him out of the car. The youngest spotted neon illuminated Chinese characters on the building next to the parking lot. “This is our favorite restaurant, they have the most authentic Chinese food here in Seoul,” Jackson explained proudly, “and believe me, I have done research.”

 

The restaurant itself was small and cozy, making every costumer feel homey and warm. A small sound of a bell implied the entrance of new costumers. When the man, sitting at the cash register spotted them, he came around the counter and hugged Mark and Jackson tightly. They chatted a while in Mandarin and Youngjae couldn't help it, but feel a little left out. It wasn't the first time Mark and Jackson had talked in Mandarin before, the circumstances now, though, were different. After a while the man shook Youngjae's hand and showed them their table in the corner of the room.

 

As the man left, Mark turned to Youngjae. “Since it's our field of expertise, we will order for you today, okay? Is there anything you absolutely don't like except cucumbers?” And the little discomfort went away just like that. Mark knew his worst enemy, and Youngjae couldn't remember even telling them at all. It made his heart light.

 

“I'm not that much a fan of liver in general. I once tried foie gras at a french restaurant my parents wanted to try so badly and I think I got traumatized for life,” he lifted his hand dramatically over his heart and was met with a giggle over his antics. “I die for chicken feet though, if you want to order those, I'd love to kiss you.”

 

“So chicken feet it will be,” Jackson quickly said. “Now you owe me a kiss.” Silly Jackson, not that Youngjae minded.

 

When the owner came back, Mark and Jackson got lost in ordering half of the menu and only turned to him, as he was asked for a drink. He ordered a beer and Mark joined him, since this time Jackson had to drive them home. As the food arrived after a while Youngjae was sure Mark and Jackson wanted to fatten him up. “And who is supposed to finish this?” Youngjae asked disbelievingly.

 

“You got way too skinny the last month. We will make sure you are gonna stay healthy this time, since exam phase will come up soon,” Jackson said, while reaching for one of the plates filled with a dim sum Youngjae has never seen before. “Hyung, don't remind me. How can you be so cruel?” the black haired boy whined. He just finished his performance project and didn't want to think about the upcoming exam phase.

 

“I'm sorry, you're right. I hated it, too, whenever someone would mention it,” Jackson apologized with a sheepish smile. “So Youngjae how was your break? How is your mother? Is she better?” Mark asked genuinely concerned. And then it was as if the dam was broken and Youngjae started to spill everything. How much Coco loved the beach, how annoying it was to help out at the restaurant especially during the holidays, how his mother got gradually better every day, how much he had missed his brother and how he came out to his parents.

 

The last statement made Jackson drop his chopsticks. “You did what? Not that I'm not proud, but it took me quiet a while to come out to my family,” Jackson muttered still shocked about the turn of events. Youngjae felt shy talking about it, particularly since his mother still didn't talk to him.

 

Mark gave his thigh an encouraging squeeze and Youngjae continued to tell that his brother was his biggest strength through the process and without him Youngjae couldn't have done it. But he also admitted that now his former greatest supporter, his mom, probably thought less of him, a failure even. Jackson stopped him right there. “Look, your no failure. Don't let anybody tell you that not even family. You are Youngjae, our cute otter, with the most amazing voice I've ever heard.”

 

Youngjae reached over the table and took Jackson's hand in his. He mouthed a small _thank you_ , before the younger finally started to devour the chicken feet. In return Youngjae asked how the winter break was for his Hyungs. 

 

The evening progressed nicely, even when the topic from the day before arrived, public affection. Youngjae apologized once more to Jackson about the day before, but Jackson only waved it off.

 

Jackson acted the same as before the whole romantic feelings were involved, so Youngjae should accept the touches just the same. But somehow it wasn't as easy. It wasn't that he was ashamed, no way, he mostly felt shy and overwhelmed. And that was what he told the other two in a quiet voice and they couldn't be more supportive, stating they had all the time to get used to it together.

 

Youngjae was sure, they had some kind of manual on 'how to talk to Choi Youngjae'. They should keep it, it worked wonders. “Let's eat and talk more about this at home, okay?” Mark patted his hair.

  
_Home._

 

There it was again. It made him feel tingly, the prickling even reached the tips of his fingers. But the word also reminded him of Coco and how he wanted her to be just as welcomed inside their flat. “Hyungs, you both liked Coco right?”

 

“How could we not?” Mark asked, slurping a spoon full of his wan tan soup. Youngjae took that as his cue to ask further, when Mark spoke again. “I already ordered a bed and some toys online, so she can come over anytime.” Youngjae couldn't believe that people like Mark and Jackson were even real, because who would be so thoughtful? It was a super sweet gesture, but they paid. Again.

 

“Ah, that's really nice of you, but tell me what you get for that.” Mark and Jackson stopped eating and looked at him dumbfounded. “Just see it as a present,” Jackson tried to bring the topic to an end. “Another one? And since we're on it, the piano was way too much. Please let me pay you back.”

 

“Yeah, never in a million years. Just accept it,” Mark smiled at him. “But,” Youngjae wanted to interfere, until Jackson cut him off. “Jae-yah, students should only focus on university and let the Hyungs take care of them. And finally we have a reason to justify it.”

 

Youngjae looked at him speechless, what the hell was that supposed to mean? As if the brown haired man read his mind, he added: “Since you're our boyfriend and all, so won't you let Hyungs spoil you?” If not the statement punched the air out of his body, the warm gazes on Jackson and Mark's faces made him shut up and just accept the fact. “Fine,” he grumbled, “but don't be sure this will be the last time I mention it.” He took another chicken feet and devoured it in a minute, the flavor was just too good. Jackson and Mark just looked at him adoringly.

 

When they were all full and the two beer Youngjae drank left a nice buzz streaming through him, they went upfront to pay the bill. This time Youngjae accepted his fate wordlessly and let himself get pampered by his Hyungs, he would do something in return soon, he was sure of it.

 

The drive through the light flooded city was fast, since it was already 11 p.m. on a Sunday night. Youngjae shouldn't wonder anymore, how they always knew Youngjae's daily appointments for the days, but he was off until the afternoon the next day and Jackson told him, that the two didn't have to work at all. The thought of Mark finally being able to rest put Youngjae at ease.

 

The car came to halt and they took the elevator upstairs. Somehow the situation tensed up the closer they got to the flat. Mark opened up the door and Youngjae got rid of his shoes in the entryway before he shyly stepped into the room.

 

He had been here only a day before, but now he felt small in the big apartment. “Tea?” Jackson asked next to him. So, when Youngjae nodded the other snug a hand around his hips to pull him close to place a sweet kiss on Youngjae's cheek. “What flavor?” The older called from the kitchen while Youngjae followed Mark into the living room.

 

“Any, I don't care,” he said back loud enough for Jackson to hear and making Mark chuckle. “Are you sure to let him be in charge of your tea? Do I have to remind you of the organic green tea?” Mark pulled Youngjae next to him on the sofa and pushed a few loose strands on the younger's face back behind his cute ears. Youngjae giggled. “It wasn't that bad.”

 

After a while Jackson joined them with two teas and a water. “What about my coffee?” Mark pouted. “If you want to sleep tonight, just drink the water.” Youngjae thanked Jackson and took the tea from him to blow over the surface, causing little pattern on it. “Otter, I hope you know how serious we are about this, yeah?” Jackson placed a kiss on Youngjae's nape, surprising the younger, who almost dropped his tea. “Hyung,” he yelped, making Jackson and Mark share a look. “So sensitive,” Jackson aspirated and took the cup out of Youngjae's hands.

 

“We think it would be best, we talk about some rules.” And Youngjae couldn't agree more, communication between three would be truly a piece of work. “I think we can all agree on voicing one's thoughts if someone's uncomfortable. So tell us, Jae-yah, when you don't like something, okay?” Youngjae nodded and realized that Mark and Jackson closed the space between them. “We want you to feel just as included. Assure you, you're just as much a part of it,” Jackson kissed his neck once more, letting him shudder in excitement. “As Mark and me.”

 

“If you agree, we can show you exactly how much we want you here,” Mark caressed his cheek lightly. “The month without you was horrible and we want you to feel appreciated, okay?” Youngjae nodded.

 

The older leaned forward and connected their lips in a heated kiss. Even though Youngjae hasn't expected events to turn that fast, he couldn't deny he wanted this just as much.

 

Youngjae felt ashamed, but in his darkest and naughtiest moments, he had used the heat of his dreams to pleasure himself. The real thing though, feeling their touches and kisses was better than anything he had imagined. And Youngjae was selfish, there was absolutely no feeling than being in the center of these two men. Figuratively and literally.

 

When Mark broke the kiss, the black haired boy was pulled up into a standing position, before he was turned around and met with a fierce kiss by Jackson. Meanwhile Mark sucked on his nape, making him whine into the kiss. Jackson used the space to push his hot tongue slowly inside Youngjae's mouth, letting it feel around before he invited the younger's to play with his own.

 

Jackson pulled his tongue back and pecked his lips, before he searched for Mark's eyes. “Want to go to the bedroom?” Mark asked close to his ear, making his breath hitch. Youngjae searched for his voice, but was unable to speak so he only hummed in response and nodded to support his opinion.

 

Mark put his hands on Youngjae's belly and pushed the younger's body forward with his own, while Jackson took one of Youngjae's hands, kissed it and pulled him along.

 

They stopped in front of the bed and soon Youngjae felt warm bodies press up against his front and backside. Lips grazed over his body, leaving him feel delirious. His own were sealed once more, when tentative fingers played around the hem of his blue hoodie. “Is it okay for me to take this off?” Jackson whispered against his pink lips and all Youngjae could do was lift his arms, giving Jackson the space to pull the clothing over his head.

 

The shirt he wore underneath was pulled off as well, so Youngjae's naked torso shuddered due to the drop of temperature inside the room. A moment later an equally shirtless body pressed against his back again. Mark must have removed his own as well, not like Youngjae minded. “Should we proceed to the bed?” Mark questioned, before he nibbled at the cartilage of Youngjae's ear, making sweet sounds tumble from the younger's lips.

 

Jackson took it in him to move them forward and push Youngjae softly down onto the silky sheets. But before he was joined by his Hyungs, Mark dragged Jackson flat against him and kissed him deeply. If Youngjae wasn't aroused before, he was it definitely now, when Jackson shoved his tongue inside Mark's mouth as if it was pure saccharine, the sweetest delicacy.

 

When they broke the kiss, their gaze shifted to Youngjae and he shivered at the hungry looks thrown his way as if the bed was a silver dinner tray and he was the main course deliciously served. He moved aback to make space for Jackson and Mark to join him. In a blink of an eye the bed was occupied by three people.

 

Mark took the opportunity to claim Youngjae's lips with his own, while Jackson moved to his clavicle, biting the creamy skin right above it. Youngjae outright moaned when the pain swept through his entire body turning into heat pooling in his middle section.

 

The red haired man to his right side, pulled him in once more and kissed him again. Mark let his tongue dart out and drew it slowly over Youngjae's lips, coaxing his mouth to open and the younger complied instantly, inviting the older's tongue inside. The possessive grip of Mark's hand, left himself want to press against the other even more. The fingers dug into his neck causing the area to burn just right.

 

Youngjae felt a tongue swirl around his nipple and hands traced figures over his belly, steadily wandering downwards, indicating where the next stop would be. And as he felt fingers experimentally run down his clothed thighs, he broke the kiss and sighed mellifluously. His eyes searched for Jackson, who kneeled between his opened legs and stared right back at them. “Jackson come on, free our little angel. Is it okay, Jae-yah?” Youngjae looked to his right and then back to Jackson, who waited patiently for his answer, even though he seemed pretty affected himself.

 

And Youngjae searched for his voice which normally was always so present, but now the words got stuck and he could only nod. “You can always say stop, otter,” Jackson reassured him once more, before he waited a split of a second, a chance for Youngjae to reconsider. And only this tender gesture made Youngjae absolutely sure about what he wanted. The younger looked for Jackson's hand, took it and lead it to his waistband – squeezing it once more, before he tugged Mark's hair to move their lips together. 

 

This time, Youngjae kissed Mark eagerly, taking control to distract himself about what was about to happen and when he pulled on Mark's strands, the older sighed deeply. The sound shot right into his still wrapped up erection. Youngjae was hooked, he wanted more. 

 

Jackson removed his pants and panties bit by bit, and Youngjae knew he could have said stop at any point, but he didn't. He just buried his head into the crook of Mark's neck flustered. As every piece of clothing was gone from his body, the moment stopped. Youngjae was too afraid to even breath, until he heard Jackson clear his voice. 

 

“You're so gorgeous, our sweet boy,” he spoke with a husky voice, making Youngjae look up and saw the older's gaze slide over his nude frame, taking in the sight in front of him. Mark next to him petted his hair and hummed in acknowledgment, before he whispered. “ _ So. Pretty. _ ” 

 

Jackson lifted his leg and pressed a kiss against the inner side of his thigh, making Youngjae quiver and whine attractively. 

 

Youngjae didn't only want to lie there, taking without giving, so he turned his head back to let his tongue run over the protruding vein on Mark's neck. Mark's appearance itself was already heavenly enough, but when his jugular stuck out, it did certain things to Youngjae. The deep growl he earned in response, made him hungry to hear more. 

 

“Otter, there is a spot right under his ear,” Jackson muttered against his thigh, placing hickey next to hickey on his milky skin, wanting to mark the younger as theirs. Youngjae understood immediately and before Mark could react to the statement, Youngjae sent his tongue upwards to lick and suck at said point. It earned him a sharp moan and greedily he sucked again. The noise was reward enough and made Youngjae feel brave. “Hyung,” he whispered. “Can you take off your pants? I also want to see you.” 

 

Mark was happy to follow his wish. So, when the pants where gone, Mark pressed his beautiful body against Youngjae's side. And Youngjae, Youngjae felt  _ everything _ . The feeling of a naked body against his own and Mark's growing erection made Youngjae excited and hot.  _ So hot. _ Jackson was still blemishing his thighs, moving over to the sensitive skin on his hip bone, nibbling here and there, but never giving in, where Youngjae needed him the most. 

 

His head was tilted back, to give Mark enough space to nip on his mandible bone, placing open mouthed kisses under his chin, before the older moved up and kissed him again. And Youngjae didn't think he could ever get enough of these kisses. 

 

Soft fingertips brushed over his pink nipple, while hard teeth almost broke his skin. He whimpered and pressed his nails into Mark's back. The older stopped the kiss and searched for Jackson's presence. “Jacks, stop torturing our baby. He is doing so well,” at the last words he looked back at Youngjae, smiling softly. “I know, but his thighs are just so pretty, I can barely withstand. Also isn't he the cutest, whining like this?” Jackson rubbed the maltreated skin, making Youngjae almost sob. 

 

“See, the sweetest,” Jackson looked at him fervently. “Please,” Youngjae whispered, feeling powered out without even doing anything. The whispered plea, made Jackson's eyes burn with lust, before he dove between his thighs and licked his tip teasingly. “Like this Youngjae?” He finally got the attention exactly where he wanted it, and only mewled at the brief touch to his neglected erection. “Please, Jackson-Hyung,” and apparently that was all Jackson needed, before he grabbed the end of him with his fingers and sucked shortly on his tip, before he swallowed him whole. 

  
Youngjae didn't know, how to deal with all the sensation, Mark was still playing with his perky nipples, varying between the sides and all he could do, to bear the extreme heat was close his eyes. Immediately Mark lifted the younger's head. “Sweet boy, look at Jackson.” Youngjae whimpered in response and shuddered. “Look how stunning he is, while taking care of you. Let me see how good you feel as he does it. Believe me his mouth does wonders, don't you agree?” And Youngjae wanted to, he wanted to tell Mark so badly what Jackson mouth did to him. 

 

But every time he opened his own, the only things leaving it were high pitched moans. Hopefully Mark could understand just how he felt at that very moment. Overwhelmed and so, so  _ good. _

 

Youngjae wanted to grab something, anything and was surprised, when just in that moment Jackson's hand took his own and guided it to his hair. Instantly he grabbed the shock of hair, pulling slightly on it, making Jackson moan around his member. 

 

In the corner of his eye, he saw Mark's hand moving to his own dick, which was now fully erect and screamed to be touched. And while Youngjae's one hand was still buried in Jackson's hair, tugging on it, every time Jackson let his tongue dart out and swirl around his tip just right, his other hand made its way towards Mark's erection. 

 

The other seemed to realize his thoughts and stopped his hand midway. “Don't worry Jae, this is all about you. I can take care of it myself. You should just let us show you, how much you mean to us, so relax and enjoy.” The older placed a kiss against his temple. The younger knew, he didn't have to, but he wanted to. He took his hand from Mark's and looked him firmly in the eye. “But I want to, Hyung.” 

 

The other's black orbs pierced through him and before Youngjae could do anything, he was guided into an other feverish kiss. Tongues brushing against each other and Youngjae realized he couldn't hang on much longer with all the intensity he felt. 

 

Jackson though had other plans, as he slowly pulled off and went back up snitching Youngjae's face from Mark, which made the other laugh. The brown haired man pulled Youngjae's lower lip with his teeth before he involved the younger's tongue into a sweet slow kiss, unfitting the previous pace, but just as welcomed. “Just missed your lips. But no worries, I always finish what I started,” and with those words Jackson went back between his thighs, lifting one leg over his shoulder to give him more space. 

 

After that Youngjae realized Mark's missing body and just as he wanted to voice it out, warmth pressed right against him. “So you want to help?” Mark asked darkly beside him, and Youngjae nodded coyly. A click of a cap was heard and Mark squeezed some lube on Youngjae's hand. “Then take Hyung in your hand.” And shyly he wrapped his right hand around Mark's straining erection. The lube making the slide easy and comfortable. 

 

“Turn your wrist a little, when you go up.” Youngjae did so and the deep groan which followed was just because of him. “Just like that, you feel so good Jae-yah.” Mark pressed an open mouthed kiss against his shoulder. 

 

Soon though his movements became sluggish as his own long overdue orgasm built itself up, and after a while he forgot to move his hand at all, grabbing fistfuls of Jackson's hair. Jackson had begun to vary between sucking his tip and taking him as far as he could, meeting the back of his throat. 

Mark wrapped his hand around Youngjae's and continued to stroke himself. Youngjae threw him an apologetic look, making Mark laugh. “Don't worry, we will finish it together. I didn't joke right, his mouth is awesome.” And he was absolutely right. Jackson tight, wet mouth was actual heaven. 

 

And then it happened faster than Youngjae could comprehend. He pulled on Jackson's hair and breathed out a weak “Hyung” to warn the other. Jackson, however, didn't show any intention of letting go of him soon. That's when Youngjae saw it, Jackson jerking himself off, while taking care of Youngjae. And noticing that and Mark using his hand to pleasure himself, was seriously the hottest thing Youngjae has ever seen. He tumbled over the edge, when he came hotly right down Jackson's throat. “Just like that, Baby.” Mark moaned into his ear, making the shudder even more extreme. 

 

Jackson sucked him through his orgasm, and even before he came down from his high, he felt Mark next to him tensing, before white ropes covered their hands and Youngjae's side. Youngjae felt his soft member leaving the hotness of Jackson mouth and the older crawled next Mark, who looked at him with loving eyes. They shared a sweet kiss, before doing the same to Youngjae. And the younger could only be slightly embarrassed about everybody having a taste of him. 

 

They relished in the aftermath of their satisfactions and if Youngjae had felt protected between them before, the feeling was nothing compared to there skin on skin contact. He could feel every move, every increased heartbeat and every feathery touch. Even though Jackson mouth had been heaven, this was even better. But as soon as they calmed down again, he felt shy and lowered his head. 

 

“Jae, what's wrong? Didn't it feel good?” Jackson asked worriedly, trying to make out what went wrong, when Youngjae's shoulder's began to twitch. Mark looked just as panicked, before Youngjae lifted his head and started a full blown laugh. “Are you for real, Hyung? You must know, it felt pretty damn good, but...I'm just,” the blush was evident on his cheeks, “shy.” He let his eyes search for Jackson's and was met with doting ones in return. Mark behind him though, just scoffed. “Seriously? The boy who wanted to give me a handjob so dearly, feels shy now.”

 

“Hyung,” Youngjae gasped, pushing his head into Jackson's bare chest, making the other two chuckle. Jackson let go of him for a moment and went away. A second later he returned with a warm cloth cleaning them all up.

 

They got back to bed and due to his Hyung's surprise Youngjae insisted on not sleeping in the middle, since they would rotate for car seats, they could also rotate for this. Finally they settled on Mark sleeping in the center this time and decided next time, it would be Jackson's spot. 

 

_ Next time. _

 

Right, this time it wasn't all just a dream and Youngjae would wake up any minute. This time it was real, true. 

 

Once they were all settled and everybody had their good night kiss, they still spoke a little, even though they were all tired. 

 

Mark drew flower pattern on Youngjae's back. “Jae-yah?” Jackson asked next to Mark, Youngjae hummed to show he was listening. “Just to get back to rules and stuff. You never need to ask for permission, Mark told me and you certainly don't have to feel guilty okay?” Youngjae nodded his head, which was lying on Mark's chest. “We are all equals here. We're yours, as you belong to us, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Youngjae whispered, heartbeat loud and accelerated, but his body was tingly all over.

And just as he thought the others were sleeping, Mark asked:

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“ _Yes_ , yes I am so happy,” he answered before he fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, hey, I will just hide in a corner, because it took me ages again and because of the smut. I don't know how others do it, smut is just so hard to write, srsly. And what's worse, I had to reread it. Twice. 
> 
> I hope you are all doing good. Thank you all so much for the comments, kudos. You supporting this story makes my day. <333 
> 
> Hope you are enjoying the tour, or will have the chance to enjoy it. Luckily I have the pleasure to see them live this time, since they are coming to Europe. 
> 
> (And to make up for the long wait, next chapter will come next weekend, because after that I will probably be on hiatus until July, because I have 9 exams all through June. Yeah, will be a fun month :) ) 
> 
> I wish you all a wonderful weekend, stay healthy y'all! <33


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Sexual content.

The week had been passing slowly. Nervously Youngjae ascended the stairs leading to his classroom. Today he would get the total evaluation of his performance project. He had watched his own performance multiple times yesterday, just to be prepared to face the critics – positive and negative.

 

As soon as he entered the room, heads turned his way making Youngjae tense up. He knew the other half of his course was on the edge because they still needed to perform in front of the judges tomorrow; Youngjae was just happy, that he was put in the first group.

 

Shortly after Youngjae sat down his teacher entered the room and started the lesson. Since this seminar focused mainly on those, who still had their performance in front of them, Youngjae tuned out after a few minutes of listening. He rather used this time to complete his exam study schedule. It was a little nerdy, but in the end it always payed off to have a period set to focus on and especially, what he wanted to accomplish within the certain time.

 

When their teacher bid them goodbye for the day, Youngjae packed his stuff and was almost out of the door, when his teacher called for him. “Youngjae-ssi,” Youngjae bowed his head slightly. “I was really impressed by your performance. You really lived up to your reputation, also the piece you chose, all in all, well done.” Looks as poisonous as snake bites bored through his backside, making Youngjae want nothing but to run.

 

Instead he bowed his head once more and thanked his teacher for the compliment. His teacher handed him the evaluation sheet. Then he waved him away and called Dongmin, the boy who had higher scores than Youngjae, probably to give him the same speech.

 

With fast steps the black haired boy left the seminar room and went for his next lecture.

 

When midday arrived Youngjae felt relieved. His day had started in the morning hours, but at least he was done early as well. He even walked Coco before going to the university, so he still had time until the dog needed to be walked again.

 

Youngjae had sent Jinyoung a text before to get the working address from Jackson, so he was more than puzzled when the older apparently wasn't working today. Confused he dialed his Hyung's number and waited for the other to pick up the line.

 

“Otter, _hey,_ ” Jackson greeted him happily. “Hyung, I am at your workplace and I thought you'd work today,” the younger looked once more as to make sure that Jackson really wasn't there. “I was supposed to, but I rescheduled my clients, so I have the afternoon off.” Youngjae smiled at that, hoping the other would rest. “Having a break?” 

  
“Unfortunately not quiet,” the older sighed through the phone. “Why though?” Youngjae looked the bag in his hand. “Well, I was already off and wanted to surprise visit you, since I knew your workplace was around the corner.”

  
“And I'm not there, when my precious otter comes to see me. But I'm still close, I'll send you my location and we can meet here, if you still have time?” The end of the sentence went up, making it a question rather than a demand, tentative, as if he was trying not to scare Youngjae away. Well, too late for that. Youngjae wouldn't go anywhere.

 

After another fifteen minute walk,Youngjae stood in front of a middle-rise building. He took the elevator to the 5 th floor and was surprised when there was literally nothing. The whole floor was only filled with construction tools and in the middle of it a brown haired tuft stood out. 

 

“Hyung, are you trying to kidnap me?” Youngjae looked around carefully, evading the material distributed on the ground. “Remember otter, you came to me on your own free will, you can hardly call this kidnapping,” as soon as the younger was within arms-reach, Jackson pulled him flush against his body and stole a kiss.

 

Youngjae returned it, while trying to balance the bag in his hand. After his lips were released, he looked around once again, this time more curiously. “Do you think about changing carriers? Want to become a construction worker?” The younger asked teasingly, earning him a bite to his shoulder.  _Ouch._ He giggled. 

 

“But seriously have you told Mark-Hyung about this?”

 

“Actually I have talked about this to Mark-” Youngjae cut off his word. “About changing your job? What did he say?” Youngjae grinned at Jackson, Jackson pinched his cheek in response. “Listen cheeky boy, or I'll feed you cucumbers.” The expression on Youngjae's face shifted into sheer horror. “Hyung,” he cried out. “Why are you so drastic?” Jackson only laughed loudly at that and pulled Youngjae to the far end of the room. A table and chairs were placed in one of the corners.   
  


“Did you bring Hyung food?” Youngjae nodded in response. “From the vegan shop, you talked about a few days ago.” Jackson looked utterly elated over some food. “Thanks otter. What a good boy, bringing me food.” _Oh_. No, not like this Youngjae. His cheeks dusted at the comment, but luckily Jackson didn't seem to notice, already to enticed by the different dishes in front of him.

 

Ever since the last sleep over,  _they_ were all Youngjae could think about. He pushed the thought to the deepest parts of his brain. The vibration of his phone took him back to the here and now. 

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

_Jackson-Hyung attached a picture._

 

**Jackson-Hyung:** Our sweet boy, brought me food. That's what you get for working on the other side of the city. 

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Not fair. :( 

 

Youngjae found them silly, but he loved every minute of it. Especially when Mark replied again.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Youngjae-yah!! Bring me food as well, be my food and mood fairy. 

 

**Youngjae:** I can't Hyung. :( Jackson-Hyung kidnapped me and now I'm in some weird building area.

 

**Mark-Hyung:** Oh, listen well Youngjae and tell me what you think later. 

 

They laid their phones aside and Jackson started eating immediately. “Hyung, mind to tell me, what you're doing here?” Jackson chewed and swallowed the portion in his mouth, then he put his chopsticks aside and looked at Youngjae. “Do you remember, when Mark was ill and I had to go to the this business fair.” The younger nodded. “I was looking for potential investors and to enlarge my client pool, that's why it was so important.” Youngjae looked at him with stunned eyes, before his gaze shifted around. “Hyung, are you..?” Jackson smiled so happily, it was contagious. “Yeah, I'm gonna go independent and opening up my own business.” The younger leaned over the small table and pecked the others' cheek. “I'm so happy for you, Hyung.”

 

Jackson showed him around a little more as well as the blueprints for the floor. The older told Youngjae all about his visions he finally got to realize and Youngjae, he was more than absolutely impressed. Speechless even. Jackson and Mark seemed like a far dream, dynamically so at the same level, there was no disparity. Just pure equality.

 

Youngjae on the other hand was still on his way, and he supposed it didn't matter to the two. But it kind of stung, slightly, afar. He shook the thoughts away and focused on his enamored boyfriend, who explained even the tiniest corner to him and held his hand firmly through it all.

 

~~  
~~

 

Final exams were outright the worst. The pressure Youngjae put on himself always gnawed away all his energy. At least he still rode high on a little more self-esteem than usual, thanks to his evaluation. The small points he had lost were just that – small. Overall the review was flattering and the critique itself was constructive, making sure Youngjae understood it. As soon as he had time to write music again, he could adopt the advice.

 

He revised the epochs for musical history once again. At some point his brain must have turned into a muddy, mellow mesh, otherwise he couldn't understand, how his head stopped working. Youngjae was legitimately about to pull his hair, when an equal frustrated face took the place in front of him.

 

The music major sent a weak smile to Jinyoung, who mouthed the words coffee, making Youngjae the happiest person in that library. With quick hands Youngjae searched for the plastic disc, clocking in forty-five minutes and laid it onto his books. He snatched his valuables and made his way to follow Jinyoung, who had already began to walk towards the exit.

 

As soon as they left the building, both breathed out heavily. “That bad, hmm?” Youngjae looked at his friend. “Worse.”

 

“You kinda seem more stressed than normally,” Youngjae couldn't help but notice the dark spots under Jinyoung's eyes. “Believe me I am. This year's exams are really demanding.”

 

They made their way to the little café next to the library, whose clients all were defeated and tired looking students. Youngjae went for his normal coffee, while Jinyoung ordered three espresso shots into his normal coffee, making Youngjae raise his eyebrows.

 

“You want to stay up all night?” Youngjae asked a little worried at this point. “That's exactly the plan, my friend,” Jinyoung almost moaned at the first sip of his coffee. They got a little table at one of the windows at the further end.

 

“And now tell me what else is bothering you, I know you're always a little grouchy, but today,” he let the end fade out, but Jinyoung still understood his intention. “It's just, there is no way for me to take off the stress.”

 

“Is there ever?” Youngjae didn't understand the point the other was trying to make. “Well, yeah. You know normally Jaebum-Hyung would satisfy my needs.” Immediately Youngjae's hands flew up over his ears, protecting them. “God, please don't. The last thing I want are these pictures in my mind.” Jinyoung looked a little offended by this. “Really, then imagine Bambam.” Youngjae grimaced with distaste. “The bad thing is, I don't even have to envision this. Bambam has a new hookup and they are not really decent. Our couch may rest well, because I'm only touching it with gloves from now on or never again.” Jinyoung almost spit out his coffee through the laughter. “No way.”

 

“I could only cover Coco's or my eyes and I didn't want to destroy Coco's innocence.”   
  
“You know, you could have just closed your eyes?” Jinyoung said in an amused voice. “I realized that, when I was in my room. I was just way to shocked to do anything else, but run.” He shook his head. “But why doesn't Jaebum-Hyung have time for you?” Youngjae tried to describe it in a less disturbing way.

 

Jinyoung then told him about Jaebum's own assignments and the exposé for his final thesis to be handed in at the end of the week. Most of the time Youngjae's adviser was either at the university or working. “You know even his studio had more visits than my bed.” Youngjae cringed again. “Well, just tell him.”

 

“Nah, I will just suck it up. I don't want to stress him any more than he already is. I just want to complain a little.” And Youngjae got that, sometimes one just needed to vent. Everything.

 

Youngjae looked at his phone, they still had fifteen more minutes before he had to be back at the library. When he lifted his gaze, he saw Jinyoung staring at him. “What?”, he asked. “I was just wondering how your love life is going?” Youngjae's mouth formed a silent _oh_. This was dangerous territory, even though Jinyoung had in some way given him his blessings, he still ought to be careful. “Ehm, okay I guess.” Going for an answer, which would give away absolutely nothing, but still replied to his question. 

 

“Jae, only because I don't understand it, doesn't mean you can't talk to me about it. I thought I made it clear last time. I support you fully. I mean I also can't understand how people can eat pickles on their burger or worse in general, but that doesn't mean I stopped talking to everybody who does it.” A shy smile crept on Youngjae's face, turning the corner of his mouth upwards. “I also like pickles on my burger.”

 

“Okay, that's it. I quit our friendship.” Jinyoung was about to stand up, but sat down again, when he heard Youngjae's full laugh. “I had a long-ass conversation with Mark-Hyung the other day, so don't worry okay?” Youngjae just nodded this time. “So now spill.” For a moment Youngjae just sat there collecting his thoughts. “It is a little weird, they were together for so long already, but it just feels right, when I'm with them. Cuddled on the sofa or forcing Mark-Hyung to put something else into his system than coffee in the morning.” Jinyoung grinned from ear to ear now. “Look at you being all domestic. So how are the other aspects, you know?” He wiggled his eyebrows rapidly, making Youngjae snort.

  
“Oh no look at the time. We need to get back, damn.” Youngjae quickly stood up and made his way back to the library followed by a complaining Jinyoung.

 

~~  
~~

 

Halfway through his exams, the energy he started with was slowly sucked out of his body. This usually happened and he was glad it would be all over in less than two weeks. Jackson and Mark couldn't have been sweeter, pampering him all the time. Bringing him food and walking Coco, when he had no time even though the other two were crazily busy themselves. He felt bad, especially upon seeing the tired faces of his boyfriends. Youngjae told them then to focus on themselves instead of him, but it was like talking to a wall, they wouldn't listen.

 

Sometimes they would snuck in during the night after long work days and cuddle Youngjae, comforting him. They stayed over quiet a lot during Youngjae's exam phase and even though his bed was definitely not made for three people to sleep in. They made it happen effortlessly. And if Jackson fell from the bed once, nobody had to know. _(it kind of made Youngjae's day)_

 

The next few days he ran between exams, studying and work. At work the shift never seemed to end, while during studying the time rushed through his hands and he wished the day would have more hours.

 

When the two weeks were over, Youngjae literally was a mess. A sleep deprived chaos on two legs. So, as soon as he would arrive at home, he just wanted to take a hot shower, snuggle with Coco and maybe call his boyfriends.

 

His plans were crossed, when he saw the familiar black car parking on the opposite side of the street, his owners probably already seated in Youngjae's room. Since the two walked Coco often, Youngjae found it easier to give them a key, not without his roommates approval though. With sluggish steps Youngjae went up the flight of stairs and walked the corridor up to his shared apartment. When he came close he could already hear eager voices, as well as an excited dog.

 

As Youngjae opened the door, the voices became clearer, but he still couldn't understand anything, since the other two were talking in a mix of Chinese and English. His boyfriends didn't do it often and they were really careful to not use it around him. First he thought it was nice, they taking care of him, but now he felt like he was restricting them again, even at small parts like this.

 

The door shut behind him with a _bang_ , scaring the black haired boy and alerting everybody present. “Youngjae-yah?” Jackson called. He stepped into the living room, only to find the cute picture of his boyfriends sitting on the floor and playing with Coco. “Hyungs,” Youngjae said in a tired, but still cheering voice. “I didn't know you would come today.”

 

“Of course you dork. Today was your last exam, right?” Youngjae shook his head in agreement. Yeah it was, finally. “Good, you know this time, we really came to kidnap you.”

Youngjae looked at them puzzled. “What? Hyungs, I'm really happy you're here, but originally I just wanted to sleep.” Mark chuckled. “Believe me, where we will take you, you can sleep plenty.”

 

“A sleep laboratory?”

 

Jackson laughed loudly. “Sure, our trip is to the sleep laboratory, we just wanted to analyze your REM phase.” They ushered him into his room and in less than twenty minutes, Youngjae packed a bag with all his essentials and two sets of clothing, which were more than enough, because ' _he wouldn't need those anyway._ ' At those words Youngjae gave them a shocked impression, which only earned him laughter and a _'not like that'_.

 

“Are we taking my baby girl?” Youngjae looked at Mark, who shook his head, negating his question. “But we spoke to Bambam and Yugyeom, they were already done with exams a week ago and they don't have to work this weekend.” Youngjae didn't know that, but then he has barley seen the other two, so it wasn't special that Mark and Jackson knew better. Even at work the three had different shifts, where Youngjae had to work with a newbee, which only fueled his stress level. So maybe a short getaway didn't sound that bad.

 

“Ah, Hyung, did you tell-?” “Yes, I said the dog is only allowed to witness PG13 material, so say goodbye to our princess. We should get going before the evening rush hour traffic would start,” Mark arranged his watch, to keep an eye on the time.

 

Youngjae pressed Coco to his body and pressed two kisses on her head, making the dog lick his cheek in response. The boy giggled.

 

Youngjae insisted on claiming the backseat, since he was still deadly tired, so he assumed that he would probably sleep the whole way. And after a few minutes of the slow drift through the late afternoon, his breath evened out without noticing the cooing eyes his boyfriend sent his way.

 

A small shake woke him form his slumber. “Jae-yah,  _baby_ , come on, we're here.” And even though he was still half asleep, the small word had Youngjae really trying to wake up, not knowing if the other really said it or he just heard it semisomnolent. But when a hand carded through his hair softly, Youngjae knew it was real. It wasn't by all the first time one of them called him baby, but the other times always happened in certain situations. And now he found it the most intimate, without any context, just for him, because the other cared. 

 

Mark shook him once more and Youngjae finally opened his eyes and looked around a little lost. “Where is Jackson-Hyung?” His voice still rough from sleeping. “How long did we drive and where are we?” Mark smiled at him, before taking his hand and kissing his palm. “Jackson is inside, checking us in. Let's go.” Mark unbuckled his seatbelt and went to the trunk to get their baggage. Youngjae hurried outside and took two bags out of Mark's hand, only to drop them when he turned around.

 

“Hyung,” he cried in delight. “You took me to the hot springs?” Astonishment written deeply on Youngjae's face. And Mark let his bags drop himself, to catch the body koala hugging him. “I always wanted to go to one.”

 

“Well, someone seems happy,” a voice sounded in the distance. Youngjae whipped his head around to see Jackson and a small woman next to him, dressed in a beautiful kimono. He untangled himself from Mark with a crimson red face and took the fallen bags to go to Jackson's side.

 

As soon as him and Mark reached Jackson, the woman introduced herself and the establishment again. The spa was designed in a Japanese style, hence the woman wearing traditional Japanese clothing. The woman would serve them for the weekend and they shouldn't hesitate to call her, if there was something they needed.

 

They were given a menu, where they could choose the dishes for their whole stay. The woman slowed down and came to halt in front of one of the rooms. She pulled out a card and opened the door for them. The three male went inside and Youngjae tried to clench his jaw, careful not to let it drop open.

 

“You have your own bath in the open, please apply to the rules on the manual before taking a bath and of course you're also welcome to check out our community areas. There are also a few community rooms, where you can play table tennis. There is a small market at the end of the road, if you ever need anything else. We will serve dinner soon, so you can just put your order into the electronic device on the nightstand and I'll bring it as soon as it is ready. Do you have any more questions?” The woman looked at them, waiting for the answer. “No, not right now. Thank you so much,” they all bowed once more, before the woman left and closed the door behind her.

 

As soon as the click sound was heard Youngjae opened the door leading to a terrace and a beautiful bath came in sight. He squeaked out of pure happiness. “Hyungs come fast, look, look.” Mark and Jackson shared an amused look, before they humored Youngjae and played it off to be just as excited. “You're mocking me, right?” Youngjae pouted, which earned him only full laughter from the other two. He wanted to say something, but was stopped, as four arms slung around his body and wrapped him into a tight hug. “Happy end of the exams for this semester,” Jackson said next to his ear. “We barely have seen you for four weeks,” Youngjae smiled softly at his boyfriends behavior. “What are you saying, you were there a lot of times during night.”

 

“Yeah, but we only slept, we just missed you.” The youngest couldn't contain his smile and said it back. They stood there a while longer, taking in the others' presence, before they were reminded by a phone call to choose their menu for the evening. And since they were already at a Japanese inn, they ordered different bentô sets and a huge plate of sashimi.

 

Youngjae wanted to check out the other rooms and went to the bathroom first, which was surprisingly big, it even had a bathtub placed at the far end and different salts at the side for them to use. True to Mark's words, there was possibly no other place where he could relax better than here.

 

Making an imaginary list of all the things he would like to do here, he went to the bedroom. There was a stunning king sized bed in the middle of the room, with another door at the right side. He touched over the silky bed sheets, taking in their softness under his fingertips.

 

Once more he looked around marveling at the sight of the wide mahogany closet, before he opened the adjacent door, only to be met with another bedroom. A stacked futon placed at one end, indicating this room to be used for a single person.

 

Right, the hotel wouldn't know their circumstances and if they knew it would probably weird them out and they wouldn't be allowed here in the first place.

It didn't sit right with Youngjae, the whole symbolism he received from the universe. Every time he looked at Mark and Jackson, he knew it felt right to be with them, to be together. But he didn't have given it such a deep thought, how it would be received in the society, even though Jinyoung was the best warning in advance, how it would turn out to be. A pair of arms looped around his waist and pulled him against a sturdy chest.

 

_Jackson._

 

A kiss was placed on his ear lobe. “Come on Jae, go change, the food will be here any minute.” The warm embrace left him again. Youngjae went to the closet and pulled out a Japanese garment, he changed into the black robe-like piece of clothing and when he went into the spacey living room, two workers set down their dinner on the table and wished them a good night and to enjoy their meal.

 

And with just one glance, Youngjae knew he would definitely enjoy this dinner to his fullest. As on cue his stomach rumbled. His Hyungs turned their heads and Mark petted on the empty spot next to him.

 

They ate and drank the night away, and even though Youngjae would have loved to stay up a little more, at some point he became drowsy, eyes drooping down every few seconds. Mark lifting him up was the last thing he remembered before he fell into a deep sleep, the exhaustion from the weeks being evident.

 

 

When he woke up the next morning, Mark was still asleep next to him, but Jackson the early riser, was nowhere to be found inside the big king size bed. Youngjae pressed his lips carefully to Mark's temple before he silently went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and washed up.

 

He turned around the corner into the living room and saw the table set with a beautiful breakfast. And even though Youngjae was not that hungry, he couldn't withstand the sweet smell of the freshly grilled fish.

 

The one empty plate, showed Jackson already ate, but didn't want to wake Youngjae nor Mark, which was really sweet. Youngjae ate a few pieces and poured himself a cup of green tea. _(Mark would not be happy, there was no coffee)_ Then he took the cup and opened the door to the outside area. And even though the sight of the surroundings and the location was still absolutely stunning, nothing was as beautiful as Jackson's naked shoulders sticking out of the steaming water and the relaxed expression on his face. 

 

The other opened his eyes as he heard the noises of the door opening. “Otter,” his gaze fixated on Youngjae. “Good morning.” Youngjae waved a little, before he put on the outdoor slippers placed next to the glass door. “Hyung, since when are you awake?” Jackson thought a moment. “I don't know. Not more than an hour, but why are you already up? You should have slept a little more.” 

 

Youngjae shook his head. “I'm well-rested. Don't worry,” he said with a smile on his face. Jackson looked at him and then back at the water. “Then come and join me, the water is so relaxing.” 

 

Youngjae drank the last drop of his tea and put the empty cup on the little table, placed on the patio, before he went to the shower room, for the bath outside. There was also a shower place right next to the bath, but it was still freezing cold given it was mid February. 

 

After he showered, he slung a towel around his waist and with fast steps he went to the edge of the outdoor bath and pulled off the towel, placed it on a chair and sank into the water next to Jackson. 

 

The hot water smoothed around his body engulfing him and immediately loosening some of his tight and cramped muscles, especially in his back from the long hours of sitting. A few seconds later he felt arms around him pulling him in between Jackson's legs.

 

And although he has seen and felt his Hyungs naked forms several times, he still wasn't used to it and was a little shy about it. Nevertheless he enjoyed the closeness and the calm radiating from Jackson. They stayed quiet and even Youngjae was sure he slept enough, he felt so at piece right now, his eyes closed on its own. He was just about to give in to the dark, when he heard the porch door being opened. 

 

“I see, you cuddle out here and I woke up alone and cold in the huge bed,” Mark pouted sleep still evident on his face. Youngjae has learned that sleepy Mark was as cuddly and needy as sick Mark, it was absolutely sweet. Such a difference from his normal personality. 

 

Mark joined them soon after and the three of them spent their morning bathing in the peaceful quiet and taking turns to cool off.

 

In the afternoon they got dressed warmly and took a long walk through the mountainous landscape surrounding the Inn. They returned just in time for the dinner to be served. After dinner they decided to check out the community rooms in the Inn and were surprised how many of them there even were.

 

Jackson and Mark wanted to play a ping pong match and even though Youngjae has never played the game before, Jackson encouraged him to try it. He wasn't bad for a beginner, but after a while he lost the interest in it and rather watched the other two having a competitive battle.

 

“That wasn't over the line.”

 

“What are you talking? That was right next to it.”

  
“Nonsense, it clearly wasn't in the right field.”

 

They bickered back and forth until their eyes looked at Youngjae expectantly. “Jae-yah, who is right?” Youngjae was already holding his belly from their intense stare battle. He laughed loudly and when they asked him for his opinion, he laughed even more. “Hyungs, seriously,” the younger boy tried to catch his breath, words still broken off with giggles in between.

 

The other two softened their gazes upon seeing the other being so amused over the whole situation. But when Youngjae calmed down again, Jackson and Mark still wanted to have his word on who was right and who was not. So Youngjae pressed a kiss first to Jackson's mouth and then to Mark's saying he would take a bath. He only heard the words 'and who was right now' being called after him, which only made him laugh again.

 

Ever since they arrived Youngjae wanted to take a bath in the huge tub within their bathroom. He got rid of the light cotton robe lining his body, before he started to run hot water into the tub. Secondly he got his phone and called Bambam, hearing his princess was just fine and Yugyeom and him had a movie night. But since Youngjae would always ditch them nowadays, to which Youngjae rolled his eyes, Coco took her rightful place as the new room mate. Youngjae ended the phone call after a few minutes, but not without Bambam putting him on speaker and he wished Coco a good night.

 

After he hung up the phone he chose the lavender salt to add it into the water, giving it a lilac color and an amount of foam, Youngjae was already excited to dive in. When the tub was full, he stopped the water and got inside.

 

Like the bath in the morning, Youngjae felt nothing but comfort with the slight difference that the sweet smell of the salt was even more intoxicating. He let his mind wonder, how he should ever repay his boyfriends for always looking out for him, giving him splendid gifts, taking him on awesome trips and even more importantly always being there for him when he needed it. Youngjae really didn't know, why they would want him in their relationship.

 

After twenty-five minutes a knock was heard. “Come in.” Youngjae looked at the door, to see Mark and Jackson standing in the frame. “Care if we take a shower?” Youngjae shook his head. The other two got rid of their robes and turned on the water of the showerhead.

 

And Youngjae shrieked a little, when he saw the shower changed its light into a dark blue one, back to a warm red. “Oh my god, Hyungs. I didn't know the shower could do that.” Mark beckoned him over with a finger, and who was Youngjae to withstand such a sweet offer. He opened the plug of the tub and watched, how the purple water slowly dispersed. With careful steps he made his way to the shower, only to be eagerly pulled inside and pressed between two bodies.

 

“Hyungs,” he nothing but whispered, and the sound was almost swallowed by the heavy water, if the other two wouldn't stand as close as they did.

 

Jackson took the shampoo from the small metal shelf and made it his work to rub the liquid into Youngjae's and Mark's hair, who then returned the favor. After another twenty minutes, Youngjae's skin definitely needed a break, so they all got out of the fog filled shower. Jackson stepped out first and wrapped Mark and Youngjae each into a big towel. After they dried off a little, Youngjae sat Mark and Jackson on the bench in front of the mirror and started blow drying their hair, being careful to not let it linger on a certain point for too long.

 

When Jackson said he could do it himself, all Youngjae did was shake his head and told he wanted to take care of them, too. Mark nodded and closed his eyes, when he felt fingers carding through his hair.

 

“I talked to Bambam,” Youngjae said in between brushing and drying their hair. “Coco is fine, but I have been replaced by her. It would be no wonder if she owned my bed now,” he whined a little overdramatic, but giggled at the end. “You can always sleep at home in our bed,” Jackson said and found his eyes through the mirror, making Youngjae blush with the statement. He should be used to those sweet, offhand comments, but he wasn't.

 

They brushed their teeth and washed their faces, before all three of them made their way to the bedroom, only still cladded by their towel. Youngjae had a certain idea where this evening would take them, but he was most definitely not against it. He had missed them badly and just wanted to be even closer.

 

Mark took the liberty and freed him from his towel. Then he pushed Youngjae's body with his own down on the mattress and pulled the younger into a feverish kiss. In the mean time Jackson rummaged through his bag, pulling out a small bottle as well as a package of condoms.

 

Youngjae's hands wandered over Mark's back, slowly lifting the towel off of it and letting it slide to the floor. Mark slipped his tongue inside his mouth and Youngjae welcomed it warmly. But after a while, he missed the other presence next to him, so used already to being engulfed by two warm bodies. He slowly let the kiss fade out and searched the room for Jackson, when he found his eyes, he extended one arm and made a grabby motion with his hand. “Hyung..”

 

Jackson laughed deeply, when he saw his needy boy and who was he to deny him. He was welcomed by two mouths, taking turns kissing him and kissing each other. After a while Jackson sat up and leaned his body back against the headboard. He locked eyes with Mark, who let go of the younger and lifted him right onto Jackson's lap.

 

Youngjae gasped slightly upon feeling the outline of Jackson's half hard dick rutting against his backside. Mark sat down next to Jackson and tugged on his hair to meet his lips for a hot kiss. Youngjae watched them for a while, and Youngjae knew from the moment at the party where he witnessed it for the first time until now, he could say that this was his absolute favorite sight.

 

He slowly rolled his hips over the hardness under him, which earned him a deep growl from his Hyung. He did it again, and again, until Jackson was panting into Mark's mouth, who watched the other with a smirk on his face. Mark broke the kiss and looked between Youngjae and Jackson. “My eager boys,” he sighed. “Should we speed this up a little?” Both of them nodded in response, which made the red haired man laugh again.

 

Sweetly he pressed one more kiss against Jackson's lips, before he cupped Youngjae's cheek, petting it lovingly. “Jae-yah? What do you want to do? It's your call.”

 

They had never done anything he didn't like, from the times they had been together, they would never cross borders without asking him first or accepting it as soon as he said stop, and because of that Youngjae wanted to go all the way, he wanted to feel them as close as possible, because he trusted them more than anybody else.

 

“Hyungs,” he turned his face to kiss Mark's palm, before he looked back at him and then at Jackson. “I want it so bad, Hyungs.” And Mark didn't need to hear an other word, before he whispered something into Jackson's ear.

 

Jackson slipped further down on the bed until he was lying on his back, he complemented Youngjae on top of him and entangled his lips once more with his own. Soon Youngjae felt Mark behind him, pulling him a little more upwards on his knees. A peck was placed on his spine then one a little further down, and a last one on his left cheek. Youngjae whined into the kiss.

 

“Jae, you know, you can always say stop,” Mark mumbled lowly, before he opened the cap of the lube. Youngjae shivered at the sound, knowing very well what was about to happen. Jackson sucked on his tongue at the same time as he wrapped his hand around Youngjae's hard erection. The youngest mewled into the kiss, the sound going straight to Jackson's and Mark's dicks.

 

Mark warmed the lube between his fingers, before he let one finger rub curiously over Youngjae's pink entrance. Another whine was heard, before Mark slipped the finger right in and waited until the muscle slowly relaxed. Youngjae broke his lips away from Jackson's to hide his head in the older's neck, mouthing open kisses against the sensitive skin.

 

Mark pulled one of the cheeks to the side and growled at the sight in front of him. Slowly Youngjae's ring of muscle relaxed and Mark put in a second finger, waiting and repeating the same process with the third one.

 

Jackson had aligned Youngjae's and his member and stroked them now simultaneously, heightening Youngjae's sensitivity even more. When he felt that the younger got close, he let go of his throbbing erection and only tugged on his own, pleased by the sight of a needy Youngjae and a disheveled Mark.

 

“Hyung, no more. Please.” Mark watched once more how his fingers opened up the younger, before he retracted his hand and searched for the condom.

 

Jackson pulled at his hand and Mark glided forward until he was within Jackson's reach. The other unwrapped the package of the condom and carefully slipped it over Mark's hard dick. Tugging two, three times, eliciting deep groans from the other, when Jackson pressed his finger under the head of Mark's cock.

 

Mark stilled his hand and lead it to his mouth instead, smoothing a lingering kiss against Jackson's wrist, before he moved back behind Youngjae. The younger heard the cup of the lube being opened once more, before the head of Mark's hot cock pressed against his fluttering rim.

 

The more Mark pressed forward, the more rigid the youngest body became. Mark stilled his hips and Jackson lifted Youngjae's head up from his shoulder. “Otter, look at me,” a warm voice pleaded against his ear. Youngjae opened his eyes, which had teared up in the process and looked at Jackson. Mark patted his back with soft touches, while Jackson pecked sweet kisses against his nose, forehead and cheeks. “Do you want to stop Jae?” Mark asked from behind him, but Youngjae shook his head. “Just give me a moment,” he breathed out. “All the time you need,” Mark said, before he dipped down to let his tongue swirl around Youngjae's spine.

 

After a while Youngjae nodded his head and mumbled an okay. Mark let his hips circle around, hissing at the warmth engulfing him. “God, you are so tight.”

 

Youngjae blushed furiously at the words and Jackson smirked as he caught on to the others' face color. After a while the sting subsided, only a little dull ache was still present and Youngjae started to move back to meet Mark's thrusts. “Just like that, baby,” Mark groaned.

 

Jackson wrapped his hands back around Youngjae's dick alongside his own.

 

At a particular deep thrust, Youngjae's head fell back into the juncture of Jackson's neck and he moaned sweetly into his ear. “Jackpot baby,” was all Jackson said as he speed up the pace.

 

Youngjae's legs arched and he got weak to hold himself on them any longer and as if Mark noticed, he pulled him upwards and manhandled him on his side next to Jackson. Without slipping out of Youngjae's sweet and tight warmth, Mark lay himself behind Youngjae and lifted the others' leg, making the angle deeper.

 

Youngjae let his head fall back against Mark's shoulder. The other stilled shortly to share a wet kiss with the younger, before he resumed moving his hips, faster now, meeting Youngjae's sweet point every slide head-on. Jackson stroked their length in the same rhythm, before everything became to much for Youngjae and he came in white ropes all over Jackson and his own chest.

 

Two more moves when Mark's hips stilled and a grunt indicated he fell over the edge as well.

 

Mark carefully removed his softening dick out of Youngjae, who whined at the oversensitivity he was feeling. Jackson had stopped stroking himself, even though he was still painfully hard and Youngjae wanted to do something, but he was just so tired. Jackson fondled his cheek endearingly. “Don't worry angle, Mark will take care of it.” And with swift moves, Mark got rid of the condom, before coming back to the bed and letting his mouth sink down on Jackson's cock.

 

The other wasted no time to bring Jackson closer to the edge in record speed, as far as letting the Jackson take control, thrusting up into Mark's delicious mouth. A few minutes later and Jackson came down Mark's throat, the other moaning around his erection. Jackson stilled his hips and pulled Mark up to share a slow kiss with him, before both of them turned their attention to Youngjae.

 

He was engulfed into a hug from both of them and they whispered endearments into his ear, telling him how good he was and how proud they were and with another kisses pressed along his shoulders Youngjae fell into a deep slumber.

 

~~  
~~

 

At some point during the night, Youngjae woke up because Jackson's koala grip around him, was a little to hot even during this time of a year.

 

He untangled himself carefully as not to wake the other and made his way to the bathroom. The back of his body felt sore, but not as bad as he thought it was going to be. With one look down his body, he knew Jackson and Mark had cleaned him up, tinting his cheeks in a dark red. He could be embarrassed later all he wanted, right now he needed to pee.

 

He relieved himself and then saw his phone. It still lay next to the lavender bath salt, he picked it up and scrolled through it lazily. The red and white two on his email sign, showed the arrival of two new emails, he had yet to open. The upper one, was from one of his professors, sending him an article he asked about. When he opened the second one, his breath hitched and he almost dropped his phone then and there. _No way._ There was just no way.

 

The email was from one of the record companies being present at their performance evening and they offered him a summer internship.  _Why?_ He didn't want it. All he ever wanted was to teach children music, or wasn't it?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha, I wanted to put that out before my exam phase started, but I may be the slowest writer in history. So sorry :( 
> 
> I'm really grateful for all your support. It means really a lot. <3 I hope you enjoyed the new chapter :)  
> Oh yeah I outlined the last chapters and this story is slowly going to an end. :(( But not yet ^^
> 
> Btw where are all the Markjae and Jackjae ffs, there are way to few out there :'( 
> 
> It's only one more week until I will see Got7, but I also have two exams next week, so the week will be long. 
> 
> I wish you all a wonderful weekend and hope you enjoy it wherever you are. <33


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeehm, it's been like 400 years. Is anybody still thinking about this story? Anyway thanks a lot for the sweet support <33

 

In the setting of the early evening, the doorbell rang making all three inhabitants look up surprised. Against the odds, Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom were all present, which was rather seldom the case since their schedule was so different. Because of that, they had established Thursday game nights.

 

Weekends were mostly reserved for Youngjae's boyfriends, he still blushed at the thought, while Bambam spent most of his weekends socializing and Yugyeom had a lot of dance competitions. So in conclusion a weekday was the best option. Yugyeom was about to put down the chicken and open the door, when Youngjae stilled his motion. “I'll go, Gyeom. Just set everything up. Prepare yourself to get your ass beaten,” he sounded, while walking to the doors. _You wish_ was all he heard back, which made him chuckle slightly.

 

He thought about the person behind the door and couldn't put a face to it. Mark was working late and Jackson was still at the construction side of his studio. Youngjae had offered to drop off something to eat, but Jackson was meeting one of his investors and Youngjae didn't want to bother him. Jinyoung finally had a whole evening together with Jaebum, since the latter had gotten back his expose with indeed very good results, so there was nothing in the way now to write his final thesis. So, he knew with certainty that Jinyoung would never ever be behind this door, except there was an emergency. Most probably it was one of Bambam's friend circle.

 

When he reached the small corridor, he saw white fur excitedly sprinting up and down the small of the door, waiting for it to be opened. To Youngjae's delight the little dog was fast to make new friends, so he never had to worry for her being to uncomfortable in the presence of unknown people. But sometimes he was worried that someone would just take his princess away, because she was a little too trusting.

 

With swift motions he turned the key two times within the lock and pressed down the handle. The smile from his face fell, as he saw the person in front of him. “Hey my Boy,” the eyes of the woman looked at him warmly and her arms opened up for him. And with his wavy voice whispering _eomma,_ he engulfed his mother and made himself small to curl into her arms. Even though he didn't want to a few tears left his eyes, wetting the shirt of his mother, who just smoothly stroked his back waiting for him to calm down.

 

After a few minutes of embracing each other, Youngjae let go and wordlessly invited his mother inside. The woman shed off her coat and her shoes, to put on the beige slippers her son placed in front of her. Youngjae led his mother into the kitchen and flipped the switch of the electric kettle to brew hot water.

 

The living room was empty of the planned game night, the only traces left was an unopened bag of Yangnyeom chicken chips forgotten on the couch table. His mother looked around with curious eyes, taking in the apartment around her. “It's really nice here, warmer than the picture you sent before. Are your roommates not home?” Youngjae knew she was looking at him, but his gaze stayed focus on the silver cattle, waiting for it to _click._

 

The boy poured them a cup of herbal tea and finally sat down on the opposite side of his mother. “They are inside their rooms, I guess, since they know – ehm – about our situation.” Youngjae looked down at his intertwined hands. He kept switching the position of his thumbs to avoid the conversation, but it should be a good sign his mother came to him, right? She hummed and took the cup to blow at the surface of the hot tea.

 

“Youngjae,” her voice was direct like always and Youngjae felt himself straighten up and finally meeting her eyes. “How have you been Youngjae?” And even though the boy found it a little weird for her to ask since she was one of the main causes whenever he felt down lately, he'd take every olive branch that was handed his way. “I'm doing okay.”

“That's good.”

 

Uncomfortable silence filled the room.

 

“Eomma, why are you here? Don't get me wrong, I'm really _happy_ that you are, but-?” Youngjae carefully expressed his thoughts while pulling out the tea bag, pressing it against the upper side of his cup before standing up and throwing it into the trash. “I just wanted to know how you have been these last few weeks. And although I could have called, it felt right to come here. I just missed my baby.” She smiled timidly at Youngjae.

 

The conversation went slowly, carefully tip-toeing around the topic at hand. Youngjae's mother asked about his performance, even though she probably already heard everything about it from her husband or Youngjae's siblings, who have delightfully called a few days after his performance. It felt right, that she still wanted to know it from Youngjae himself. His roommates stayed hidden the whole evening, giving his mother and him space, while Coco slept peacefully on her bed in the corner of the kitchen.

 

After a while his mother's hand covered his own, squeezing it gently whenever Youngjae laughed about something with his entire body.

 

With every minute the air became lighter, making not only Youngjae more relaxed, but also changed his mother's demeanor, smiles looking less strained and more open. Until she felt strong enough to breach _the_ topic they avoided the evening. “Youngjae, I wanted to apologize for how I acted,” his mother stood up from the spot opposite to him and pulled out the chair right next to him.

 

“I thought about me first, when I should have put my feelings aside for your sake.” Two hands cupped his cheeks, gently swiping away the small tears already flowing out of Youngjae's eyes. “I just needed time, to process the information. But remember that regardless of whom you love, I just want you to be happy. Can you forgive your eomma?” Youngjae bedded his head against her shoulder and cried a few more tears, before he enveloped his mother into a tight hug, lasting for minutes and saying everything without actual words being spoken.

 

Calmly she patted his head, carding her fingers through Youngjae's soft hair. “I'm so glad, if you can forgive me, Youngjae. I was so worried.” He broke the embrace and grasped her hands. “Eomma, I won't say your rejection wasn't one of the worst moments and broke my heart.” Her lips were sewn into a tight, straight line now. “But, I would forgive you everything, because you're my eomma.” She sighed relieved. “I raised such a fine, young man, where did my shy baby go?” The statement made Youngjae laugh freely.

 

To Youngjae's glee his mother told him, that her dad would come to pick her up and they were going to be in Seoul for whole three days, giving Youngjae the chance to spend more time with both his parents without the pressure of helping out at home.

 

~~  
~~

 

Youngjae called his Hyungs that evening, telling them the unexpected development and when he cried some more, Mark and Jackson were there to comfort him.

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

 **Jackson-Hyung:** Sleep well, otter!

~~  
~~

 

Luckily after the stress of their exam phase Youngjae was off for a month. He doubled the time at work, so he could take less of his parents money and support himself better and maybe also afford something nice and sweet for his boyfriends, who have already done so much for him. Youngjae just wanted to close the enormous gap between them a little more, before it drifted further.

 

He spent the next day completely with his parents, showing them parts of Seoul he came to love during the years he lived there. Unfortunately his mom and dad never had the time to visit him before. Being owners of a restaurant demanded your full dedication and the last few years had been hard on the gastronomy business, leaving little to no free time for his parents. So that his mother especially came to Seoul wanting to clear up everything with him, Youngjae knew how important it was for her and he couldn't hold any grudge.

 

In the evening Youngjae took his parents to their apartment to cook a decent dinner for them. His roommates, who loved when Youngjae cooked invited themselves and joined the family for dinner. His parents both immediately doted on the two boys, interrogating them about their lives and backgrounds.

 

“And yeah that's basically why I came here all the way from Thailand,” Bambam ended his explanation. Youngjae's parents listened carefully, nodding or humming from time to time whenever it fitted the story.

 

“It's really impressive how you young people take the freedom of the globalization to pursue your dreams and goals wherever you want,” Mr. Choi said thoughtfully. His mother turned his head towards Youngjae. “That reminds me, how are Jackson and Mark?” Youngjae chocked on the piece of chicken, coughing two times before finally swallowing it down. The gaze his mother sent him was filled with confusion. “Are you no longer in touch? Do you no longer like them? They were such nice young men.”

 

“Oh no, Youngjae still likes them very much,” Yugyeom said with a slight smirk. To Youngjae's luck his parents didn't realize the underlying allusion. Youngjae gave Yugyeom a strong look to be more careful about their statements. As much as Youngjae wanted to share this immense part of happiness of his life with his parents, there were just too many things to consider here. Youngjae was happy enough his mother finally accepted his sexuality, he was satisfied with it, at least for now. He couldn't possibly let them in on a relationship, he himself still couldn't understand, where he was still unsure where he stood and how everything would fit eventually.

 

He had faced opposition even with his close friend, a gay boy with the mindset of the 21st century. So telling his parents was pretty low on the list, maybe one day, if they lasted.

The thought resonated louder through his brain than it should, the relationship was new, Youngjae knew he should enjoy it, without fear, just with happiness.

 

“Oh yeah, they were so lovely, do they still take good care of you?” To hide his blush, Youngjae got up to open a can and fill Coco's bowl with her food. “Of course, they help me a lot,” Youngjae said vague words. When he came back he saw his parents nodding. “I hope you don't forget your manners and don't only take, but also repay them,” his father said while patting his back, which kind of hit deeper than his father intended.

 

“Oh I have a wonderful idea, how about we invite them to dinner tomorrow evening. I'd love to talk to them again and thanking them for still taking care of you,” Mrs. Choi said gleefully. From the corner of his eye he saw Bambam smirking, hiding behind his bowl of rice.

 

~~  
~~

 

There was absolutely nothing wonderful about his mother's suggestion. Youngjae had mentioned it briefly to Mark the next day, since he went to bring him food this time. But instead of healthy, vegan food, Youngjae knew Mark's crave for chicken, so he brought him one from his favorite stores.

 

The building Mark worked in was located a little off the city center. It was small carved in between a restaurant and a cosmetics store. Youngjae pressed the switch for the glass door to open automatically. Warmth engulfed him as soon as he stepped a foot inside the building. He walked

up the three flights of stairs and then sent Mark a message that he arrived.

  
After a few minutes the door opened and Mark stood there, looking around before he kissed Youngjae's cheeks and pulled him inside. The interior was on a whole different level than the outer look let on. The design was elegant and expensive.

 

Mark had let go of Youngjae's hand, but steadily gazed at him as to ensure he was still there. Since it was midday, the office was rather empty. They stopped at what seemed to be Mark's place, since he immediately saw a framed picture of Jackson on the right side of his table. And next to it one of them all together from the Japanese inn.

 

Youngjae placed the chicken in front of Mark. “Don't tell Jackson-Hyung I voluntarily brought you the cause for the congestion of your blood vessels,” Youngjae laughed while he took off the plastic bag surrounding the food. “Believe me, no word.” Mark took his hands and brushed smoothly over the back of it. “My lips are sealed.” The older smacked his mouth into a line, pulling out an imaginary key and locking up his lips making Youngjae roll his eyes, but smile endearingly. His Hyungs had so many layers, Youngjae was excited to explore them all.

 

They talked about the last few days, Youngjae reciting everything his mother and him talked about and Mark listened carefully, being really glad that his boyfriend's mother came around and had the courage to come here and tell him.

 

“We ate with Yugyeom and Bambam yesterday evening and then they asked about you two and wanted to invite you two out for dinner tonight,” Mark's face lit up in surprise. “But don't worry, I already said you are both busy with work, which is not even a lie. Hyung you look tired, is your work still not calming down?” The older put his head on the table and breathed out. The younger looked around and when no one was in sight, he caressed Mark's head softly. “No, unfortunately not, but it will eventually.” Youngjae loved those moments. Not that Mark was tired, the younger wished him nothing more than to sleep, but those times where his Hyungs were vulnerable with him, where he could take care of them, those he appreciated dearly.

 

“But that doesn't matter,” Mark's eyes opened and he searched Youngjae's. “You're parents invited us and I and also Jackson would of course appreciate to see them again.” Youngjae frowned. “Why?There is no way we can tell them, Hyung.”

 

“I know. We don't have everything figured out, but they are still part of your life and it would be a shame, if Jackson and me couldn't experience every part of your life, wouldn't it?” And something in Mark's eyes made him believe that it was easy, _okay_.

 

 

It wasn't. It was pure torture. Whenever they would go out, someone would be sitting next to Youngjae, he hadn't even realized that before. But right now Mark and Jackson were on one side and his parents and him on the other side. If everybody knew how they stood to each other it would be fine, but now Youngjae felt like a dirty secret. Mark and Jackson as two and he alone, as one.

 

His parents had been elated, when Youngjae told them about Mark and Jackson joining them for dinner that evening. And just like the first time, everything fell into place quickly. Youngjae knew that his parents already adored the two the first time they had met them, which only deepened throughout this evening. Each time Jackson told a joke, his father would hold his belly and whenever Mark's voice sounded his parents listened thoughtfully and Youngjae could see that there was a bond forming. But it wasn't based on the truth and Youngjae hated that, so he was a little reluctant, earning him perplexed looks from both his parents and his boyfriends.

 

“Ah, Youngjae dear, before I forget it,” his mother sounded. “What happened after the performance evening?” A lot of things happened after that evening, the two men in front of him for one, but he guessed his mother meant if he heard back from a company sitting through the whole thing. And yes, he did get the offer and he still had a few more days to decide if he was going to take it or not. But he hadn't shared it with anyone but Jinyoung, who told him he was stupid.

 

For a fact, Youngjae knew that Jaebum, who aspired to work as a producer in the entertainment business didn't get the internship. So in Jinyoung's eyes he was ungrateful for even considering to decline it. Youngjae was just so scared that once he tasted the business, he wouldn't be able to come back from it. But it was just undeniable how awful toxic the industry was. He just didn't want to be corrupted.

 

Youngjae always had a clear vision of his life, at least concerning his career. Acing all his courses and finally getting into the carrier path he wanted. He already pretook a lot of education seminars from his minor in his first two years, which were meant for the third year. So this year he was able to solemnly focus on music as he knew the third year to be the hardest. In his mind there wasn't even the slightest possibility that he'd be invited for an internship with one of the record companies, but it did happen and Youngjae was lost.

 

He took a piece of pork belly from the grill and placed it on a lettuce leaf. Right now all eyes were on him, awaiting his answer. “My professor really liked my arrangement and the few deductions I got were easy to understand, so yeah all in all not that bad.” At least he didn't lie completely, all he stated was the truth and he hoped it was enough what his parents wanted to hear. Youngjae just didn't want to talk about it right now in front of everybody. Today though luck didn't seem to be on his side.

 

“You already told that to your brother, but your brother also said that someone would maybe get an internship place offered,” his father said, hands folded in front of him as he saw right through Youngjae's poor try to force closure to the topic. “Did you get it?” He smiled at him now encouragingly.

 

Youngjae didn't dare to look up, even though his parents weren't mad with him, he certainly didn't tell any of his boyfriends on purpose and they would realize that. “Youngjae-yah?” Jackson asked with a calm voice, although something else accompanied it as well, a hint of strain.

  
“Hmm, yeah, I got an email a few days ago. I got the internship.” Gasping was heard all around him, before his mother pulled him into a tight hug. She squealed right into his ear. “I'm so happy for you Youngjae. All your hard work finally got recognition.” Youngjae still didn't meet anybody's eyes because he was about to crush their congratulations for him. “But I'm unsure, if I will take it, probably not,” he said with a strong voice, overshadowing the other's.

 

Mrs. Choi let go of him, but her hand remained on his shoulder. “Even if you won't take it. It's nice to know people acknowledge your work isn't it?” She smiled at him with adoration. “Thanks eomma.” His parents understood, but he had explained it to them a long time ago.

 

“First of all, how come you didn't tell us?” Jackson said with a strong look in his direction, seemingly not quite sure how to deal with the fact that the younger didn't let them in on this. “And what do you mean you're not sure? You have worked so intensely and hard for this and you will not take the price? Jae-yah, isn't that what you worked for?” Mark asked, looking bemused at the younger.

 

“I think I should focus on my carrier path and will look for an internship in the education sector.” Youngjae really didn't have any insight on how Mark and Jackson would react. They were sweet like all the time, but they were also without a doubt very driven. Chasing their dreams with the speed of light.

 

“You can still do it the year after or whenever. But this may be the only possibility you get, should you really cast this aside this easily?” Mark had been on the edge for weeks and sometimes opinions just didn't match, so Youngjae knew not to take his words to heart, however when he looked up and met his Hyungs gaze, his own eyes were clouded with hurt. This was no way a simple decision.

 

“It's not,” Youngjae sounded, looking from Mark to Jackson over to his parents. In that moment the waitress came and brought another two beers for Youngjae's parents, breaking the uncomfortable silence, which lay over the table. “Don't fight boys,” Mrs. Choi laughed carefully. “But I guess disagreements are normal even for friends.” Jackson and the youngest shared an awkward exchange of looks, while Mark stared at his drink with an unreadable face. Slowly Jackson and Mr. Choi fell back into a small conversation about the best Chinese food. The rest of the evening was rather strained, leaving Youngjae feeling empty and plainly weird. He couldn't classify his emotions.

 

And maybe everything would have been different, if there had been an actual argument knowingly as lovers. But as soon as Youngjae's mother talked he felt small and belittled and not as a part of a relationship and Mark's words didn't help. Actually there was nothing wrong with having a different opinion, but how his Hyung said it and how it was impossible for Youngjae to object as Mark's boyfriend, but only as Mark's friend. His hands were tight, and he hated it.

 

~~  
~~

 

Youngjae said goodbye to his parents, who left in the early morning hours the next day. They had taken the car up to Seoul and wanted to avoid the main traffic when they went back to Mokpo. He hugged them tightly one last time, before the only thing he saw was their rear window. He was so unbelievably happy that his mother loved him enough to accept his sexuality and even more supported him. After the horrible moment during winter, Youngjae had read similar stories online, where parent and child never reconciled. He had feared the same, even though his mother still showed interest in his every day life, the fear was almost greater than hope.

 

With joyful steps Youngjae went to the train station, only faltering when he remembered the last evening. Jackson and Mark had still texted him good night like usual, but the odd remark the older did about him turning it down easily didn't sit right with Youngjae.

 

And he knew his mother was right, even though not as friends, disagreements were absolutely normal. Just this morning he had one with Bambam on if to feed Coco leftovers or not. So fights were inevitable. Maybe it was because of the fact, they didn't have one until now or because they were utterly sweet with him all the time. So instead of letting his mind take him to all the dark places he had been before, he wanted to get this straight as soon as possible.

 

_[Markson + Otter]_

 

 **Youngjae:** Hyungs are you already awake?

 

 **Jackson-Hyung:** Mark's still sleeping, but I'm up.

 

 **Youngjae:** Can I come over?

 

 **Jackson-Hyung:** Sure otter, just come by.  <3

 

 **Youngjae:** <3

 

~~  
~~

 

As soon as Youngjae reached his Hyungs' apartment, he texted Jackson that he was there, avoiding to ring the bell and wake up Mark. Jackson, who was dressed in sweats and a simple black shirt opened the door and Youngjae walked passed him straight to the wardrobe, instantly pulling off his jacket. He was so immersed in his own bubble and thoughts, that Youngjae didn't realize the fact that he didn't even great his own boyfriend until two strong arms slang around his waist, hugging him tightly.

 

“You didn't even tell Hyung good morning,” was all Jackson said before he pressed a light kiss on Youngjae's slender neck. The younger had no time to respond, because Jackson let go of him quickly when the bedroom door opened and a disheveled Mark made his way to the kitchen. When both his Hyungs were gone, Youngjae shed of his dark blue coat and hang it up.

 

With a little reservation he followed Mark and Jackson into the kitchen. Over the last month Youngjae has gotten used to the apartment his Hyungs lived in, but now with this weird situation he has never felt this uncomfortable before in these four walls.

 

Slowly he sat down his bag onto the counter, before he pulled out the chair next to Mark. His Hyung's head lay on the table, still barely awake. There was almost nothing cuter than Mark in the early morning hours. Normally Youngjae would instantly run his hand through the tousled hair, waiting for Mark to lean into it, but right now he couldn't and he wouldn't – not until this odd tension dissolved. He looked around, Jackson hummed a song while preparing his tea and waiting for the coffee machine to be ready.

 

Maybe the other two were unaware of the mess the odd comment made in Youngjae's mind, maybe Mark didn't pay attention to his tone and choice of words and Youngjae took it too personally. He was unsure.

 

“So otter, did your parents drive home this morning?” Jackson asked while he joined his boyfriends at the table, placing two hot steaming pots of coffee in front of Mark and Youngjae.

Youngjae grabbed the handle of the white cup and blew right on top of the surface. “Yes, I came here right after I saw them off, they really liked to meet you again, so thank you for coming there even though it was a little weird.” He finished his sentence, meeting Jackson eyes with a shy smile.

 

Jackson nodded and beamed at him. “Of course, baby. We will get there in time.” And on the one hand through rose colored spectacles Youngjae really hoped for a world without judgment and full acceptance, even though deep down he knew that was impossible, but that wasn't the topic right now and he could deal with it at a later point in time.

 

The younger looked to the side, realizing Mark really fell asleep again on the dark mahogany wood. Jackson chuckled quietly. “When are his shifts getting shorter?” Youngjae asked still focusing his gaze on the slightly parted plumb lips and the squished cheek. “I don't know otter, he has a few days of next week, so it should be fine after catching up on his sleep, but right now. I don't know, it has never been this intense.” Jackson finished with a gloom on his face. Youngjae hummed approvingly.

The brown haired man rose to his feed once again and stared to gather the ingredients for breakfast. “Jae-yah, did you eat already or do you want something?” But Youngjae had already eaten a small chocolate bread from the bakery on his way to meet his parents and now he was way to nervous to stomach anything else, so he shook his head. “I ate already, but thank you Jackson-Hyung.”

 

After a few more minutes Mark woke up again and opened his eyes, piercing gaze meeting Youngjae's own. “Hey Jae,” hand slipping from his leg onto Youngjae's thigh until it interlaced with his own. “Did you just arrive here?” He stifled a yawn while Youngjae shook his head. “No, I've been here for a while.” The youngest thought hard how to share his view and thoughts, but he was scared.

 

“So about yesterday evening,” he started the conversation carefully, making Mark lift his head up, full attention on Youngjae. “Yeah,” the older interrupted. “Sorry I was so harsh, I talked without thinking,” Mark looked at him earnestly. “But why didn't you tell us beforehand? Don't you trust us?” From the corner of his eye Youngjae saw the movement of Jackson stopping to pour the milk, as if he anticipated his answer just as much. “It's not that I don't trust you,” his eyes wandered to the side. “I just needed time to think, it was still a hard decision to make,” his voice became weaker at the end of the sentence. There was no denying his fear as soon as he broached this topic after the reaction from the day before.

 

“Does that mean you already declined the offer?” Jackson asked leaning against the counter, bowl in his hand and left eyebrow raised a little. Youngjae let go of Mark's hand, clasping his own two together, needing it to support himself. The scrutinizing glances piercing through him made him even more nervous.

 

“Not yet.” A relieved sigh came from his right side. “Doesn't that mean, you are pretty unsure about what you want to do?” Mark sounded, but this time more carefully than the night before. “You know, Jaebum-ah didn't get the offer and had to work his ass off at smaller businesses and underground labels.” A hand tried to reach out for his again, but Youngjae felt so confused he needed to do something. His Hyungs should be on his side and support him, even if they didn't agree. So he made his way to the fridge, taking out the full bottle of cold water and poured himself a glass.

 

“I already know that. Believe me, this is the same thing Jinyoung told me.” He looked back at the two older men, seeing their faces fall. Youngjae had no idea why though. “Wait, so you spoke to Jinyoung about this , but you didn't tell us,” Jackson said in a quiet voice. “We hear about this years later, and only because we were lucky to be present, when your parents asked. Didn't we promise no more secrets and agreed to share everything, even the most mundane thing.”

 

Youngjae felt so wronged, he was speechless. How could they say something like this, when all he did the last weeks was trying to share everything. If anything he felt left out. Mark and Jackson lived together, he was just the addition far from being as permanent as the two were for each other. “I would have told you eventually,” Youngjae started to explain, he didn't even know why he was defending himself, when it was solemnly his decision how to handle the options offered in his life.

 

The black haired boy crossed his arms in front of him defensively. Jackson and Mark shared a look communicating without words, making Youngjae even more unsure. “When exactly did you know it?” Jackson asked with a closed off voice. “On Saturday,” he mumbled quietly. “So you already knew during our trip and then you went to Jinyoung and talked to him about this. Why didn't you tell us?”

 

“Because I was afraid that you'll react like you did,” Youngjae hugged himself more tightly. “What do you mean?” Jackson eyes had a puzzled expression. “That it was an easy decision, believe me it's the absolute opposite.” Youngjae counted the dots on the working surface of the kitchen. “You know that's not how I meant it Jae-yah, my words were wrong and I didn't mean them like this. But still I think you cast this aside way too fast.” Jackson nodded smiling a little as he agreed to Mark's words. “It's my decision and I don't want to.” Youngjae felt cornered. “Well, we think you're wrong about making this decision so abrupt.” Jackson sounded.

 

_We. Ouch._

 

The distance between them was the same in Youngjae's heart. Them teaming up against him hurt him so deeply. This was what he was afraid of in the beginning, why he didn't want to confront himself about his own feelings. Because three was one too many.

 

“And I don't think I can talk about this anymore,” Youngjae grabbed his bag from the counter in a fast motion and speed walked to the door. Before the older men really realized what he was about to do, Youngjae was already fully clothed and opened the door.

 

“Jae-yah, where are you going? You can't just walk out on us like this.” Mark came in sight, looking aghast. “Why not, so you can team up on me more? No thank you.” With that Youngjae pulled the door shut behind him, only hearing an anxious _what_ , before he started to run to his station and only stopped when he was seated inside the subway train.

 

~~  
~~

 

He still had to work in the afternoon and even though it wasn't nearly the time for him to start, his feet carried him to the store anyway, because he knew Yugyeom and Bambam were working the early shift. The loud _welcome_ sounded through the shop as soon as Youngjae opened the door stepping inside. Yugyeom was sorting a dress onto the clothes rail, while Bambam cashed up a customer, thanking her and then looked up to see who entered the store.

 

“Youngjae-Hyung, what are you doing here?”

 

Youngjae just passed by Bambam shaking his head, immediately going into the small room attached to the side of the cash point, placing his bag on the floor and plopping down on a chair. He crossed his arms on the table and lay his head down. This was not how he planned it. It was a fight, a full blown first official fight. Sure, Mark and Jackson didn't respond how he liked it, but he still shouldn't have just run out and leave them like this. And he was about ninety percent sure he was being unfair and they didn't leave him out on purpose or so he hoped, but when nobody saw his side and took a stand for him he felt so alone again. He felt he didn't fit, in the room, in the apartment, in the relationship with Jackson and Mark. Youngjae exhaled hard, before he felt a hand patting his shoulder.

 

“You wanna tell me what happened to shake you up so badly this lovely morning?” Yugyeom asked as he sat down. Youngjae just made a disagreeing sound and stared past the younger eyeing the worn out wallpaper of the common room, the white was now a gray, they should consider to paint it afresh. “Okay, you don't have to, but so you know tonight as soon as you get back from your shift, Bambam will have the beer and soju ready and no,” the younger said as Youngjae wanted to protest, “you can't back out.”

 

Youngjae was thankful for the younger's try to cheer him up. Yugyeom left him alone then to resume to work. With shaking hands Youngjae pulled out his phone and saw the six missed calls and four text messages blinking up on his screen. Not thinking about it any further he switched his phone off. He knew he wasn't fair right now, but he was scared, what if he was too much and they wanted to break up with him? What if they found Youngjae to be too much of a hassle? He was being ridiculous and foolish, being a little delusional at this point. But he couldn't take to hear their voices or whatever they had to say, he would deal with this tomorrow.

 

Youngjae was happy he took Coco on a big walk this morning before he went to say goodbye to his parents, so Coco was contently sleeping on _(probably)_ his bed or chewing happily on her stuffed toy, which looked more and more damaged. Because right now Youngjae truly didn't want to be alone with his thoughts, but if he went home right now he'd go crazy. So Youngjae put on his staff badge and went outside to help Yugyeom, and even though he was still two and a half hours early nobody would care if he worked a little overtime.

 

As his real shift was about to begin Youngjae went to open a new cash register and let Bambam close his to count and check his own from the early shift. The day passed by quickly like this and Youngjae was thankful that the store was visited with a lot of costumers today, so his time and thoughts were taken up by the demands of the people visiting the shop. There was no Mark, no Jackson and no fight. The only times he would feel without any possibility to think about himself was, when he was immersed into work or his own music and arrangements. But since the latter were the source of the whole disagreement he opted for his work to take his mind off.

 

Before Bambam and Yugyeom left work in the afternoon, they told him to get sweet potato and chicken pizza on his way back to the apartment. After Youngjae picked up the pizzas from a small shop down the street, he almost ran into a figure. With a brief bow and a mumbled _sorry_ Youngjae was on his way to go, when a hand grabbed his arm and he was pulled back looking up with stunned eyes. In front of him stood his former adviser, a smile playing around the corner of Jaebum's lip.

 

“Hyung, sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that,” Youngjae said. “No worries, Youngjae.” It was quiet for a moment, before Jaebum spoke again. “Jinyoung told me what you achieved. I can't tell you how proud I am of you, as your friend and your adviser. I knew you would nail it.” It were sweet words, but no, everything but this topic. Telling Jaebum again would only remind him of this morning. And Youngjae wanted to do anything but that. So he tightly smiled at Jaebum and wanted to say his goodbye, when Jaebum patted his shoulder. “And Jinyoung also told me, you don't want to take it,” Here it would come, the telling-off.

 

“I won't tell you what you should do, because you must choose that on your own. Just listen to your gut, and don't worry it will tell you what to do. I don't want you to see this as an obligation you need to take on, but rather as a good thing to experience, solemnly for yourself and your musical skills.”

Youngjae bit his lower lip and averted his eyes to Jaebum's shoulder. “But Hyung what is if I really like it?” Jaebum looked at him bewildered. “And why is that bad?” Youngjae took a deep breath. “I don't want to work under the same conditions, how my courses have been the last years. And I heard it will be the exact same, unpredictable and with so much envy and grudge held for other people.”

 

And at that Jaebum just started to laugh. “Youngjae, that's just untrue, I don't know how it is for the bigger companies, but the small underground labels; we are like a family. Instead of competition, it's more about helping each other out and if you have to share your credits so what, who cares. Isn't it about music and not fame?” Jaebum smiled at him encouragingly. “You can still get into teaching after that, but you will have an additional door open to choose a different path if you ever feel like it.” The other patted his shoulder once more. “ And if you don't like the big companies, I know a few small labels always in need of geniuses like you.” Youngjae blushed at his words, but he was unbelievably grateful for Jaebum's supporting words.

 

This was what he wanted to hear, he needed to hear. There was no pushing in one direction, which blocked his mind, just laying possible pathways bare. He hugged Jaebum tightly, thanking him for everything, before he asked where Jaebum was headed. “Oh, I'm supposed to meet Jinyoung-ah in a few minutes.” The shy smile on his adviser's face was a huge indicator to not hold him here any longer. “Have fun Hyung, greet Jinyoungie.” Jaebum hummed and opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but closed it again. He repeated the process twice, before Youngjae asked him. “What's wrong?” The other scratched his neck with red ears. “Don't be too hard on them, job wise they are pretty similar and a little stubborn to see any other option than the, ” Jaebum formed quotation marks with his hands, “best.”

 

Youngjae wasn't even aware that Jaebum would even know of their relationship, but of course they were good friends and Jinyoung was Youngjae's own one, so Jaebum would know either way. “They are just worried. I really don't want to intrude, I just happened to be there this afternoon, so give them a call soon.” The younger was unsure what he thought about his own love life being shared with a third party, but he knew Jaebum just meant good. “I hope I didn't overstep,” Jaebum had certainly seen Youngjae's face fall, cursing himself for not biting his tongue. “A little, but it's okay, I appreciate the thought,” at least it eased his anxieties a little bit. He bid Jaebum goodbye and made his way home.

  
~~  
~~

 

As he arrived Bambam and Yugyeom were already on the living room floor, soju and beer bottles open on the table next to them, while Coco came running to welcome him home, making Youngjae's heart soar. “Youngjaeeee, my man,” the lack of formality indicated the intoxication of the silver haired boy. Two giggles followed the exuberant welcoming scream, stating Yugyeom's condition to be just as bad. “Hyung,” the youngest slurred. “We came to the conclusion that you need to catch up. So you have to drink five shots in a row.” And as soon the Yugyeom said it, the clinking of the metal chopstick colliding with the bottom of the beer glass was heard.

 

Youngjae sighed, but met his fate and sank down on the carpet and took the first shot.

 

~~  
~~

 

After another hour the three boys were lying on the carpet, reminiscing about the worst costumers they ever had, laughing friskily about the girl, who begged Yugyeom to try on a shirt she wanted to buy for her boyfriend, but was unsure if it fitted. And Yugyeom the sweet potato of a person he was, did it without thinking about it. The shirt ended to be on the counter with a letter at the time the girl left. She even came to the shop frequently after the event and bought more clothes for a man each time, only to leave it for Yugyeom. “I swear that was the day I thought your destiny was sealed and you would end up marrying your stalker.” Bambam laughed while he hit Yugyeom's shoulder multiple times. After a while the dense Yugyeom had told the girl that he wasn't interested, while returning the clothes to her and then she wasn't seen again.

 

Bambam mixed another shot of so-maek for the three of them, which they immediately poured down. For a split second they just bathed in the quiet presence of each other, enjoying the cozy silence. “Drinking and being with you two is so easy,” Youngjae grumbled, letting himself fall back down on the floor with his belly first. “Is it not that easy with Mark and Jackson?” Yugyeom asked in slurred words. “Most often it is easier, it's like being. But sometimes it just gets so hard.” The dark haired boy turned around and looked up to the ceiling and then everything bubbled out of him.

 

“And here I thought you three had it all figured out,” Bambam sighed, “but Youngjae you did a shitty thing. Running from your problems, just where did that get you last time. You need to figure it out together. So what, if they don't have the same view on things as you do. There will always be something you won't agree on, but that doesn't mean they like you less.” During his small speech Bambam had stood up and gestured wildly with his hands. Youngjae looked up at him with big eyes. “Bam-ah, I don't tell you this often enough, but you're quite smart.” The other gave him a smug grin, while Yugyeom only giggled from the couch.

 

“I don't know if I should be thankful for the comment or upset that you only noticed now,” Bambam said as he shook his head from side to side. “Ah,” Yugyeom screeched, “I have an idea.” The boy crawled to the end of the sofa and pulled Bambam towards him. They whispered something, before they caught Youngjae's hand and dragged him to the blue front door of the apartment and started to dress him up again.

 

When Youngjae caught up on what they were doing, they already sat in a taxi with Coco on Youngjae's lap and Bambam in the front, miserably pretending to be sober and giving the driver the address.

 

After twenty minutes the taxi came to a halt and Yugyeom payed the amount on the screen of the taximeter. With quick steps through the lobby, they took the elevator to the fifth floor. Now here Youngjae stood again, just where he imprudently left this morning. “I don't think it is a good idea. I'm awfully drunk.” Bambam pressed the doorbell. “Nonsense. It's the best idea Yugyeom ever had.” The small _hey_ was swallowed up by the opening of the door. “Youngjae? Coco?” Mark asked as he rubbed his eyes. “Bambam and Yugyeom hey,” Bambam said laughing highly only to be shushed by the other three parties.

 

“Hyung,” Youngjae made himself small. “I'm sorry, I don't want to break up. Please don't break up with me,” he whined, while he let himself fall into Mark's chest, squishing Coco between them. “What?” Mark asked bewildered. “This kid really can't deal with fights, take care of him, Hyung. Anyway we're out,” Bambam said, he turned to Yugyeom only to notice the younger sleeping against the wall. “All these weaklings,” he sighed before he hauled the sleepy Yugyeom back to the elevator. “Are you sober enough to get home, Bambam?” Mark called after him. “Don't worry, I'm a survivor.”

 

~~  
~~

 

Mark gently guided his drunken boyfriend inside and sat him down on the sofa, while he put Coco on the floor. The dog immediately moved to its blanket at the end of the couch and nestled into it. Jackson came to his boyfriends with a glass water and handed it to the youngest. “Now again; why do you think we would break up with you?” Youngjae took a sip and then closed his eyes. “Because I ran away and said mean things, and you said mean things and then I ignored you, because I was scared.” Jackson had to hold himself back not to coo at his boyfriend's cuteness. The boy was just endearing.

 

Mark engulfed the shaking bundle and placed a kiss on the crown of his hair. “Shh, we are not breaking up, this is not a reason to break up. We like you a lot Youngjae, do you believe us?” A small _yes_ was heard, before the three resumed to cuddle on the couch. “Sometimes we will fight and disagree, but there is no possibility we want to break up.” Jackson patted his hair.

 

“We just have to figure out how to be better, that you feel more respected, we are sorry that it seemed we teamed up against you. It wasn't on purpose just to be clear. And please Baby, next time don't ignore us, we are so worried then, okay?” Youngjae lifted his gaze and turned to look at Jackson with glassy eyes. “I'm sorry, Hyungs.” Jackson stole a little kiss from the drunken mouth and smiled at him. “It's fine, we just have to be better for the future, all of us.” Mark hummed and Youngjae nodded enthusiastically. “Oh,” Youngjae said, “I thought about it some more and maybe I will take the internship.” Mark put a finger on his lips. “Let's talk about it tomorrow, yeah? We will support you, however your choice is.” Mark cupped Youngjae's face and placed a kiss on his cheek, before he did the same to Jackson. “Let's get you into bed.”

 

Communication is the key, Youngjae realized, when he stood next to his boyfriends brushing his teeth, while trying to hold back giggles, whenever Jackson made a weird face for him in the mirror to catch. What he definitely couldn't hold back were the dancing fairies inside his belly, creating the sweetest feelings, whenever he caught his Hyungs' eyes, he really liked his boyfriends an awful lot.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> II hope you enjoyed the chapter :) 
> 
> Soooo yeah, a whole lot happened. Beware rant ahead hahaha 
> 
> Meanwhile I saw Got7 live, an absolut stunning performance. Jaebum's stage presence is no joke and was killing me all evening hahaha. But the day itself (except for the concert) was awful, I can just say be nice to fellow fans and basically to everybody. Queuing apparently doesn't mean the same thing for some people, and phones on the concert don't get me started. Why would people watch their phone while filming the whole concert, go to Youtube then and oh yeah while the members or the translator talks I just found it so plainly rude to scream in there, so they had to wait for it to quiet down again. Anyway hahaha don't wanna rant too much. But like I said the concert was 12/10 really, I think the best concert I've ever seen. :) I have so much respect for Got7's hard work and talent. 
> 
> Oh yeah, I wanted to update before I went on vacation, because I knew once I'm in Korea I have no time. But oh well life happened. But yeah I was in Korea for about good 2 weeks with my sister and we even met friends from America there, whole lot of crazy ^^  
> My sister and me could go to the first Pentagon fanmeeting, which was really sweet and I think my sister's best day in life hahaha (except for edawn and yanan being not present) :(, since she is a fan since pentagon maker. 
> 
> But the craziest thing happened at the airport when we were about to leave. My sister and me were chilling in a lounge waiting for boarding, when ehm suddenly Monsta X walked in, ehhm. I was getting food and Wonho stood next to me. You know when you don't wanna be that crazy fan, even though deep inside you are hahaha. I didn't want to disturb him, since it was not the right setting and all, so I just enjoyed the view and jpeged it in my brain hahaha, I tried my hardest to be subtle hahahaha. 
> 
> Anyway nowadays I have a [twitter here](https://twitter.com/FreeSpiritWH), even though I don't use it a lot (because I don't understand twitter), but if anybody wants to scream at me about anything feel free.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone who made it until here, thank you for reading and checking this out.  
> This is my first fanfication and I start with M/M/M, well... 
> 
> Actually the person who had to hold a presentation about the National Parks in California in 8th grade was me, still wanna see them... :D
> 
> Anyway any kind of feedback will be much appreciated <3  
> So everybody excited for G7 comeback??? *-* it reminds me of the JJP comeback, the style is similar. Jaebum wrote the Titel Track, as a fan I couldn't be any prouder. However thanks so much ~


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